Dumb (Jokes) Thread - Page 100

Viliam Furik · 2021-01-29, 20:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by xilman

Just seen this one:

Is there somebody who thinks about the Dyson sphere, instead of balls?

chalsall · 2021-01-29, 23:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by Viliam Furik

Is there somebody who thinks about the Dyson sphere, instead of balls?

Perhaps.

Dr Sardonicus · 2021-01-30, 00:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by xilman

Found on Twitter, though it will probably be appreciated primarily by the US people here:

Johnny Carson routine. The envelope please. *Presses it against forehead* The answer is "Catch-22"

The question?

"What do the Mets do with 100 fly balls?"

Reminds me of the old joke:

Q: Who put the last seven bullets in Mussolini?

A: A thousand Italian sharpshooters.

xilman · 2021-02-14, 10:19

An infinite number of mathematicians walks into a bar. The barman says: “I can serve all of you, as long as you’re discrete.”

Batalov · 2021-02-23, 09:25

Where is 111 less than 99?

A: on the microwave time pad. 111 will be 1:11, but 99 will be 99s.

xilman · 2021-02-23, 11:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batalov

Where is 111 less than 99?

A: in a lexically sorted list.

retina · 2021-02-23, 11:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batalov

Where is 111 less than 99?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delisle_scale

kriesel · 2021-02-23, 15:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batalov

Where is 111 less than 99?

On the comfort scale for humans as temperatures, regardless of units, F or C.
Desirability as a BMI.
Fixed point representation with implied decimal point right of the leftmost digit.
As fractions 1/11 < 9/9.
As negative values -111 < -99.
As scientific notation 1.1E1 << 9.E9
As repdigits d.. in base d+1. And their respective factor counts, and factor sums.
Desirability as a finishing time for a 100 meter sprint, in tenths of a second. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men%27...rd_progression

dleclair · 2021-02-26, 00:09

Quote:

In the Notices of the American Mathematical Society, Andrew Kern calls this “My single favorite math joke of all.”

https://www.futilitycloset.com/2021/02/25/fitting-8/

LaurV · 2021-02-27, 09:44

Re: mandelbrot joke, that's the same like google's one about recursion (try google "recursion").

rogue · 2021-03-11, 14:03

BREAKING: Teacher Arrested At Pearson Airport
A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement.
She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the OPP with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Premier said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns"; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Trudeau said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

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2021-02-14, 10:19	#1093
xilman Bamboozled! "𒉺𒌌𒇷𒆷𒀭" May 2003 Down not across 299E₁₆ Posts	An infinite number of mathematicians walks into a bar. The barman says: “I can serve all of you, as long as you’re discrete.”

2021-02-23, 09:25	#1094
Batalov "Serge" Mar 2008 Phi(4,2^7658614+1)/2 24B8₁₆ Posts	Where is 111 less than 99? A: on the microwave time pad. 111 will be 1:11, but 99 will be 99s.

2021-02-27, 09:44	#1099
LaurV Romulan Interpreter Jun 2011 Thailand 2·3·5·313 Posts	Re: mandelbrot joke, that's the same like google's one about recursion (try google "recursion").

2021-03-11, 14:03	#1100
rogue "Mark" Apr 2003 Between here and the 14225₈ Posts	BREAKING: Teacher Arrested At Pearson Airport A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the OPP with carrying weapons of maths instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Premier said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns"; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle." When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Trudeau said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."