Dumb (Jokes) Thread

kwstone · 2003-12-15, 01:33

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested while attempting to board a flight was found to be in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons known to be of capable of math instruction.

"Al Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft stated. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes will go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names, such as "x" and "y"and refer to themselves as "unknowns." Fortunately, we determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

Drawing upon his vast knowledge of the long record of this dangerous organization, Ashcroft stunned reporters with this statement; "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government was received a sine that He is intent on protracting us from this band of math-crazed individuals each of whom is willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding,"Under these circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."

President Bush further warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex.

Attorney General Ashcroft closed the press conference with this warning, "As our President's father foresaw this danger and warned us in the past, read my ellipse! Now we can say with certainty that Al Gebra's days are numbered ... the hypotenuse is tightening around their necks."

E_tron · 2003-12-15, 06:11

garo · 2003-12-15, 06:16

LOL! Works at many levels.

edorajh · 2003-12-15, 09:42

PrimeCruncher · 2003-12-15, 19:49

I GOTTA show this to my math teacher

ewmayer · 2006-03-09, 19:12

This thread is for (hopefully) amusing and (surely) groan-inducing jokes. Please keep them (reasonably) clean (though mildly risque' is quite acceptable), and enclose joke punchlines (and optional joke-explications) in [spoiler] tags.

I'll try to set the tone start the bidding off with an original (as in, I have no one to blame but blame myself, or something similarly Churchillian):

Q: Why do urologists refer to vasectomy as "the most respectful" operation?

Click here for the answer:

[size=-2]Because their patients must show them "vast deference."[/size]

In case you didn't get it:

[size=-2]Get it? Vas Deferens? Nyuk, nyuk...[/size]

ewmayer · 2006-03-09, 22:00

What, over one full hour and still no deftly-dealt risible ripostes from our dear readers? In that case, I feel bound to inflict another sense-whelming witticism.

Q: Why are "paramedics" called that?

[size=-2]A: Because there's always two of them in the ambulance!"[/size]

(Some obscure phrase about one hand clapping comes to mind - as in, it may not be able to clap very loudly, but it sure can heave a rotten tomato a long way.)

Now someone else take over, or I shall have to taunt you yet again, Eengleesh peeg-dogs...

http://hogranch.com/mayer/images/fun...enchguards.jpg

davar55 · 2006-03-09, 22:50

How many light-bulbs does it take to ... no, that doesn't sound right.

Why can't a pie be triangular-shaped?

Because pie-are-squared! (ugh!!)

99.94 · 2006-03-10, 02:23

This one's specially for our German speakers. (Hope I can get the spoiler tags to work...).

There was a house in the Bavarian Highlands. It was winter and a fire was blazing. Near the fire was a gold fish bowl and in the bowl lived two gold fish named appropriately enough Eins and Zwei.

Eins and Zwei were acting the fool and both fell out of the bowl and landed on the hearth. What happened next?

eins zwei dry.

mfgoode · 2006-03-10, 04:46

Heres an old one from my school days.
Uncle Tom has something long and Aunty Mary something hairy?
Ans comb and brush

mfgoode · 2006-03-10, 05:00

A very, very, ugly woman walks into a shop with her two sons.
A man asks her, "are they twins?"
Puzzled the woman replies, "no, one is 3 years old and the other is 10. Why
do you ask"
The man replies: "no particular reason, i just can't believe someone went to bed with you twice".
Mally :coffee

2003-12-15, 01:33	#1
kwstone Jun 2003 Shanghai, China 155₈ Posts	Dumb (Jokes) Thread At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested while attempting to board a flight was found to be in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons known to be of capable of math instruction. "Al Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft stated. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes will go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names, such as "x" and "y"and refer to themselves as "unknowns." Fortunately, we determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. Drawing upon his vast knowledge of the long record of this dangerous organization, Ashcroft stunned reporters with this statement; "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government was received a sine that He is intent on protracting us from this band of math-crazed individuals each of whom is willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding,"Under these circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line." President Bush further warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex. Attorney General Ashcroft closed the press conference with this warning, "As our President's father foresaw this danger and warned us in the past, read my ellipse! Now we can say with certainty that Al Gebra's days are numbered ... the hypotenuse is tightening around their necks."

