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Old 2015-01-22, 17:02   #1
only_human
 
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"Gang aft agley"
Sep 2002

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Smile The Devil's Pictionary

Quote:
Originally Posted by only_human View Post
The Devil's Dictionary is not too bad and is at least tersely and wryly to a point (although not necessarily the point one would choose to make). C.f.:
Quote:
Conservative
(n.) A statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.[1]

Cynic
(n.) A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.[2]

Faith
(n.) Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Lawyer
(n.) One skilled in circumvention of the law.[3]

Marriage
(n.) A household consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Religion
(n.) A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Youth
(n.) The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
Quote:
Youth is the true Saturnian Reign, the Golden Age on earth again, when figs are grown on thistles, and pigs betailed with whistles and, wearing silken bristles, live ever in clover, and cows fly over, delivering milk at every door, and Justice is never heard to snore, and every assassin is made a ghost and, howling, is cast into Baltimost! —Polydore Smith[4]
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to provide new entries to bring this compelling compendium into the 21st century e.g.:

Defenestration
(n.) A window of opportunity with a gold watch instead of a golden parachute.

Trickle Down Theory
(phrasal compound) Resources are sent up; waste trickles down.

Last fiddled with by only_human on 2015-01-22 at 17:03 Reason: added "it,"
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Old 2015-01-22, 17:23   #2
only_human
 
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"Gang aft agley"
Sep 2002

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Corporation
You start with "cooperation" and then downsize.

Last fiddled with by only_human on 2015-01-22 at 17:25 Reason: s/remove redundancies/downsize/
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Old 2015-01-22, 17:31   #3
petrw1
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"Wayne"
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Marriage: A union of 2 people where 1 person is always right and the other is the Husband.
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Old 2015-01-22, 17:42   #4
kladner
 
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Peace: Everything dead. Nothing more peaceful than a corpse (if one ignores decomposition.) Bonus: "Dead men tell no tales." Or, as I prefer for some reason, "Los muertos no hablan."

Also:
Quote:
Conservative
(n.) A statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.[1]
Alternate definitions:
liberal: a conservative who has lost his/her job.
conservative: a liberal who has been mugged.

Last fiddled with by kladner on 2015-01-22 at 18:09
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Old 2015-01-22, 18:10   #5
only_human
 
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Telepathetic: Being swayed by a robocall message.

Capitalism: A beautiful rainbow that starts at a pot of gold, spreads across a sky with diamonds and ends with freedom and a pony.

Oxymoron: A superposition mediated by a bozo.

Last fiddled with by only_human on 2015-01-22 at 19:21 Reason: added capitalism, oxymoron
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Old 2015-01-22, 21:05   #6
only_human
 
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True:
  • A scope restriction that excludes examples that falsify or otherwise contradict a premise.
  • Obvious
Reincarceration: The belief that a person may be sent repeatedly to the Hasselhoff forum.

Last fiddled with by only_human on 2015-01-23 at 13:19 Reason: added "Obvious"
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Old 2015-01-22, 22:55   #7
ewmayer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by only_human View Post
Trickle Down Theory
My own DD-style definition of this is "The masters of the universe piss on you and tell you it's raining."

I guess that makes me a cynic.
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Old 2015-01-22, 23:15   #8
only_human
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ewmayer View Post
My own DD-style definition of this is "The masters of the universe piss on you and tell you it's raining."

I guess that makes me a cynic.
So many blessings gifted from the universe of vanities.
Quote:
The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
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Old 2015-01-23, 02:07   #9
ewmayer
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Or, to quote a more-recent poet on the subject:
Quote:
[SY BORG:]
Bob is tired.
Plook me now,
You savage rascal
Ehhh!
That tickles.
You are a fun person
I like you.
I want to kiss you always.

[JOE:]
Gee, this is great
Hows about some bondage and humiliation

[SY BORG:]
Anything you say, master.

[JOE:]
Oh no, I don't believe it
You're way more fun than Mary...

[SY BORG:]
You're plooking too hard...

[JOE:]
And cleaner than Lucille...

[SY BORG:]
Plooking on me...

[JOE:]
What have I been missing
All these years?

[SY BORG:]
Too hard

[JOE:]
Sy...

[SY BORG:]
Too hard

[JOE:]
Sy...

[SY BORG:]
Plooking too hard on me-e-e-e-e...

[JOE:]
Speak to me
Oh no...
The golden shower must have shorted out
His master circuit
He's, he's, oh my God
I must have plooked him...
Hey
To death...
Hey

[CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:]
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...You have just destroyed
one model XOJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker.
And you're gonna have to pay for it! So give up, you haven't
got a chance.

Last fiddled with by ewmayer on 2015-01-23 at 02:09
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Old 2015-01-23, 12:55   #10
only_human
 
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"Gang aft agley"
Sep 2002

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Obvious:
  • Provable by an expert in a field. eg. Algebraic Number Field
  • Believed to be true by an ad hoc expert in a field. e.g. Cornfield

Ad hoc:
  • For a specific purpose
  • Expectorate ad libitum

Last fiddled with by only_human on 2015-01-23 at 13:46
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Old 2015-01-23, 14:34   #11
xilman
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"𒉺𒌌𒇷𒆷𒀭"
May 2003
Down not across

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Comfortable (adjective, medical):

uncomfortable.

Football (n)

A sport played in the North American colonies in which an ellipsoid is passed from player's hand to to player's hand, whereas in the rest of the world a ball is kicked by a player's foot.
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