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Old 2020-07-01, 14:08   #1574
chalsall
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Originally Posted by rogue View Post
Although he is gone, I expect the president to retaliate thru the city, looking for any violations I have with the city in the effort to have the city fine me.
Been there; done that... Not fun.

Although many people are afraid of them, I would recommend getting your own legal counsel. It's fine having lawyers beside you (your neighbor(s)) in such a situation, but you want your own talent to reference who has only *your* interests in mind.
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Old 2020-07-01, 14:41   #1575
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I am always interested in adding to my vocabulary. Well hurrah, hurrah, I have learned a new word, or at least a new meaning and usage for a word. This newfound knowledge has come very hard.

When I moved a couple of years ago, one of my new neighbors was there to help. She lived right across the street, with her husband of many years. He had dementia. She was obviously under a lot of stress dealing with it, which is one reason she said she wasn't ready to quit smoking. He had been in the construction business, and had a boatload of tools. She brought some of them -- hammers, screwdrivers, pry bars, etc -- to help me in the mad dash to remove a bunch of crappy flooring, and some truly disgusting carpeting, before the movers arrived with my stuff.

We got along famously. We helped each other and other neighbors with various tasks where having more than one pair of hands really speeds things up. When I had a prolonged stretch of severe plumbing problems, she invited me to use their plumbing as needed. I came to think of her as the best kind of neighbor, and a close personal friend.

It turned out that she had divorced her husband when he was diagnosed, but they continued to live together, and she continued to care for him. She had divorced him because she had been deathly afraid that if they remained married and he had had to go into long-term nursing care, she would have been left destitute and homeless. When she was called away on other family business, I would make sure he got his meds and ate his meals.

Her husband had two dogs, which he doted on. He would ignore, or forget, the vet's advice and feed them table scraps. They were both overweight. One of them was terribly obese. I would sometimes walk them and feed them by way of house sitting. Sometimes I was able to get her husband off the couch, out of pajamas and into street clothes, and out the door to walk the dogs with me.

Earlier this year, he developed increasing respiratory problems. He could hardly speak. The last time I got him out to walk the dogs, he was wheezing badly and could barely keep himself moving. His wife tried frantically to get him in for treatment. It seemed that all they were interested in was hearing his vitals, and, if they weren't too bad, nothing doing.

Then her sister, who is a diabetic who doesn't take care of herself, and already needed dialysis, went blind. Diabetic retinopathy.

In late April, there came the day she couldn't wake her husband up. Even the dogs couldn't rouse him. She called the doctor, and he said to call an ambulance. He was wheeled out on a gurney, on oxygen. Tested for COVID-19, negative. He went into the ICU and, because of his symptoms was put on a ventilator. Diagnosis, bacterial pneumonia in both lungs. A day or two later, he had improved considerably, and was taken off the ventilator. He seemed to be doing well. Half an hour later, his condition suddenly deteriorated. His wife showed up at her house, in tears, and told me and the person I was with that he was dying. We both said, "Go. Now." But she simply had to change into better clothes. She did so, and took off for the hospital. She made it with time to spare before he slipped into a coma. Two days later, he passed away.

She continued to deal with her late (former) husband's estate, and with helping her sister, but she was showing the strain. She can't walk very well, and I was frequently walking the dogs. They obviously enjoyed this. I would pick up the leash, raise my hand a bit to show it, and they would come. I could only walk one of them at a time. One of them, the miniature pinscher, would be so eager to get going after being leashed, she would run in place on the sidewalk while I was getting the bucket and picker to clean up after her. I would say, "Look, she's trimming her own toenails!" My neighbor would laugh.

During the first week of June, she did a number of things that seemed utterly out of character. One day (a Friday), I was totally mystified when she didn't return my "Good Morning." Later that same day, she left, taking the dogs with her, without even telling me she was leaving. As the days went by, I learned about other things she had done. On the day she left, she had told one of my next-door neighbors that she was staying overnight at her sister's and was taking the dogs. I learned this because, when she had not returned on Sunday, the neighbor became concerned and asked me. I said I didn't know. Later that same day, I noticed my absent neighbor's driveway was packed with cars from people attending my other next-door neighbors outdoor graduation party.

