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Old 2008-10-29, 10:02   #1
ixfd64
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Default Curtis Cooper Facts - Chuck Norris style!

Because a lot of people are talking about Curtis Cooper, I've came up with a list of jokes facts on just how awesome GIMPS' #1 contributor is:

1. There is no such thing as global warming. Curtis Cooper likes crunching for GIMPS.

2. Curtis Cooper doesn't do primality tests. He decides which numbers are prime.

3. Early mathematicians believed that all Mersenne and Fermat numbers were prime. This is because they used to be prime, until Curtis Cooper roundhouse kicked factors into them.

4. Curtis Cooper doesn't do trial division. He beats factors out of numbers.

5. Curtis Cooper owns all of the supercomputers on the Top 500 list. However, being a good sport, he lets other people use them for so-called "scientific research."

6. One time, Curtis Cooper and Bruce Schneier walked into a bar. The bar exploded because it could not contain such awesomeness.

7. Curtis Cooper counted to infinity using only prime numbers - seven times.

8. Curtis Cooper already knows the 47th Mersenne prime, but he enjoys giving other people a chance to become famous.

9. Curtis Cooper can cook a perfect prime rib.

10. Curtis Cooper has already solved the Riemann hypothesis. He just enjoys watching us try.

11. Prime95 runs faster when Curtis Cooper watches it.

12. Curtis Cooper once found a billion-digit prime number using a calculator watch.

13. Scientists have concluded that there will never be another ice age for as long as Curtis Cooper is alive. In fact, they believe there will never be another one.

14. Curtis Cooper's tears can prevent decoherence in quantum computers. Too bad he never cries. Ever!

15. Curtis Cooper once found a Mersenne prime with a composite exponent.

16. Primality tests and integer factorization algorithms run in O(1) time when Curtis Cooper is nearby.

17. The saying "divide and conquer" was coined when Curtis Cooper once factored three Fermat numbers using nothing but trial division.

18. Curtis Cooper once commented, "There are few numbers that cannot be tested for primality. In fact, there are none."

19. Curtis Cooper makes mashed potato using the general number field sieve.

20. When Curtis Cooper does modular arithmetic, there are no remainders. Ever!

21. Curtis Cooper can change the shape of an elliptic curve with nothing but his teeth.

22. Curtis Cooper once glared at MM127. MM127 factored itself out of fear.

23. Curtis Cooper's favorite video game is Metroid Prime.

24. When people say that there is no hope of ever testing numbers like MM61 for primality, Curtis Cooper takes it as a personal insult.

25. Curtis Cooper once switched on all of his computers at once, but promised not to do it again. One continent-wide blackout was enough.

26. Curtis Cooper's can run Prime95 on his DNA.

27. Curtis Cooper once overclocked a processor to a googolhertz. It survived because it knew failure was not an option.

28. Curtis Cooper's first pet was a Prime Number Sh*ting Bear.

29. The term "killion" was coined when Curtis Cooper once found a prime so large that it made people's heads explode.

30. Curtis Cooper once invented his own integer factorization algorithm. It has a complexity of O(1) because a roundhouse kick takes constant time. Unfortunately, he and Bruce Schneier are the only people awesome enough to use it.

31. Every time you masturbate, Curtis Cooper finds a new Mersenne prime. Not because you masturbated, but because that's how often Curtis Cooper finds new primes.

32. Curtis Cooper once found a sixth Fermat prime using pen and paper.

33. Curtis Cooper factors RSA numbers by snapping them in half with bare hands.

34. When Ernst W. Mayer found the fourth factor of MM31, Curtis Cooper had to change the entry PIN to his office.

35. The set of all numbers whose primality status isn't known to Curtis Cooper: {}.

36. Curtis Cooper knows every digit of pi, e and the square root of two.

37. Integer factorization was invented when Curtis Cooper once roundhouse kicked an attacking lion so hard that it broke into a prime number of pieces.

38. In a fight between Édouard Lucas and Derrick Lehmer, the winner would be Curtis Cooper.

39. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that one of Curtis Cooper's computers will crash.

40. Curtis Cooper is Marin Mersenne's daddy.

41. Curtis Cooper does not sleep. He closes his eyes and crunches numbers in his head.

42. Curtis Cooper can do quantum computations on his brain cells.

43. Curtis Cooper's iteration times are measured in Planck units.

44. Curtis Cooper's wife always gives birth to a prime number of babies at once.

45. Curtis Cooper's sperm count is expressed as 2p-1. The value of p is a prime number greater than or equal to 61.

46. Curtis Cooper has a vacation home in Mathmagic Land.

47. The square root of Curtis Cooper is the proof of all mathematical conjectures. Do not try to square Curtis Cooper, the result is death.

