Dumb (Jokes) Thread

[petrw1]

You have quite the collection.
Going to be a stand up comedian in your next career?

Originally Posted by retina

I'm so old … they discontinued my blood type.

I just met a really down to earth prostitute. She was really laid back.

if there is watermelon, there should also be airmelon, firemelon and earthmelon. The four elemelons.

I went to a small zoo yesterday. There was only one single dog in the entire zoo. It was a Shih Tzu.

The invisible man and the invisible woman got married. Their children are nothing to look at.

[xilman]

Originally Posted by retina

if there is watermelon, there should also be airmelon, firemelon and earthmelon. The four elemelons.

The following is not a joke, just a possibly interesting observation

The four elements: earth, air, fire, water.
The four states of matter: solid, gas, plasma and liquid.

I think the parallel is rather interesting but, there again, I think rain is wet so who am I to say?

[retina]

Originally Posted by petrw1

You have quite the collection.
Going to be a stand up comedian in your next career?

I think my next career will be a coffin inspector. From the inside.

Originally Posted by xilman

The following is not a joke, just a possibly interesting observation

The four elements: earth, air, fire, water.
The four states of matter: solid, gas, plasma and liquid.

I think the parallel is rather interesting but, there again, I think rain is wet so who am I to say?

I strongly suspect that this is the reason those four elemelons elements were chosen. Four markedly different compositions of the things they saw around them. It's not a coincidence.

And in a terrible turn of events where the thread gets back on topic ...

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Two priests and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says "Is this some sort of joke?"

A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says "You better not try to start something."

f(x) walks into a bar and asks the manager if he can hold his birthday party there. The manager says "Sorry, no. We don't do functions."

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

A dyslexic pimp walks into a warehouse.

Bonus:
Gandhi, as you know, often went on several hunger strikes. This left his body somewhat feeble, and he refused to eat animal protein, or anything not in accordance with his beliefs, leaving him with surprisingly bad breath. Gandhi was also known to live a humble lifestyle, often foregoing shoes and accumulating many foot problems as well. Essentially, Gandhi was a super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-with-halitosis.

[Uncwilly]

Originally Posted by retina

I think my next career will be a coffin inspector. From the inside.

Yet another clue about you.

[retina]

Originally Posted by Uncwilly

Yet another clue about you.

Not sure what you expect to learn from that? That I expect to be run over by a bus soon? That I love my current career so much I'll never leave? That I really like coffins and inspect them at every opportunity? That I secretly want to be Count Dracula?

[Dr Sardonicus]

Originally Posted by retina

I think my next career will be a coffin inspector. From the inside.
<snip>

Stealing a line from Breaker Morant...

I don't suppose they've had many complaints from their customers...

Originally Posted by retina

A dyslexic pimp walks into a warehouse.
<snip>

When I was a kid, this had been rendered as a "Polack joke:"

"Did you hear about the Polack who couldn't spell? The poor guy spent all night in a warehouse."

Must have been trouble with English spelling -- Polish is, I have been told, phonetic, so spelling in Polish is no problem. Perhaps he needed to polish up his English.

[EdH]

Originally Posted by retina

...
Two priests and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says "Is this some sort of joke?"
...

Hmmm. . .

[retina]

Originally Posted by EdH

Hmmm. . .

[Uncwilly]

Originally Posted by retina

Not sure what you expect to learn from that?

That either you come from or live in a society that has coffin burial. Many places have alternate methods for our used meatsacks.

[retina]

Originally Posted by Uncwilly

That either you come from or live in a society that has coffin burial. Many places have alternate methods for our used meatsacks.

Okay. But I think you missed an alternative. Just learning about coffins might be enough to get someone's interest, even if the surrounding society doesn't usually partake in such traditions.

But even so, "com[ing] from or liv[ing] in a society that has coffin burial" sure does cover a lot of places. Ah, actually thinking about the logic there, it covers all places everywhere as a possibility.

[retina]

After an attempted mugging a few years ago, I started carrying a knife with me. Since then all my mugging attempts have been successful.

Volcanoes erupt to no good.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was excellent.

Why do meteors always land in craters?

My colleague can no longer attend next week's seminar on innuendo. Now I have to fill her slot.