Dumb (Jokes) Thread - Page 107

chalsall · 2021-11-01, 16:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by kriesel

Nice but I think you have them backward...

LOL... Welcome to the Mersenne Forum; where even the Dumb Jokes are peer-reviewed!

xilman · 2021-11-02, 07:41

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

retina · 2021-11-02, 08:17

People that trust the bank with their money are such pushovers.

kriesel · 2021-11-03, 12:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by chalsall

An Atheist, an Agnostic, and a Buddhist are spending some quality "real-time" together.

After a long (and welcome) period of silence, the Atheist asks "Can you believe what's being believed nowadays?

~~"Yes." answers the Agnostic immediately.~~

The agnostic says, "Maybe. I don't know..."

chalsall · 2021-11-04, 00:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by kriesel

The agnostic says, "Maybe. I don't know..."

I like. Truer to the nomenclature.

Much like a poem...

xilman · 2021-11-17, 09:09

In Latin there are 'cases': nominative, vocative, accusative, genitive, dative, ablative and laxative. The laxative is only used if you get stuck.

Sammy00 · 2021-11-30, 12:53

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

Batalov · 2021-12-16, 21:11

How to reprogram your ECM --

Dr Sardonicus · 2021-12-17, 01:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batalov

How to reprogram your ECM --

I like Figure 3.

Huh, if you're doing this with your Engine Control Module, you must have the right computer hardware and the right software handy.

Hmm -- ASIST? <google google> Hmm, appears to be if your car is a Nissan or Infiniti. That's not me.

From ASIST FAQ SUPPORT (the URL indicates ASIST is a subscription program) (my emphasis):

Quote:

See below updated ASIST PC specification requirements. To request an installation package for Nissan Canada, please contact NCI ASIST support at nciqa@nissancanada.com
<snip>
Operating System: Windows 10 (64 bit) "DO NOT install or upgrade to Windows 11 at this time"
<snip>

Batalov · 2021-12-17, 06:16

Well, that ECM reprogramming was suddenly required by the Glorious State of ~~Kazakhstan~~ California. You cannot drive (well, you can but not legally, your license will have expired) - if you don't do the recall codenamed R1720. Which we will do tomorrow, what the heck. And then the SMOG check, that's not new. Then the license.

richs · 2021-12-17, 12:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batalov

Well, that ECM reprogramming was suddenly required by the Glorious State of ~~Kazakhstan~~ California. You cannot drive (well, you can but not legally, your license will have expired) - if you don't do the recall codenamed R1720. Which we will do tomorrow, what the heck. And then the SMOG check, that's not new. Then the license.

That's due to Governor Gruesome and his minions.

2021-12-16, 21:11	#1174
Batalov "Serge" Mar 2008 Phi(4,2^7658614+1)/2 13·773 Posts	How to reprogram your ECM -- Attached Thumbnails

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2021-11-02, 07:41	#1168
xilman Bamboozled! "𒉺𒌌𒇷𒆷𒀭" May 2003 Down not across 2·3²·647 Posts	I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

2021-11-02, 08:17	#1169
retina Undefined "The unspeakable one" Jun 2006 My evil lair 15027₈ Posts	People that trust the bank with their money are such pushovers.

2021-11-17, 09:09	#1172
xilman Bamboozled! "𒉺𒌌𒇷𒆷𒀭" May 2003 Down not across 2×3²×647 Posts	In Latin there are 'cases': nominative, vocative, accusative, genitive, dative, ablative and laxative. The laxative is only used if you get stuck.

2021-11-30, 12:53	#1173
Sammy00 Nov 2021 11₂ Posts	A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

2021-12-17, 06:16	#1176
Batalov "Serge" Mar 2008 Phi(4,2^7658614+1)/2 13·773 Posts	Well, that ECM reprogramming was suddenly required by the Glorious State of ~~Kazakhstan~~ California. You cannot drive (well, you can but not legally, your license will have expired) - if you don't do the recall codenamed R1720. Which we will do tomorrow, what the heck. And then the SMOG check, that's not new. Then the license.