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2007-05-10, 14:00   #12
Uncwilly
6809 > 6502

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Aug 2003
101×103 Posts

200416 Posts

Quote:
 Originally Posted by Orgasmic Troll .
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 2007-05-10, 18:01 #13 Spherical Cow     Nov 2004 2·3·89 Posts I got one (which I'll look for later) in which the sender forgot to include the word "million" after the "Twenty-seven (27)", and he was offering me a full 30% of 27 dollars. Now that's an enticing offer. Norm
2007-05-10, 20:38   #14
ewmayer
2ω=0

Sep 2002
República de California

52·11·41 Posts

Quote:
 Originally Posted by Spherical Cow I got one (which I'll look for later) in which the sender forgot to include the word "million" after the "Twenty-seven (27)", and he was offering me a full 30% of 27 dollars. Now that's an enticing offer.
That depends -- Would those be Australian, Barbados, Bermudan, Canadian, Eastern Caribbean, Fijian, Hong Kong, Jamaican, New Zealand, Singaporean, Taiwan, Trinidad&Tobago or US dollars?

Also, did you consider the tax implications of accepting such an offer?

You can just never be too careful.

2007-05-11, 13:08   #15
Uncwilly
6809 > 6502

"""""""""""""""""""
Aug 2003
101×103 Posts

22·3·683 Posts

Quote:
 Originally Posted by ewmayer That depends -- Would those be Australian, Barbados, Bermudan, Canadian, Eastern Caribbean, Fijian, Hong Kong, Jamaican, New Zealand, Singaporean, Taiwan, Trinidad&Tobago or US dollars?
Are you sure that wasn't "doll hairs"? 27.000.00 doll hairs is a huge ma/ess.

 2007-05-14, 05:01 #16 moo     Jul 2004 Nowhere 32916 Posts
2007-05-14, 21:36   #17
ewmayer
2ω=0

Sep 2002
República de California

101100000010112 Posts

Things are getting better all the time -- this one offers me (a.k.a. TRUSTWORTHY FOREIGN INDIVIDUAL) the standard 60/40 split, but we're now up to $34.5 million - do you think I should hold out for more, or might that appear a tad greedy? This one is interesting in that the sender does so far as to admit that the scheme he proposes "will smack of unethical practice" - anyone that honest deserves to be trusted with my confidential banking information, I'd say. Other completely nonsuspicious elements: - Guy deposits$30 million with bank, they don't ask for any next-of-kin information
- His capacity as the branch manager allows him to ensure that the phony next-of-kin designation will go through, but he somehow lacks the wherewithal to set up a shell account of his own. (Or maybe that would "smack of unethical practice" ... yeah, that's the ticket, it's his conscience keeping him from doing that.)

Various interesting (but entirely non-suspicious) turns of phrase underlined for your abusement, or something:

Quote:
 Reply-To: zhuli_1976@yahoo.com.hk From: ZHU LI Subject: URGENT BUSINESS TRANSACTION Date: Mon, 14 May 2007 18:37:06 +0000 Importance: Normal
Something this URGENT, but you only mark the e-mail with "Normal" priority? C'mon, man, I almost missed this ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY as a result!

Quote:
And here I'm so ignorant that I actually thought "Republic of China" referred to Taiwan, not mainland China - dagnabbit, learn something new every day. Mr. Zhu, geographically ignorant (albeit TRUSTWORTHY) foreigner that I am, I feel entirely unworthy of the trust you are placing in me.

Quote:
 What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who occupy certain offices and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I am proposing.
Um ... a date? Sight-unseen green-card marriage? A scheme to scalp Cubs tickets? Sorry, I may be TRUSTWORTHY but I'm also really DENSE, so you'd better spell it out for me.

Quote:
 Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to the man so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials. This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin.
Not that a tragically-deceased Chinese man with a next-of-kin named "Ernst Mayer" would ever arouse suspicion, mind you.

