Any 25+ year olds here who've never been in a romantic relationship?

[MooMoo2]

Originally Posted by Mini-Geek

Is your spreadsheet describing the ideal partner, or a minimum: would any one of those things not being met be a deal-breaker? That may explain some of the pickiness that we're perceiving.

Somewhere in between, but closer to the minimum than the ideal.

If one of the qualities didn't match (has a degree, for example), I would still be willing to consider that person, but only if all the other qualities were a perfect match. But that would depend on the quality. A few of them are non-negotiable (no harmful addictions, for instance), and not meeting two or more qualities would be a deal-breaker.

Originally Posted by LaurV

I would be less picky for the most of the things.

Different strokes for different folks.

I wonder what everyone's numbers and percentages are

[CRGreathouse]

Originally Posted by MooMoo2

On another note, I think I should have put "history of similar earnings" instead. Dating someone who's unemployed would depend on the situation. If she had a decent job, got laid off, and was actively searching for work, that would be OK. But if she's been unemployed for a year and never had a job that paid above minimum wage, that would be a deal breaker.

Not that it's relevant, but in my case she had a not-so-great job and was injured in a car accident, forcing her out of work for a time. (She got another job once she recovered.) So no signals of being lazy, but not great lifetime earnings potential. But from my perspective the whole point of making decent money is that I don't need to restrict myself to women who make a lot of money.

[mart_r]

Ah, a semi-anonymous admit-that-you-never-had-a-romantic-relationship-thread. Just noticed right now. I'm in

Mid 30s. The "official" reason is that I have Asperger's. I always had a hard time associating. But that seems to lie in our family. I have two close relatives, one is two years younger, the other 22 years older than me, they also never had any romantic relationship (at least none that I know of). Also we don't like to talk about that among the family, so it seems all of us three have Asperger's.

People have told me that I don't know what I'm missing. Actually, I wish I wouldn't know. I do know about the pro's and con's such a relationship has.
That's why I had some sort of mid-life crisis at the age of about 19~23. (Note that most elderly people consider the middle of their life not at half their age, but rather in their early 20s.)

I know that many people can't imagine living their life on their own. It can be harsh at times, it also took me several years to accept it. Two of the things that kept me from getting too depressed were my old self-recordings - one of my favourite pastime activities when I was a kid - and several children's cartoon shows (mostly Disney, but also many others). So I guess I've learned to concentrate on all the (other) good things in life, even to the extent that it sometimes annoys me how other people are complaining about trivialities in everyday life.

(I like to say that I have a 4-D kind of view on life, but that's another story for another thread. )

[chalsall]

Originally Posted by mart_r

I like to say that I have a 4-D kind of view on life, but that's another story for another thread.

Who doesn't work in 4-D? Only someone who doesn't understand time.

I have found that working with partners is very rewarding. By definition, partners work with you and you work with them; each leverage on each other's strengths for a greater output.

[CRGreathouse]

Originally Posted by chalsall

Who doesn't work in 4-D? Only someone who doesn't understand time.

I have found that working with partners is very rewarding. By definition, partners work with you and you work with them; each leverage on each other's strengths for a greater output.

My favorite philosophy professor was a three-dimensionalist. But that's a more nuanced claim than merely rejecting a time dimension.

[carpetpool]

Not 25 yet, nor have I been involved in romantic relationships just yet. Being a mostly math/computer science/tech forum (myself included), I figured I might ask to those of you who have:


How did you get your first date/relationship?



I've talked to plenty of girls before, but always find myself lost when they ask me what I like doing or what I'm interested in.



Most girls/women aren't or seem lose interest when it comes to mentioning computer science or number theory.

[Batalov]

Originally Posted by carpetpool

Most girls/women aren't or seem lose interest when it comes to mentioning computer science or number theory.

You are on the right path. You have identified a problem. Solution: just don't do it. :-)

Talk about music, clubs and movies. If you can carry a conversation about fashions, clothes and sewing, you are on thin ice - but if you can by all means pick that. You can thank me later

Originally Posted by Trainspotting

Tommy's Girl & Spud's Girl: What are you talkin' about?
Tommy & Spud: Football. What are you talkin' about?
Girls: Shoppin'.

[masser]

<Narrator: He never thought he would give romantic advice, but ...there's a first time for everything.>

Originally Posted by carpetpool

How did you get your first date/relationship?

At a 7th grade dance, I asked a girl if she would be my girlfriend. Lesson? Go to where the singles are.

Originally Posted by carpetpool

I've talked to plenty of girls before, but always find myself lost when they ask me what I like doing or what I'm interested in.

Honesty is the best policy. Don't worry about preparing good answers. It's probably more important that you ask what they like doing and find out their interests. Take an interest in the other person. If you can't do that, you're probably not ready to date.

Originally Posted by carpetpool

Most girls/women aren't or seem lose interest when it comes to mentioning computer science or number theory.

Go down your list of main interests. You don't have to share primary hobbies or interests. My wife and I don't. We have similar backgrounds, similar tastes and compatible worldviews. The only way a couple finds that out is by being a little adventurous and exploring what works for the other person.

[Uncwilly]

Remember that generalizations about women (or men) are general and do not apply in all cases. I know a female that is interested in (in no particular order): welding, off-road motorcycle riding, baking, home improvement, hospital emergency trauma work, romance with males, and knitting. I know a male that is into: cars/racing, romance with women, sewing, wood working, cooking, and travel to historical places.

If you hang around with art students, be prepared to talk about art. If you are socializing with the Poly Sci crowd, expect politics.

Being able to discuss many things or bring intelligence to bear in any conversation is important.

Originally Posted by Henry Thomas Buckle

“Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas.”

Be interested in many things and ideas.

[chalsall]

Originally Posted by Uncwilly

Be interested in many things and ideas.

Indeed. And also to say, when I was young I thought I wanted a partner who was very much like me, and interested in the same things.

I'm now with a woman who doesn't understand anything about computers (network cables are "string", for example), but is leading in her field as an architect.

Artists and other creative times often see things we geeks don't, but that we can appreciate when they're pointed out to us.

(Oh, also, they dress us better than we would otherwise do for ourselves... )

[LaurV]

Originally Posted by MooMoo2

I'm one of them. Never did anything romantic or sexual with anyone in my life. That includes males, females, transgender people, and hermaphrodites.

Ha, I revisited this topic as it was awaken by the recent posts and it popped up in the unread list, and I had to read it from scratch because I could not remember anything about it. Surprisingly, I even posted in it in the past
Anyhow, reading the introductory phrase from the first post (very nice post!) reminds me of that joke (a bit racist) with the Arabian at the airport when he has to write the arrival card but he could not write anything with Latin characters, so the officer offers to write the form for him. "Name?" "Surname?" "Sex?" then he didn't understand. "Huh?" "Sex. Male? Female?" then he understood. "Oh, yes, male, female, camel, doesn't matter."