*Official* "Baywatch: Where Are They Now?" thread

[richs]

Why was this thread locked for so long? Enquiring minds would like to know....

Rich

[davieddy]

Originally Posted by richs

Why was this thread locked for so long? Enquiring minds would like to know....

Rich

I for one wish it had stayed locked

[Uncwilly]

More Hoff for everyone, http://realitytv.about.com/b/a/258007.htm

[Spherical Cow]

The latest issue (Vol. 50, No. 4, 2007) of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" arrived yesterday, and includes the article "On the motion of bodies relative to David Hasselhoff" (pages 28-29), which includes "rigorous mathematics" showing that David Hasellhoff is the center of the universe.

Oddly, this Mersenne Forum is not cited in the list of references, which does include Annalen der Physik (by Einstein, A.), Making Waves: The Autobiography (by Hasselfoff, D), Phys. Rept. (Ahoroney, O., et. al.), and All Headline News (by Oliveira, M).

I would post this in the secret David Hasselhoff thread, but I am not allowed in there, of course.

Norm

[Xyzzy]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071219/...ple_hasselhoff

[Xyzzy]

http://www.cinemablend.com/technolog...nded-7923.html

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2007/dec/22/health

[Xyzzy]

http://www.nypost.com/seven/12252007...ght_564567.htm

[Xyzzy]

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/...entry_id=23334

[ewmayer]

Originally Posted by Xyzzy

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/...entry_id=23334

The Enquirer claims that during a recent binge, Hasselhoff asked his 17-year-old daughter to drive to a liquor store to buy vodka for him.

Now see, that actually strikes me as a quite responsible thing to do - don't drink and drive, right? Of course if he still had KITT, he wouldn't be forced to resort to the embarrassment of asking his girl to chauffeur him around.

Also, the article unfairly fails to mention that the inevitable mega-ginormous cheeseburger serving as the main course would significantly slow the absorption of the vodka - a kind of "extended-release" inebriation.

I wonder if the [alleged] "intervention" involved bathing-suit-clad models running around with this cute little red plastic lifeguard all-in-one kits they used on Baywatch ... if you toss the useless first-aid junk out, you can carry a decent amount of booze in those, I hear.

[ewmayer]

Check out these comments from thrilled viewers: a small sampling, I've only added a few exclamation marks and strategic redactions-for-emphasis, the way Hollywood movie studios do to random-radio-show-host blurbs, to more clearly convey the true emotional state of the predictably laudatory reviewers:

It's bad... really bad!!!
18 February 2008
3/10
Author: claphamslags from UK

Words cannot truly express how awful this "movie" is. But hey, I'll try...

Where to start? The virtually non-existent plot (which still has holes big enough to drive a Mustang through)? The infantile dialogue? Dreadful performances? Between Bruce Davison's phoned-in effort and a typically beautiful!!!-but-wooden leading man we have Deanna Russo's valley girl scientist - already this years most annoying voice and it's only February. Sydney Poitier should have known better and it shows - looking like she's about to turn to us at any moment and ask how the hell she ended up here.

I really thought this was the kind of trash that wasn't been made any more - in a world of Battlestar Galactica, Heroes and Lost, this show has no business existing. Insulting to a new audience and worthless to fans of the original - what could have been a decent update/re-imagining is just a noisy, empty mess.

There are plenty of much better ways to waste 80 minutes of your life, such as repeatedly bashing yourself over the head with a shovel.

Scrap this series and start again at the drawing board!!!!!!!!!!!
18 February 2008
1/10
Author: claudegable3 from United States

Awesome Car upgrades!!!, without spoiling with specifics: as a 20 something male who loves action movies - This is not a series I would watch again under any circumstances. The dialogue is similar to General Hospital, the plot(s) as likely as porn, and the constant music score completely destroys any similarity to the original series!!!!!!!!!!.

How can they make this stuff so bad!!!!
17 February 2008
1/10
Author: DrStranglove from USA

How can they make this stuff so bad? I mean when was anyone going to drive the car?

Alright, no more spoilers. This show had potential. It did! People love gadgets!!!!!!!! like KITT and may people that liked the old original series would have flocked to see this just as they did Battlestar Galactica. And had a hard hitting show!!!!!!!!!!!! been made it would have been just as much a hit.

But no, instead, a virtual cartoon of a kiddy show was made instead which had no surprises, was not exciting, and frankly, had cheesy special effects!!!!!!!!!!!! to boot.

I am sorry ladies and gents, but even the original in all its dated glory is better!!!!! than this 2 hour commercial for Ford.

Worse than awful!!!!!!!
18 February 2008
1/10
Author: kodath from United States

One of the shows I watched as a kid growing up was Knight Rider. It was cheesy then and it's still cheesy now, and that's OK. In almost every episode you would see one or two things that required a double take, as in "Wow, did they really just do that? How lame!". It's part of what made Knight Rider worth watching..., along with David Hasselhoff's hilarious!!!!!!! over-acting and KITT.

This new incarnation, however, is horrendous. Where to begin? The acting... is awful. The music... is awful. The camera work... is awful. The plot... is awful. Worst of all KITT, the star of the show, is awful. The car (voiced by Val Kilmer) is creepy in that middle-aged-pedophile sort of way, and any scene containing the car itself feels overwhelming!!!!!!!ly like a commercial for Ford. In fact, the entire 80 minute movie feels like one long Ford commercial. He's also taken up psychiatry as a hobby.

Lets take a quick look at the plot. Charles Graiman, the current CEO of Knight Industries, is accosted by thugs who steal his hard drives and dies of a heart attack. KITT escapes and must protect Graiman's daughter, Sarah, because the thugs (aka. members of a private security firm previously in Iraq called "Black River" (no joke)) need her to decrypt the hard drives. Add Mike Traceur, an ex Army Ranger, to the mix and what ensues is 50 minutes of a very bad chase scene.

Some people will like this new Knight Rider!!!!!!!!!!!!, but if decent acting, script, plot, music or camera work are important to you at all, you're in for a very painful ride!!!!!!.

[ewmayer]

So, anyone experience the rapture that is Baywatch reruns every night on ION TV? [started this past monday]

Yesterday we had the lovely Alexandra Paul returning to the Hoff's beach, and a huffy Hoff hemming and hawing about much her hiatus after the end of their Hoff-fair hurt him. He then puffed out his hirsute Hoff-chest, turned on his Hoffian heels and strode off on those implausibly high chicken legs of his, the "better to wade through what would be chest-high surf for the non-chicken-legged" ones he's so famous for.

He even gave a moving surf soliloquy to his buddy Old Crusty after leaving Ms. Paul in a huff, in which he movingly and eloquently played off Humphrey Bogart's classic Casablanca quote:

"Of all the beaches in all the LA subdivisions of the world, she has to come to mine." [Or something like that - I was too busy daubing at the tears welling up in my eyes to note the exact wording.]

That brought tears to my eyes - I had to honk into a Hasselhoffian hankie, honest!