Quote:
 We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and tarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you. There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction.
So what do you need me for? Oh, that's right, I am after all the indispensible TRUSTWORTHY FOREIGN INDIVIDUAL.

Quote:
 If you are interested, please reply immediately to this email zhuli_1976@yahoo.com.hk I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. I am not doing anything against good conscience. I know that this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come once in a lifetime.
Not to me, they don't -- I get a couple a week, at least.

Quote:
 I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task worth Undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Let's share the blessing.
So my name really translates into Chinese as "Seed of the Center of Relevance"? Coool...

Quote:
 Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should plan a meeting, soon. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.
Well, Zhu, I'm no branch manager - I'm merely a TRUSTWORTHY FOREIGN INDIVIDUAL - but I gotta tell you, I'm not sure if my country is all that great an investment right now. You'd probably get higher returns from investing in an emerging markets fund ... Asia, maybe? But I'll tell you what - once I have the $34.5 mil in my account, I'd be happy to invest your 60% in some appropriate vehicle, and split the profits with you ... 60/40 sound OK? Of course to do this without arousing suspicion the funds would have to remain in my name. I'm sure you understand. Quote:  Thanks and regards. Zhu Li. Last fiddled with by ewmayer on 2007-05-29 at 19:38 Reason: Made reply-to live, to encourage spammers 2007-05-14, 21:52 #18 Cruelty May 2005 65216 Posts Quote:  Originally Posted by moo Perpetuum mobile? 2007-05-18, 18:55 #19 ewmayer 2ω=0 Sep 2002 República de California 260138 Posts Dang -- Ouagadougou (I just love saying that -- and funny how all the e-mail senders spell it in all caps every time) is just awash in unclaimed millions these days - kin-less American foreigners and their entire families are just a'dyin' like flies in one horrific series of accidents and plane crashes. Tragic, just tragic. Anyway, who gets this one? I'm busy dealing with the paperwork for offer #1 above, and don't want to be greedy. First come, first served. What, no takers? Alright then...as the saying goes, "Once more unto her breeches, my friends," or something. Quote:  Reply-To: bello_tanja1951@yahoo.fr From: "bello tanja" Subject: I NEED YOUR URGENT REPLY CONFIDENTIAL PLEASE Date: Thu, 17 May 2007 14:53:38 +0000 FROM THE DESK OF DR.BELLO TANJA AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER, BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) Hey, you wouldn't happen to know anyone in the AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK, would you? They're right down the street from you... Quote:  OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO. BANK WEBSITE:www.bkofafrica.net Wow, a real website! As it says: Quote:  La BANK OF AFRICA - BURKINA FASO, ouverte en mars 1998, compte aujourd’hui 97 collaborateurs. Elle dispose d’un réseau constitué de cinq agences : à Ouagadougou (Agence Centrale, Kwame N'Krumah, Gounghin), Bobo-Dioulasso et Koupela. I don't speak French, but that sounds pretty trustworthy to me. Hey, if you managed to sponsor a mission to Mars in 1998 despite having to arrest 97 collaborators, you must have your act together, I say. Quote:  Dear Friend, I am the manager of auditing and accounting department of BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) here in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of US$20.5m dollars (Twenty Million Five Hundred Thousand US dollars) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer (MR. RICHARD BURSON from Florida, U.S.A)
He's not related to that billionaire playboy who owns Virgin-Airways/Record-Stores/Virgins-Everywhere, is he? No wonder he was loaded.

Quote:
 who died along with his entire family on November 1999 in a plane crash.For more informations about the crash you can visit this site: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/502503.stm
Tragic, just tragic. Tragic, horrible death ... it's just so horribly tragic, isn't it? (Not to mention deadly.)

Quote:
 Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we can not release it unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidlings and laws
I thought you said his whole family died, too? Wouldn't that render your bank's guidliness about the next-of-kindlings mute, or do the gundalings include special clausets about unexpectorated next-of-kindliness?