I texted her expressing the one neighbor's concern, and attached a picture of her driveway packed with cars, and said she could use my driveway in case she came back during the night and her driveway was still full of cars.

I did not get a reply. On Monday, I asked my neighbor who had had the party, how he knew he could use our absent neighbor's driveway as a parking lot. He said she had told his wife that she would be gone until Tuesday. I passed this information on to my other next-door neighbor.

This prompted me to think it might be a good idea to bring in her mail, which had been sitting in her mail box since Saturday. She had repeatedly shown me where she hid a key to her front door. I went to get it. It was not there. I talked with the mail carrier about what to do about the accumulating mail.

It also occurred to me that there was rain in Tuesday's forecast, I wanted to mow my lawn, and it seemed I was unexpectedly unable to use the lawnmower my good neighbor had insisted I use. I started trying to arrange to borrow another one. I wondered whether I might have simply overlooked the key, until something remarkable happened. My neighbor's son, the just-honored graduate, and who did landscaping for income, mowed my absent neighbor's yard. Then, I saw him coming over to my yard with the lawnmower. I asked him what was going on. He said my neighbor had hired him to mow her lawn. And mine. He had no clue that I didn't know about it. I told him, "Well, as long as she's paying for it, go ahead." Lawn mowing problem solved.

A couple of days later, a few other things happened confirming my conclusions about what was going on, as if any confirmation were needed.

I texted her and told her I had valued our friendship, and was saddened that she had apparently decided that she did not. I said that I didn't believe I had done anything to deserve how she had treated me, and indicated that if she wanted to explain or reconsider her actions, she knows how to get in touch. As far as any attempts to mend fences are concerned, the ball is in her court. My guess is, that it will remain there permanently. One of the things the mail carrier told me about my absent neighbor was that she had always said that after her husband was gone, she would sell her house and move. That might make things a bit easier.

Some time after she returned, she texted me to please return the wheelbarrow I had been borrowing to work on my landscaping. I was actually relieved that she asked politely, rather than coming into my yard and taking it back, or demanding it at gunpoint or something. I returned it at once, without comment, figuring to park it by her garbage cans. As I prepared to do this, she said, in a rather hostile tone, "Leave it right there." Then she said "Thank you" and trundled it off to her garage. I mentioned this to the neighbor who had asked me about her whereabouts, garnering the reply, "That is pretty strong."

I have had to tell other people, who had previously been wont to ask me about her when they noticed she was absent, the new state of affairs, so they know why I will no longer be able to enlighten them. I have been treated to some of the most amazing double-takes and other facial gymnastics indicating utter astonishment that I have ever seen.

And so it has come to pass that I have lost a very good friend. The loss was all the more painful because of the manner in which it has occurred: She decided to sever relations with me abruptly and without explanation.

Last fiddled with by Dr Sardonicus on 2020-07-01 at 14:53 Reason: xifgin ostpy
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Old 2020-07-01, 16:38   #1576
rogue
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Sardonicus View Post
And so it has come to pass that I have lost a very good friend. The loss was all the more painful because of the manner in which it has occurred: She decided to sever relations with me abruptly and without explanation.
She might be grieving over the loss of her husband and you could be reminding her of him in some way.

Of course there are other possibilities, but her behavior doesn't really seem to be justified especially if she won't offer an explanation.
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Old 2020-07-01, 17:35   #1577
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Sardonicus View Post
And so it has come to pass that I have lost a very good friend. The loss was all the more painful because of the manner in which it has occurred: She decided to sever relations with me abruptly and without explanation.
It's quite possibly due to some false rumor, gossip, or simply a change in circumstance to where she no longer feels it serves her purpose. And consider the chances of something more serious. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preval...ntal_disorders
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Old 2020-07-02, 01:41   #1578
Dr Sardonicus
 
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Thanks for the suggestions.

