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Old 2006-03-15, 15:29   #34
xilman
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What's this?

0
BSc
MSc
PhD



Three degrees below zero
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Old 2006-03-15, 15:54   #35
mfgoode
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Wink Dumb Jokes Thread

That was great Paul. Let me attach a meaning to them

0 is the average guy.

BSc: A fellow who can listen to the "William Tell Overture" without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

MSc: A man who has discovered something more interesting than women.

PhD: A person who is educated beyond his intelligence!
Mally
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Old 2006-03-15, 16:05   #36
xilman
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mfgoode
BSc: A fellow who can listen to the "William Tell Overture" without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
You are showing your age.

These days, it's someone who can listen to the "Ride of the Valkyries" without thinking of helicopters.

Or, if Bob is to be believed, in the US it's someone who is qualified to be a restauranteur, asking "Would you like fries with that?".

Paul
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Old 2006-03-15, 16:12   #37
xilman
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Default Oxymorons

Anyone know good oxymorons? Here's a few to start the ball rolling, beginning with probably the best known:

Military intelligence
Industrial action
Civil servant
Jumbo shrimps.

and my favourite:

Microsoft Works


Paul
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Old 2006-03-15, 16:20   #38
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This one is a true story. It happened in Fort Walton Beach Florida.

A young woman who worked at Mcdonalds was trying to better herself. She put in an application for a job as an operator at the local phone company. She was hired and went through their rather extensive training program. A few weeks later, a call came in requesting time & charges. (used by lots of attorneys to bill for exact calling costs). She promptly pushed the proper buttons to drop the call into a queue. A few moments later, the person hung up and the call was presented on her screen again so she could relay the charges to the subscriber. She told the customer "That will be $2.38, please drive around."

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Old 2006-03-15, 19:17   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xilman
Anyone know good oxymorons?
Female cruncher
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Old 2006-03-15, 21:11   #40
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I just flew back from Philadelphia and boy, are my arms tired.
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Old 2006-03-15, 21:53   #41
ewmayer
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Don't remember where I first heard this...

An elderly Jewish couple, Leo and Rosa, find themselves in a quandary - their magnificent heirloom grandfather clock, after 50-plus years of faithfully keeping the time with a steady, soothing tick-tock, one day goes out of kilter and only makes a weak tick-tick-tick noise anymore. Now these folks live in a fairly rural area, and the only clockmaker anywhere nearby happens to be an elderly German gentleman known locally as Herr Fritz, who is nice enough, but is rumored by some of the locals to have been a member of the Gestapo during World War 2. After much agonizing, Leo and Rosa decide, since the rumors about Herr Fritz are after all just that, and since the unwonted tick-ticking noise of their malfunctioning clock is driving them nuts, to take it to Herr Fritz for a look. They load the heavy clock into their station wagon, drive to Herr Fritz's shop, and after overcoming a final wave of trepidation, take the clock into the shop and ask Herr Fritz if he can have a look and see what might be wrong. Herr Fritz gives the clock a thorough inspection, and verifies that, "ja, ja, ze Clock iss eckting strangely, mecking ziss strange tick-ticking noise." Leo and Rosa ask if anything can be done, at which point Herr Fritz turns to the malfunctioning clock and says sternly, "Vee haff vays to make you tock."
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Old 2006-03-16, 06:16   #42
mfgoode
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Cool Dumb Jokes Thread


Direct Line:

A man from the West, decided to write a book about holy places around the World. He started by flying to various holy places. Going to a very large place in USA, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the wall and was intrigued with a sign which read "$1000 a minute." Seeking out the religious Guru, he asked about the phone. The Guru answered that this golden phone was, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he paid the price he could talk directly to God.

The man thanked the guru and continued on his way. As he continued to visit the holy places in Egypt, Israel, Iran, USA, Europe, Nepal, Japan, Australia and all around the world, he found more phones, with the same sign and price, and got the same answer from each Guru.


Finally, he arrived in India. Upon entering a temple, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But this time, the sign read "Calls: Rupee1 per minute."

Fascinated, he asked the Guru. "Guru Ji, I have been in places all across the world, and in each place I have found this golden telephone and have been told it was a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God. But in the other temples the cost was $1000 a minute. Your sign reads Rupee 1/Minute. Why?

The Guru, smiling, replied, "Son, you're in India now. This is God's own country... and it's a local call."

Welcome to India!
P.S., Rupee 1 is appx 2 cents U.S.
Mally
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Old 2006-03-17, 07:45   #43
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Alex
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Old 2006-03-17, 14:01   #44
mfgoode
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I dont know with what intent Alex put up this picture but I see in it a vast potential for humorous comments good or bad so Ill kick off with my version.
The picture itself has both beauty and ugliness, or downright bliss or simply disgusting. It all depends on one's imagination and background.

I think you will agree that it is good from far but far from good!

Still I will start with the beautiful aspects first. Have a look at her ears. They are exciting and here my imagination runs away with me so Ill stop right there.
The lobes connect with the face with no slit as such as is quite common.

Let me adulterate Shakespeare a bit. 'The man that does not have humour in his soul is fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils'. So lets get on with it.
I pass to the left winger to proceed with the ball.
Mally
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