Dumb (Jokes) Thread - Page 35

ewmayer · 2009-01-11, 20:22

It is a very nice Hitler mustache though ... and I'll bet it's content-protected.

cheesehead · 2009-01-12, 02:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by ewmayer

http://www.whatsmypass.com/?p=415

Go, 402s! Go, 205! Go, 306! Go, 416 (or 307s)! Go, 10s! Go, 211s!
Go, 120 (or 212s)! Go, 215! Go, 216s! Go, 17s! Go, 318! Go, 24s! Go, 226!
Go, 131! Go, 364 (or 432s)! Go, 236! Go, 237s! Go, 353! Go, 470 (or 259s)!
Go, 160s! Go, 461s! Go, 62! Go, 262! Go, 362! Go, 465! Go, 368s! Go, 69s!
Go, 170s! Go, 273! Go, 176! Go, 385! Go, 191s! Go, 92s! Go, 292s! Go, 194!
Go, 298s!

Uncwilly · 2009-01-12, 03:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheesehead

Go, 402s! Go, 205! Go, 306! Go, 416 (or 307s)! Go, 10s! Go, 211s!...

You have too much time on your hands.

ewmayer · 2009-01-12, 16:51

I dated a #26 once ... but decided that nice as she was, she wasn't "pass-worthy". So she broke up with me. So then out of sheer, like, maliciousnessice I changed all my pwds to "jenny" - she always *hated* being called that. Ha, ha, who's laughing now, "jenny"? I get a nice chuckle every time I log in. My friends think it's pretty funny, too.

(Not that I'm bitter or anything...)

cheesehead · 2009-01-12, 19:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncwilly

You have too much time on your hands.

I'll sometimes go to great lengths for the sake of a dumb joke.

99.94 · 2009-01-21, 07:22

With due deference to the competing threads about the demolition of Gaza.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++

DOG FIGHT

The Israelis and Arabs finally realized that if they continued fighting,
they would someday end up destroying the world. So they sat down and
decided to settle the whole dispute with a dogfight. The negotiators
agreed that each country would take five years to develop the best
fighting dog they could.

The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to rule the
disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the
world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the
nastiest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy
from each litter, killed all the other puppies and fed them the best food
They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine.

After the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars
on its cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast.

When the day of the big fight arrived, the Israelis showed up with a strange
animal: a 3 metre-long Dachshund.

Everyone felt sorry for the Israelis. No one else thought their sausage dog
stood a chance against the growling beast in the Arab camp. The bookies
predicted the Arabs would win in less than a minute. The cages were
opened. The Dachshund waddled toward the center of the ring.
The Arab dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog.

As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its
jaws and swallowed the Arab beast in one bite. There was nothing
left but a small bit of fur from the killer dog's tail.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, shaking their heads in disbelief.
"We don’t understand," said their leader. "Our top scientists and
breeders worked for five years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans
and Rottweilers. They developed a killing machine."

"Really?" the Israeli General replied. "For five years, we've had a team of
Jewish plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills working to make an alligator look
like a Dachshund.

Flatlander · 2009-01-26, 16:49

I thought I'd already posted this but apparently not.

Name 2 different crustaceans.

Charing crustacean and King's crustacean.

10metreh · 2009-01-26, 17:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flatlander

I thought I'd already posted this but apparently not.

Name 2 different crustaceans.

Charing crustacean and King's crustacean.

And a third from near where I live: Gerrards crustacean, though it isn't as well known.

Mr. P-1 · 2009-01-26, 20:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flatlander

Name 2 different crustaceans.

This guy nearly was one.

rogue · 2009-02-01, 16:52

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Mini-Geek · 2009-02-01, 21:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by rogue

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!

2009-01-11, 20:22	#375
ewmayer ∂²ω=0 Sep 2002 República de California 26577₈ Posts	Windows 7 Beta Available Now! It is a very nice Hitler mustache though ... and I'll bet it's content-protected. Attached Thumbnails

2009-01-12, 16:51	#378
ewmayer ∂²ω=0 Sep 2002 República de California 19×613 Posts	Not pass-worthy I dated a #26 once ... but decided that nice as she was, she wasn't "pass-worthy". So she broke up with me. So then out of sheer, like, maliciousnessice I changed all my pwds to "jenny" - she always hated being called that. Ha, ha, who's laughing now, "jenny"? I get a nice chuckle every time I log in. My friends think it's pretty funny, too. (Not that I'm bitter or anything...)

2009-01-26, 16:49	#381
Flatlander I quite division it "Chris" Feb 2005 England 4035₈ Posts	Brit joke. I thought I'd already posted this but apparently not. Name 2 different crustaceans. Charing crustacean and King's crustacean.

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2009-01-21, 07:22	#380
99.94 Dec 2004 The Land of Lost Content 3·7·13 Posts	With due deference to the competing threads about the demolition of Gaza. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ DOG FIGHT The Israelis and Arabs finally realized that if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the world. So they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with a dogfight. The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the nastiest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter, killed all the other puppies and fed them the best food They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine. After the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on its cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast. When the day of the big fight arrived, the Israelis showed up with a strange animal: a 3 metre-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Israelis. No one else thought their sausage dog stood a chance against the growling beast in the Arab camp. The bookies predicted the Arabs would win in less than a minute. The cages were opened. The Dachshund waddled toward the center of the ring. The Arab dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small bit of fur from the killer dog's tail. The Arabs approached the Israelis, shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don’t understand," said their leader. "Our top scientists and breeders worked for five years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans and Rottweilers. They developed a killing machine." "Really?" the Israeli General replied. "For five years, we've had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.

2009-02-01, 16:52	#384
rogue "Mark" Apr 2003 Between here and the 2²×7×227 Posts	A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: 16 May 2003 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here!