48. Curtis Cooper can divide by zero and still get a Mersenne prime.

49. Curtis Cooper recently found the aleph-nullth Mersenne prime and has not yet reached his IQ.

50. If you found a Mersenne prime and Curtis Cooper found a Mersenne prime, he has found more Mersenne primes than you.

51. Curtis Cooper isn't the Chuck Norris of number theory, Chuck Norris is Curtis Cooper of martial arts.

52. When life gives Curtis Cooper lemons, he finds primes. Curtis Cooper hates lemonade.

53. Can't convince your employer to let you install Prime95? Call Curtis Cooper.

54. Curtis Cooper can run Shor's algorithm on a classical computer.

55. The nuclear reactor was invented when Curtis Cooper was once seen using a water-cooled rig.

56. If you look carefully at the code in the Matrix, you will see Prime95 running. You tell me who installed it.

57. GIMPS does not stand for Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search. It is actually the plural form of gimp, which is what you will become if you try to poach Curtis Cooper's exponents.

58. Curtis Cooper eats Mersenne numbers and sh*ts Wieferich primes.

59. The reason no Wall-Sun-Sun primes have been found is because they are hiding from Curtis Cooper. He just hasn't bothered to look for them yet.

60. Curtis Cooper doesn't find Mersenne primes. Mersenne primes must earn the privilege of being found by Curtis Cooper.

61. Once, when Curtis Cooper was in fifth grade, the teacher asked students to each write a prime number on the chalkboard, and Curtis Cooper was the first one to be called. The next 49 minutes of the class consisted of everyone watching awkwardly, waiting for him to finish.

62. Curtis Cooper already has a backup plan for when the second person discovers an odd perfect number.

63. Curtis Cooper generates his public RSA key using the two largest prime numbers.

64. Curtis Cooper once caught Moby Dick using PrimeNet.

65. Harvey Friedman invented the TREE function in an attempt to beat the size of Curtis Cooper's primes. It didn't even come close. Nevertheless, Curtis Cooper congratulated him on his "perseverance."

66. If you try to double-check one of Curtis Cooper's first-time tests, you will get a roundhouse kick to the face. Never question Curtis Cooper's results.

67. When Curtis Cooper does stress testing, he never gets any errors.

68. Curtis Cooper once beat up Laplace's demon and forced it to find primes for him.

69. The number of Curtis Cooper's successful trial facatorizations is higher than the number of exponents he has tried to factor.

70. Curtis Cooper uses an order-3000 optimal Golomb ruler while doing handiwork.

71. When Curtis Cooper gets a manual testing assignment, he manually tests the number - literally.

72. Curtis Cooper's version of a torture test: roundhouse kicking a computer until it generates a Mersenne prime.

73. Curtis Cooper can fold a piece of paper 43,112,609 times.

74. For a short time after PrimeNet v5 was launched, the server showed that it had a throughput of seven petaflops. When forum members posted about this glitch, Curtis Cooper commented, "That's no glitch."

75. Take any random prime number found by Curtis Cooper. Chances are that it is so large that just expressing its lower bound requires Conway's chained arrow notation.

Last fiddled with by ixfd64 on 2018-05-02 at 20:16
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Old 2008-10-29, 18:44   #2
uigrad
 
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Nice work. Very funny!
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Old 2008-10-29, 18:56   #3
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Nice! These are so funny!
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Old 2008-10-30, 06:15   #4
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76. Curtis Cooper is Sophie Germain's main homeboy.



28

Last fiddled with by Uncwilly on 2008-10-30 at 06:21
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Old 2008-10-30, 07:59   #5
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77.) Janne did (only) a design study for the supercomputers Helmer 2 and Helmer 3. Curtis Cooper has already built Helmer 4.
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Old 2008-11-12, 07:31   #6
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78. Curtis Cooper has a formula for identifying Mersenne primes.
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Old 2008-11-16, 22:38   #7
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Curtis Cooper has moved into 2nd place on the v5 totals rankings, behind only ANONYMOUS. Still, with only 42277.412 GHz days of credit, it looks like his transition is less than 5% done.
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Old 2008-11-17, 02:46   #8
petrw1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jinydu View Post
Curtis Cooper has moved into 2nd place on the v5 totals rankings, behind only ANONYMOUS. Still, with only 42277.412 GHz days of credit, it looks like his transition is less than 5% done.
In my account the only points I am seeing are those being reported in to the v5 server. I have had NO v4 stats transitioned yet.

I can only assume his 42K+ points are new as well.
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Old 2008-11-17, 14:50   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by petrw1 View Post
In my account the only points I am seeing are those being reported in to the v5 server. I have had NO v4 stats transitioned yet.

I can only assume his 42K+ points are new as well.
Since his total has NOT changed in the last 12 hours I have to guess he lost all his computer ID names too and the results are going to ANONYMOUS
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Old 2008-11-28, 23:08   #10
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curtisc now has 923135.324 GHz days. He's making progress, but still has quite some way to go in transferring his credit. I think that his real credit should be around 1.3 million GHz days.
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Old 2008-11-29, 08:58   #11
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79. Curtis Cooper finds odd perfect numbers by searching for them as needles in haystacks in the number field.
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