Quote:
 but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.
Ah, OK -- you had me worried there, BELLO, my friend -- I don't mean to sound paranoid, but (and keep this between us, or as the French say, "entre nous") there are a few bad people out there who send letters like your (but fake ones!) to try to scam people out of their money -- unbelievable, I know -- anyway, it's inconsistencies like that that usually tip one off. But you cleared things up nicely.

Quote:
 It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you,so that the money can be release to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody will come for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed dormant fund.
Yes, dormant is very bad -- except when it comes to volcanoes, ha ha ha!!! (I love that joke)

Quote:
 The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after eight years the money will be transfered into the bank treasury as unclaimed dormant fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe like me can not stand as next of kin to a foreigner.
"Foreigner" or "Floridian"? Ah, what's the diff...so I assume a Californian-abe who is a TRUSTWORTHY INDIVIDUAL like me will suffice? You honor me, sir.

Quote:
 I agreed that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the provision of a foriegn account ,10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60% would be for me.
Well, see , I hate to come off as a niggler (note the "L" in there -- wouldn't want to be accused of being a horrible virulent racist now, would I! Especially you being African, that might not be helpful, eh?), but my standard agreement is a 60/40 split (see letter from your colleague above). Tell you what - you buy your own plane ticket, and I'll handle the "disbursement expenses" (or was it the "dispensement exburses"? "Dispersal experiments", perhaps? I can never keep those latinate conjugals straight.) I can use a fedEx envelope from work to keep our costs down here. I that works for you, then we got a deal.

Quote:
 Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentage indicated
Don't forget to visit Disneyland while you're here!

Quote:
 Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you arranged,you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin to the deceased customer with a text of application that i will send to you,but before i send to you the text of application form,I will like you to send me the following informatios
Here, again by way of expediting things, I'll just fill the form out online:

Code:
1.NAME IN FULL:........ I. M. Credulous
2.ADDRESS:............. Most people just call me "Mr. C."
3.NATIONALITY:......... USA all the way, baby! Love it or leave it, pinko hippies!
4.AGE:................. 18 or above -- if you don't believe me, just ask my porn provider
5.Sex.................. Not as frequent as I'd like, but pretty kinky when it does happen
6.OCCUPATION:.......... I certify that my country of NATIONALITY is currently occupying Iraq, Afghanistan, and several other unspecified nations, all of which are in dire need of democratic values
7.MARTIAL STATUS:...... 1st-degree black belt in Tang Soo Do - I hope that's martial enough
8.PRIAVTE PHONE NO..... I don't own a Priavte, mine's a Kyocera. Hope that's OK.
9.PRIVATE FAX NO:...... Oh, let's not let some ugly Fax stand between us - so wasteful of paper!
Quote:
 so i will like you to send to me those informations for easy and effective communication.
There you go! Isn't the internet wonderful? Like billions of others, I'm so grateful to Al Gore for having invented it.

Quote:
 Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application form.I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch-free
But I *want* to marry your daughter, as proof of the trustworthiness of our transaction. Besides, young Miss Ikgeiwingganmddefjdouguousrehetre (I just call her "Icky," she loves that) is a lovely girl, she deserves a rich man - like you're going to make me - to sweep her off her lovely Burkinabian feet.

Quote:
 and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter,if only you are intrested and ready to help.
Atom of fear? Wouldn't think of it. Not even a quark-gluon-plasmon of fear shall dissuade me, my friend.

Quote:
 Trusting to hear from you immediately. Yours Faithfully, DR.BELLO TANJA MANAGER AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT BANK OF AFRICA

Last fiddled with by ewmayer on 2007-05-19 at 01:20 Reason: Mr. David Hasselhoff has kindly agreed to stand at my wedding to the lovely Miss Ikgeiwingganmddefjdouguousrehetre!!

2007-05-22, 19:11   #20
ewmayer
2ω=0

Sep 2002
República de California

52·11·41 Posts

Quote:
 Date: Mon, 21 May 2007 17:14:23 +0200 (CEST) From: Francis Kouame Reply-To: kouamefrans@yahoo.com Subject: Dear Friend,
Yes, what's on your mind, my dear sweet snoogums?