I have read that people sometimes sever relations with a close personal friend without explanation, in reaction to trauma. This woman hasn't suffered a physical trauma, but what with her sister going blind, and then her (former) husband dying, she has had an awful lot to contend with. One of the people I told what had happened did ask if she'd had a stroke or something.

But the sad reality is, I will probably never know why she did what she did to me. I suppose it is possible that she doesn't know why. It also seems likely that this is not the result of any kind of rational thought.

Another sad reality is, as I say to a neighbor who sympathizes, there is st-all I can do about it.

I will mention another family member she is concerned about, a granddaughter. This granddaughter is now 18 or 19. She is tall, slender, and attractive, with very long dark hair and a kind of quirky smile. She has quite a bit of artistic talent.

She is not interested in socializing. The is not interested in romance. She is not interested in being outside. She is perfectly content to sit or lie on a couch, in a somewhat dark room, using a computer tablet. She does talk, but usually only one or two words at a time, generally a "yes" or "no" in answer to a question. My neighbor told me that online classes seem to suit her to a T. Her family thinks she probably is autistic. I think it likely that, as it is apparently fashionable to say, she is "on the spectrum."

As of the last I heard, she had not yet learned to drive. She had had a learner's permit, but it had expired. She had gotten a new one, but I have had no word on her progress, and am now unlikely to get any. Her inability to drive was (and may still be) of great concern to her grandmother.

I had a remarkable experience involving this granddaughter.

During my siege of plumbing problems, I came over to use the facilities before turning in, and the granddaughter happened to be visiting. She was staying over because her mother wasn't going to be home until the next day. When I came in I didn't even know she was there, lying on the couch at the darkened end of the room. My neighbor introduced us, and invited me to sit down to watch the news (or whatever was on TV). I did.

At some point, perhaps wondering about something she was reading on her tablet, the granddaughter looked up, and asked me a question. I answered. She asked me another question. I answered. And she started talking about something -- I forget what -- and she was off to the races. She started talking a blue streak. She spoke very fast, and the thoughts she was expressing were sometimes a bit disconnected. Sometimes she would get stuck on a word. She would gesture or pantomime to indicate the meaning. This struck me because this is something I often do myself when I find it hard to express thoughts verbally. She would gesture, I would supply the word, and she was off to the races again. I believe we kept talking for over an hour.

Her grandmother, my neighbor, was jaw-dropped-to-the-floor astounded. She was texting her daughter to the effect, "You will not BELIEVE what is going on!" As I was about to leave, she told me she had NEVER seen her granddaughter open up like that.

I will mention another time this granddaughter was visiting. It was early last summer. A married couple living nearby was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. My neighbor, her granddaughter, my next door neighbor, and myself walked over to visit, and have some cake and lemonade. The granddaughter sat with us. She did not talk. She did not eat or drink anything. She started picking clover from the lawn, and weaving the flowers together. She continued doing this until we got up to leave. When she got up, she took what she had made, which was a little tiara, and placed in on the head of the woman who was celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary.
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Old 2020-07-18, 17:20   #1579
xilman
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Background info: the local council collects recyclable waste including metal, paper, most plastics and glass. The large wheely-bin lives out on the front yard. Just outside the kitchen we have a relatively small swing-bin to act as a staging post.

This afternoon I added a plastic bottle to the swing-bin, pushing it down firmly to compact the contents so the lid would close. In doing so I came in contact with some broken glass further down.

Result: I now have a 4cm gash along the back of my right hand and its middle finger. First action was to wash the cut under cold water. Second was to place a piece of paper towel to mop up some of the blood. Third was to put pressure along the length of the wound. Fourth was to call SWMBO for assistance. Fifth was for her (a retired nurse with some years experience dealing with such things in A&E --- ER for our American readers) to clean the wound properly, apply steristrips and bind everything up with a bandage. Sixth was to mop up the copious amounts of blood on the floor.