2006-03-09, 19:12	#6
ewmayer ∂²ω=0 Sep 2002 República de California 26753₈ Posts	Dumb Jokes Thread This thread is for (hopefully) amusing and (surely) groan-inducing jokes. Please keep them (reasonably) clean (though mildly risque' is quite acceptable), and enclose joke punchlines (and optional joke-explications) in [spoiler] tags. I'll try to set the tone start the bidding off with an original (as in, I have no one to blame but blame myself, or something similarly Churchillian): Q: Why do urologists refer to vasectomy as "the most respectful" operation? Click here for the answer: [size=-2]Because their patients must show them "vast deference."[/size] In case you didn't get it: [size=-2]Get it? Vas Deferens? Nyuk, nyuk...[/size] Last fiddled with by ewmayer on 2006-03-09 at 19:13

2006-03-10, 04:46	#10
mfgoode Bronze Medalist Jan 2004 Mumbai,India 2052₁₀ Posts	Dumb Jokes Thread Heres an old one from my school days. Uncle Tom has something long and Aunty Mary something hairy? Ans comb and brush

2006-03-10, 05:00	#11
mfgoode Bronze Medalist Jan 2004 Mumbai,India 2²·3³·19 Posts	Dumb Jokes Thread A very, very, ugly woman walks into a shop with her two sons. A man asks her, "are they twins?" Puzzled the woman replies, "no, one is 3 years old and the other is 10. Why do you ask" The man replies: "no particular reason, i just can't believe someone went to bed with you twice". Mally :coffee

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Favorite April Fools jokes and who online is expected to participate	jasong	Lounge	23	2015-04-07 08:43
Favorite worst jokes	Dubslow	Lounge	17	2012-10-19 20:10
April Fool's Day Jokes	rogue	Lounge	25	2009-04-07 15:19
Christmas Jokes Thread	10metreh	Lounge	14	2008-12-25 08:41
Your favorite political jokes	Fusion_power	Lounge	5	2004-09-11 21:51

2003-12-15, 06:11	#2
E_tron Sep 2002 Austin, TX 3×11×17 Posts

2003-12-15, 06:16	#3
garo Aug 2002 Termonfeckin, IE 2⁴·173 Posts	LOL! Works at many levels.

2003-12-15, 09:42	#4
edorajh Oct 2003 Croatia 456₁₀ Posts

2003-12-15, 19:49	#5
PrimeCruncher Sep 2003 Borg HQ, Delta Quadrant 2×3³×13 Posts	I GOTTA show this to my math teacher

2006-03-09, 22:00	#7
ewmayer ∂²ω=0 Sep 2002 República de California 26753₈ Posts	What, over one full hour and still no deftly-dealt risible ripostes from our dear readers? In that case, I feel bound to inflict another sense-whelming witticism. Q: Why are "paramedics" called that? [size=-2]A: Because there's always two of them in the ambulance!"[/size] (Some obscure phrase about one hand clapping comes to mind - as in, it may not be able to clap very loudly, but it sure can heave a rotten tomato a long way.) Now someone else take over, or I shall have to taunt you yet again, Eengleesh peeg-dogs... http://hogranch.com/mayer/images/fun...enchguards.jpg

2006-03-09, 22:50	#8
davar55 May 2004 New York City 10213₈ Posts	How many light-bulbs does it take to ... no, that doesn't sound right. Why can't a pie be triangular-shaped? Because pie-are-squared! (ugh!!)

2006-03-10, 02:23	#9
99.94 Dec 2004 The Land of Lost Content 3·7·13 Posts	This one's specially for our German speakers. (Hope I can get the spoiler tags to work...). There was a house in the Bavarian Highlands. It was winter and a fire was blazing. Near the fire was a gold fish bowl and in the bowl lived two gold fish named appropriately enough Eins and Zwei. Eins and Zwei were acting the fool and both fell out of the bowl and landed on the hearth. What happened next? eins zwei dry.