Dumb (Jokes) Thread

[robert44444uk]

Of course, a big favourite has to be from Monty Python...if you are German you may read one of the following two lines, but not both, otherwise you will fall down dead of laughter...it was said that this is why Germany lost WW2

By the way, even reading one line can cause permanent brain damage!!!

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja!...

Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

Regards

Robert Smith

[ewmayer]

Originally Posted by robert44444uk

Of course, a big favourite has to be from Monty Python...it was said that this is why Germany lost WW2

Of course this replaced the slightly less funny earlier version, which (being very funny but not quite fatal) Hitler used to use to regale crowds at speeches:

Hitler: Mein Hund hat keine Nase. (Translation: My dog has no nose.)

Crowd: Wie riecht er? (How's it smell?)

Hitler: Furchtbar! (Terrible!)


And let's not forget the failed German counter-joke-offensive: "Der vere diese zwei peanuts walking down der Strasse, und vun was assaulted..."

The latter is also generally non-fatal, although I must confess that I have to be careful not to tell it if I'd had too much to drink - broken a few ribs that way.

=========================

p.s. to RS: any relation to Robert Smith of The Cure or to the eponymous erstwhile Minnesota Vikings running back? (Try saying that 10 times very fast). There was an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 once on which the latter made a hilarious special guest appearance, but that's a tale for another rambling digression.

[mfgoode]

:surprised A joke I sent in last night in which an oxymoron was included plus I gave the website for oxymorons, (thousands of them) has been removed after post number 60.
Mally

[mfgoode]

King Arthur and the knights of the round table.

King Arthur had to leave his palace to quell a rebellion on his northern border.
His main worry was that he had to leave his beautiful and voluptuous wife in the safe hands of the 10 knights he left behind to govern the land in his absence.

He called on Merlin the wizard to devise a plan to keep the knights from seducing his beautiful and voluptuous wife.
The next day Merlin came up with a contraption he had made and demonstrated it to King Arthur.
It was a small guillotine type gadget to be used as a girdle for the queen.
He inserted a pencil like object into the orifice kept and snap it was cut into two. Should any of the knights be disloyal to the King they would be very sorry to be found out.

Well after 6 months of warfare the battle weary King summoned his trusted knights for an inspection of their parts with Merlin present.
King Arthur found 9 out of the ten were all clipped and scarred.
However his best friend Lancelot was intact and King Arthur was very impressed.

“My dear Lancelot I will reward you for your loyalty.
Please speak to the rest of these treacherous knights and tell them how you resisted Genevieve’s charms”

Lancelot stood up and made an effort to speak but he could not say a single word
Mally

[robert44444uk]

Originally Posted by ewmayer

p.s. to RS: any relation to Robert Smith of The Cure or to the eponymous erstwhile Minnesota Vikings running back? (Try saying that 10 times very fast). There was an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 once on which the latter made a hilarious special guest appearance, but that's a tale for another rambling digression.

Fraid not. Smith is horribly common, and so is Robert so it is my burden to carry this. It means anonymity on Google though, so people cannot check me out, even if they wanted to!!

Regards

Robert Smith

[Fusion_power]

So this piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender tells him to get out that they "don't serve strings here".

The string goes out, ties himshelf into a knot, unravels a few strands on one end and walks back into the bar. The bartender promptly says "aren't you that string that was just in here?". The string answers, no, I'm a frayed knot.

Fusion

Repeat these words 10 times just as fast as you can.

Sinful Caesar sniffed his sifter seized his knees and sneezed.

[ewmayer]

Originally Posted by Fusion_power

Sinful Caesar sniffed his sifter seized his knees and sneezed.

This may have since been eclipsed by an even-nastier mouthful, but growing up I was once given that year's edition of The Guinness
Book of World Records (this would have been circa mid-70s), and I recall it listed as one of the nastiest English tongue-twisters:

The sixth sick sheikh's sixth sheep's sick.

And speaking of sheikhs, just from listening to spoken Arabic I'd imagine that that language lends itself to this kind of lingual licentiousness.

[paulunderwood]

One of my favourite jokes:

A man goes into a pub and walks up to the bar and asks the buxom barmaid for a "double entendre". "Certainly, sir" said she and gave him one.

[mfgoode]

Paul[/QUOTE]
Reply to Xilman

Originally Posted by xilman

Nope, it's as I said --- cost-effectiveness.

You can make anything fly, even an elephant, if you make it go fast enough --- meaning providing it with powerful enough engines --- and a smart enough attitude control system.

Consider the space shuttle. It has the aerodynamics of the average house brick. It's worse than a bathtub but better than a bunch of keys. Nonetheless, it flies.


Paul

Well to solve the dispute going on I give some basic aerodynamics facts.
There are principally two major forces required to counter the natural forces which come into play when an object is subjected to fly.

1) The drag, which is countered by the thrust.
2) The weight which is countered by the lift
The thrust depends on the propulsion engines

The lift is obtained by a wide enough wing span if the object is not a rocket
When the object achieves enough speed the object gets enough lift to take it off the ground by overcoming the weight of the object.

The space shuttle is streamlined for minimum drag. The wings are there for the Lift. The satellite it carries is put in a nose cone.

Here is a simple experiment anyone can perform.
Take a thin strip of paper 1 inch wide and 6 inches long and put it between two fingers so the paper droops down. Blow over the strip laterally and you will find it rises up, the stronger the blow the higher the lift
Mally

[99.94]

A termite walked into a pub and asked, "is the bar tender here?"

[hhh]

A Panda walks into a bar, orders a sandwich, eats it, shoots the barkeeper and leaves. Why?

Look up wikipedia, fool: Panda: eats shoots and leaves.