Dumb (Jokes) Thread - Page 30

Uncwilly · 2008-01-22, 15:05

My uncle knew exactly how and when he would die.

The Judge told him.

BlisteringSheep · 2008-02-11, 22:42

You will soon leave this world the same way you entered it: screaming in the backseat of a blood-soaked taxi.

Andi47 · 2008-02-19, 12:30

Physics exam at the university.

The first student comes in. The professor asks: "You are sitting in a train which is going at 80 km/h. It is quite warm inside the compartment. What are you doing now?"

Student: "Well, I'll open the window."

Professor: "Well, then calculate the new aerodynamic drag. Does the friction between the wheels and the lane change? Will the velocity of the train decrease, and how much?"

The student doesn't know the answer and fails the exam.

The next students get the same question, and they all fail.

Then the last student comes in.

Professor: "You are sitting in a train which is going at 80 km/h. It is quite warm inside the compartment. What are you doing now?"

Student. "I take off my jackett."

Professor: "It is still too hot."

Student: "Then I also take off my jumper."

Professor: "But it is still too hot - like in a sauna"

Student: "Then I take off all my cloths."

Professor: "But there are two gays in the compartment which want *ummm* something from you".

Student: "Do you now what? It is the 10th time I come to the exam. The whole train could be full with gays - THIS DAMN WINDOW STAYS CLOSED!!!"

Brian-E · 2008-02-19, 18:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andi47

Physics exam at the university.

.......

Student: "Then I take off all my cloths."

Professor: "But there are two gays in the compartment which want *ummm* something from you".

Student: "Do you now what? It is the 10th time I come to the exam. The whole train could be full with gays - THIS DAMN WINDOW STAYS CLOSED!!!"

At this point the professor's colleague intervened and started asking the student some questions about friction and aerodynamics. Whether this student then passed the exam is not recorded, but it was the professor who benefitted the most because his colleague recommended some valuable refresher courses for him. As well as "How to ask relevant questions when examining students" there were some others to further his personal development including: "How to refer to sex as what it is and without embarrasment", "What is homosexuality and how are gay people integrated within society?", and "How to recognise and acknowledge my own repressed (homo)sexuality".

BlisteringSheep · 2008-03-05, 18:58

You will remind many of Abraham Lincoln, with your oratory gifts, dedication to equality, and habit of getting shot in the head at theaters.

BlisteringSheep · 2008-03-05, 18:59

Everybody always speaks admiringly of what a survivor you are, but Thursday's events will make liars of them all.

BlisteringSheep · 2008-03-05, 19:01

Your admirable decision to lead a life of honesty and moral rectitude will bring your career in advertising to a sudden and drastic end.

Xyzzy · 2008-04-29, 02:11

Emergency phone call:

Man: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
Doctor: "Is this her first child?"
Man: "No, this is her husband!"

petrw1 · 2008-09-30, 20:49

Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said,

"The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."

The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter,

"What on earth does Jesus mean - 'the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?'"

Peter said,

"Don't worry, guys. It's just another one of his parabolas."

akruppa · 2008-10-01, 09:41

Can't help it.

Alex

xilman · 2008-10-01, 17:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by akruppa

Can't help it.

Alex

That's the problem with political jokes --- they get elected.

I'm a firm believer that the old ones are the best

Paul

2008-02-19, 12:30	#322
Andi47 Oct 2004 Austria 2×17×73 Posts	Physics exam at the university Physics exam at the university. The first student comes in. The professor asks: "You are sitting in a train which is going at 80 km/h. It is quite warm inside the compartment. What are you doing now?" Student: "Well, I'll open the window." Professor: "Well, then calculate the new aerodynamic drag. Does the friction between the wheels and the lane change? Will the velocity of the train decrease, and how much?" The student doesn't know the answer and fails the exam. The next students get the same question, and they all fail. Then the last student comes in. Professor: "You are sitting in a train which is going at 80 km/h. It is quite warm inside the compartment. What are you doing now?" Student. "I take off my jackett." Professor: "It is still too hot." Student: "Then I also take off my jumper." Professor: "But it is still too hot - like in a sauna" Student: "Then I take off all my cloths." Professor: "But there are two gays in the compartment which want ummm something from you". Student: "Do you now what? It is the 10th time I come to the exam. The whole train could be full with gays - THIS DAMN WINDOW STAYS CLOSED!!!"

2008-09-30, 20:49	#328
petrw1 1976 Toyota Corona years forever! "Wayne" Nov 2006 Saskatchewan, Canada 2³×569 Posts	Holy Maths Teachers! Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9." The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus mean - 'the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?'" Peter said, "Don't worry, guys. It's just another one of his parabolas."

2008-10-01, 09:41	#329
akruppa "Nancy" Aug 2002 Alexandria 2,467 Posts	Can't help it. Alex Attached Thumbnails

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2008-01-22, 15:05	#320
Uncwilly 6809 > 6502 """"""""""""""""""" Aug 2003 101×103 Posts 10010010001000₂ Posts	My uncle knew exactly how and when he would die. The Judge told him.

2008-02-11, 22:42	#321
BlisteringSheep Oct 2006 On a Suzuki Boulevard C90 246₁₀ Posts	You will soon leave this world the same way you entered it: screaming in the backseat of a blood-soaked taxi.

2008-03-05, 18:58	#324
BlisteringSheep Oct 2006 On a Suzuki Boulevard C90 2·3·41 Posts	You will remind many of Abraham Lincoln, with your oratory gifts, dedication to equality, and habit of getting shot in the head at theaters.

2008-03-05, 18:59	#325
BlisteringSheep Oct 2006 On a Suzuki Boulevard C90 366₈ Posts	Everybody always speaks admiringly of what a survivor you are, but Thursday's events will make liars of them all.

2008-03-05, 19:01	#326
BlisteringSheep Oct 2006 On a Suzuki Boulevard C90 2·3·41 Posts	Your admirable decision to lead a life of honesty and moral rectitude will bring your career in advertising to a sudden and drastic end.

2008-04-29, 02:11	#327
Xyzzy "Mike" Aug 2002 2²·3·5·7·19 Posts	Emergency phone call: Man: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" Doctor: "Is this her first child?" Man: "No, this is her husband!"