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Old 2014-07-07, 05:52   #1
Uncwilly
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Default Murphy's Law and other tools

While cleaning up after my recent housing crisis, I ran across a hand written sheet of various "Laws". I had transcribed it from a poster in the physics department at my college, back in the day. I typed them in this evening and figured that some of you might enjoy them. (This list also include some others from other sources.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Computer Laws
1st Law of computer programming:
Any given program, when running is obsolete.

2nd Law of computer programming:
Any given program costs more and takes longer than expected.

3rd Law of computer programming:
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

4th Law of computer programming:
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

5th Law of computer programming:
Any given programm will expand to fill all available memory.

6th Law of computer programming:
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of is output.

7th Law of computer programming:
Program complexity grow until it exceeds the capacity of the programmer who must maintain it.

Brooks Law:
Adding man power to a late software project makes it later.
Quote:
Bobby's Belief:
Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

Grave's Law:
As soon as you make something idiot-proof, along comes another idiot.

Jilly's Third Law:
The worse the haircut, the slower it grows out.

Reynold's Law:
Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.

Murphy's First Law for Wives:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Silverman's Paradox:
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.

O'Toole's commentary on Murphy's Law:
Murphy was an optimist.

Pudder's Law:
Anything that begins well, ends badly. Anything that begins badly, ends worse.

Lynch's Law:
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Horner's Five-thumb Postulate:
Experience varies dirctly with equipment ruined.

Willoughby's Law aka Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Quote:
Law of probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of Bio-mechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the
next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move
faster than the one you are in now. (Works every time!)

Bath Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone
you don't want to be seen with.

Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do
something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor
covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

The Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Miller's Law:
Exceptions prove the rule - and wreck the budget.

Miller's Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens.

First Law of Living:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.

Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

The Grocery Bag Law:
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is always hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Lampner's Law of Employment:
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

Last fiddled with by Uncwilly on 2014-07-07 at 05:53 Reason: ::
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Old 2014-07-07, 09:07   #2
xilman
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Cole's Law: Sliced cabbage in mayonnaise.

Last fiddled with by xilman on 2014-07-07 at 09:08
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Old 2014-07-07, 09:10   #3
xilman
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncwilly View Post
While cleaning up after my recent housing crisis, I ran across a hand written sheet of various "Laws". I had transcribed it from a poster in the physics department at my college, back in the day. I typed them in this evening and figured that some of you might enjoy them. (This list also include some others from other sources.)
Zero'th law of computer programming: all non-trivial programs contain at least one bug.

Corollary: If a program is bug-free, it is necessarily trivial.
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Old 2014-07-07, 14:30   #4
LaurV
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncwilly View Post
Silverman's Paradox:
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
Which Silverman?

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Old 2014-07-07, 21:57   #5
TheMawn
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xilman View Post
Zero'th law of computer programming: all non-trivial programs contain at least one bug.

Corollary: If a program is bug-free, it is necessarily trivial.
Corollary: Not all trivial programs are bug free.



Quote:
Originally Posted by xilman View Post
Cole's Law: Sliced cabbage in mayonnaise.
**** off, lol.

Last fiddled with by TheMawn on 2014-07-07 at 21:57
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Old 2014-07-07, 22:36   #6
Spherical Cow
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncwilly View Post
While cleaning up after my recent housing crisis, I ran across a hand written sheet of various "Laws". I had transcribed it from a poster in the physics department at my college, back in the day. I typed them in this evening and figured that some of you might enjoy them. (This list also include some others from other sources.)
Excellent- thanks for posting those.

I adhere to Mersenne's Rule: If you're having a bad day, click on mersenneforum.org ; something there will either distract you completely or at least cheer you up.

Norm
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