Nothing serious but rather dramatic and it's rather buggered (which is a technical term; go look it up in a British English dictionary if you don't recognize it) my typing ability. This post has taken at least 50% longer than would be considered normal.
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Old 2020-07-19, 02:57   #1580
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Originally Posted by xilman View Post
Result: I now have a 4cm gash along the back of my right hand and its middle finger. First action was to wash the cut under cold water. Second was to place a piece of paper towel to mop up some of the blood. Third was to put pressure along the length of the wound. Fourth was to call SWMBO for assistance. Fifth was for her (a retired nurse with some years experience dealing with such things in A&E --- ER for our American readers) to clean the wound properly, apply steristrips and bind everything up with a bandage. Sixth was to mop up the copious amounts of blood on the floor.
Arghh. Sounds like you handled this all very well. I have several friends who would have fainted midway through the process from the sight of blood. Hope the recovery goes well-

Norm
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Old 2020-07-19, 03:02   #1581
retina
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This afternoon I added a plastic bottle to the swing-bin, pushing it down firmly to compact the contents so the lid would close. In doing so I came in contact with some broken glass further down.
But was the glass okay?

But seriously, root cause analysis would suggest that wrapping the broken glass in a few layers of paper might be prudent.
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Old 2020-07-19, 03:38   #1582
Uncwilly
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Broken glass is not supposed to be in the recycling bin anyway. It is a worker safety issue and a sorting issue. Intact glass can be sorted easier. Once broken the piece size starts dropping quickly as the material is handled.
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Old 2020-07-19, 07:22   #1583
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Broken glass is not supposed to be in the recycling bin anyway. It is a worker safety issue and a sorting issue. Intact glass can be sorted easier. Once broken the piece size starts dropping quickly as the material is handled.
It depends on council policy. Around here it is regarded as inevitable that glass will break even if it was unbroken when first put in the recycling bin. Raising hundreds of bins and dropping their contents 2m or so into a truck is not guaranteed to preserve the structural integrity of said contents.

Also round here, sorting is fully automated. Humans hardly ever have to touch the recyclable material.
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Old 2020-07-19, 14:03   #1584
Dr Sardonicus
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xilman View Post
Background info: the local council collects recyclable waste including metal, paper, most plastics and glass. The large wheely-bin lives out on the front yard. Just outside the kitchen we have a relatively small swing-bin to act as a staging post.

This afternoon I added a plastic bottle to the swing-bin, pushing it down firmly to compact the contents so the lid would close. In doing so I came in contact with some broken glass further down.
<snip>
I suffered a similar experience on a smaller scale in 1977. My typing (in)ability figured into it. I was typing a job application on my typewriter, then retyping, retyping, and typing again as typos forced me to pull out my copy and insert a fresh page. I suddenly realized I had omitted a paragraph on my last couple of go-rounds, and was determined not to repeat the mistake. But the old copies with that paragraph were already in the wastebasket, buried under subsequent aborted attempts. I started burrowing down through the discarded pages.

I forgot about the broken drinking glass I had put in there the day before. My thumb found it. The pointy end of a shard slid right in. I thought, "Oh, !" as my hand involuntarily jerked back, the piece of glass slid out, and I realized what had just happened. I had a dandy puncture wound, a bit wide but luckily not horribly deep. Deep enough, though. I pulled my hand out of the wastebasket, got up, and as I saw how much the end of my thumb was bleeding, held my thumb over my palm, and ran to the lavatory which, luckily, was just across a narrow hallway. I barely got my hand over the washbowl when it overflowed. I turned on the water and reached for something -- I forget whether I used TP or kleenex -- to form a pad, which I then pressed onto the wound as hard as I could.

I was able to stop the bleeding, and only needed "butterfly closures" fashioned from adhesive tape, and band-aids after that. To this day I have a bluish-colored scar on the end of my thumb.

I have a bigger scar near the knuckle of my left index finger, but that one was caused by a combination of a 10-inch chef's knife and my own stupidity due to being in a hurry. The result was a trip to the ER where I got four stitches, two visits to a hand doctor for followup care, hundreds of dollars out of pocket, a phone conversation to straighten out a billing error, and a permanent visible reminder that I don't have time to be in a hurry.
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