Quote:
 I am Mr. Francis Kouame the foreign operations director with one of the leading security company in Abidjan/ (Cote D’ivoire).I need your services in a confidential matter regarding consignment out of a family beneficiary deposit as family valuables in my country as such I decided to establish contact with you for assistance This requires a private arrangement, as you will come for the claim with the back-up documents which i will privately forwards to you.
Someone's having problems with the family jewels, eh? I'm glad you had the good judgment to contact me (as I am clearly a world-renowned specialist in matters pertaining family jewels) confidentially, and thus to keep such private matters confidential, privately.

Quote:
 However, this consignment was deposited by one of our client (late Mr. Steve Ashworth) which contained sum of (12.5 million United States dollars).According to information’s i gathered from police; the depositor and His wife were shot dead by unknown gunmen. Unfortunately, they were childless.
Shot by unknown gunmen who were unfortunately childless ... just terrible. That might explain what led them to commit such a desperate act, but if they are unknown, how is it known that they are childless? Were they trying to steal your dear departed family-jewel-depositing client's children?

It's all very unfortunate, but I need guidance in re. for whom I should shed my tears here.

Quote:
 Since then no one has shown up for the claim of this consignment. Although he declared this consignment as family valuables and no members of our staffs knows the real content in the consignment.
But you just said the consignment contained the "sum of (12.5 million United States dollars)." Or did you mean that's the *value* of the consigment, but you don't know what's actually *in* the consignment? Admirably trustworthy on your part. We in the western world should learn from your example, and stop thinking that people are constantly trying to rip us off.

Quote:
 As foreign operations director still working under the company
You mean you *still* haven't finished digging those tunnels? Hit some bedrock, eh?

Quote:
 i do not stand the chance of claiming the consignment since I am still working under the company.
Yes, we got that. Tunneling to Java, and all that.

Quote:
 Please, i want you to come for the claim of this consignment. The Money will be shared in the ratio: Fifty percent (50%) for me, Forty five percent (45%) for you, and the remaining five (5%) will be added to your share for expenses during the claims include both our telephone bills.
That is even better than my standard 60/40 split (the 40 being my share, obviously) - you are most generous, my dear friend. You know, though, if we both use an internet phone service like Skype, we can save that added 5% overhead. US$625,000 will buy a lot of Skype minutes, ha ha! (Take that, Verizon!) Quote:  I will expect a straight answer from you. Best regards. Francis Kouame. Well, I must say, there's no reason for any homophobia - you can see from my previous posting above that I am in fact to be engaged to one Miss IKGEIWINGGANMDDEFJDOUGUOUSREHETRE TANJA, currently residing in OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO, and daughter of DR.BELLO TANJA, the AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER of the BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A), OUAGADOUGOU branch, BURKINA FASO. Would I engage in such an, um, engagement, if I weren't a straight guy? For heaven's sake, man, that would be tantamount to committing fraud! 2007-05-25, 23:20 #21 ewmayer 2ω=0 Sep 2002 República de California 52×11×41 Posts Shocking News! Yes, you heard it here first: DR. BELLO TANJA (see post #19 above) is apparently out as the head AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER of the B.O.A. -- I just got this letter from his replacement: Quote:  Reply-To: ahmed_issa00027@hotmail.com From: ahmed issa Subject: =?windows-1256?Q?_URGENT_RESPOND=FE_?= Date: Fri, 25 May 2007 18:49:07 +0000 DEAR FRIEND, I KNEW THIS MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE. Well ... let's just say the content not so much as the shocking ouster of your predecessor, with whom I had a good working relationship, and whose lovely daughter I was (and hopefully still am, but there's the question of the dowry) engaged to marry. Quote:  I AM AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANEGER IN AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK (ADB), OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO. Congratulations on your appointment ... but a spell-checker wouldn't hurt, you know. Quote:  I HOPED THAT YOU WILL NOT EXPOSE OR BETRAY THIS TRUST AND CONFIDENT THAT I AM ABOUT TO IMPOSE ON YOU FOR THE MUTUAL BENEFIT OF OUR FAMILIES. Agree about the "impose on" part. As for the family-values angle, my cat (and future bride) both appreciate your concern. Quote:  I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN TRANSFERRING THE SUM OF (USD$14.5) MILLION TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN 10 TO 17 BANKING DAYS.
OK, well, just PayPal me or FedEx a check, and I'll cash it. No problemo.

Quote:
 THIS MONEY HAS BEEN DORMANT YEARS IN OUR BANK WITHOUT ANY BODY CLAIMING THE FUND.
Ah, alas it's not going to be as simple as sending a check, eh? But first, have any live people tried to claim it? Ha, ha, I really got you there, Ahmed! (Also, is it pronounced Ahhhhh-med, like ending a prayer when you've got a stuffy nose, or the phlegmy Accccchhhhh-med variant? I need to know what type of cold remedy I should buy - one for stuffy nose, or one for phlegm and mucus.)

Quote:
 I WANT THE BANK TO RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEAREST PERSON TO OUR DECEASED CUSTOMER (THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT) DIED ALONG WITH HIS SUPPOSED NEXT OF KIN IN AN AIR CRASH SINCE JULY, 2000.
"Since July 2000" doesn't really narrow it down much, does it? But hey, what's a vague 7-year air-traffic-accident window between TRUSTing FRIENDs, right?

Quote:
 I DON'T WANT THE MONEY TO GO INTO OUR BANK TREASURER ACCOUNT AS AN ABANDONED FUND. SO THIS IS THE REASON WHY I CONTACTED YOU SO THAT THE BANK CAN RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED CUSTOMER.
A novel pitch, to be sure.

Quote:
 PLEASE I WOULD LIKE YOU TO KEEP THIS PROPOSAL AS A TOP SECRET AND DELETE IT IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED.
Would it be acceptable to keep it as my #2 secret? You see, I was kinda hoping to keep my dark TV-sitcom-related "Everybody but Ernst Loves Raymond" as #1. I'm sure you understand my omerta priorities here, Africa being so close to Sicily and all.

Quote:
 UPON RECEIPT OF YOUR REPLY, I WILL GIVE YOU FULLDETAILS ON HOW THE BUSINESS WILL BE EXECUTED AND ALSO NOTE THAT YOU WILL HAVE 30% OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED SUM IF YOU AGREE TO HANDLE THIS BUSINESS WITH ME. AND 10% WILL BE SET ASIDE FOR ANY EXPENSES THAT ARISES ON THE PROCESS BEFORE THE FUND GET INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT SUCH AS TELEPHONE CALLS BILLS (ETC).
Sorry, see the above posts about my standard 40% fee. Due to my great experience in these types of transactions, I'm very good at keeping expenses down, so just add the 10% to my share and I'll take care of expenses, okay? Just set yourself up with a Skype account or send me your phone number, and we're good to roll. You already got my e-mail address.

Quote:
 I LOOKING FORWARD RECEIVING YOUR RETURN MAIL OR CALLING. BEST REGARD. MR.AHMED ISSA AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANEGER, BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO. URGENT RESPOND
I must go now, gotta see if my engagement to one Miss IKGEIWINGGANMDDEFJDOUGUOUSREHETRE TANJA, currently residing in OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO, and daughter of DR.BELLO TANJA, the (former) AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER of the BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A), OUAGADOUGOU branch, BURKINA FASO is still on, or not. Back in a jiffy with all the TOP SECRET prenuptial intrigues which are sure to arise due to her father having lost his job. I hope he can still pay the dowry he promised me...

Last fiddled with by ewmayer on 2007-05-29 at 19:48 Reason: Made reply-to live, to encourage spammers

 2007-05-29, 13:21 #22 Uncwilly 6809 > 6502     """"""""""""""""""" Aug 2003 101×103 Posts 819610 Posts Got one this weekend that is supposedly from Europe.

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