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Old 2003-12-15, 01:33   #1
kwstone's Avatar
Jun 2003
Shanghai, China

1558 Posts
Dumb (Jokes) Thread

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested while attempting to board a flight was found to be in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons known to be of capable of math instruction.

"Al Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft stated. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes will go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names, such as "x" and "y"and refer to themselves as "unknowns." Fortunately, we determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

Drawing upon his vast knowledge of the long record of this dangerous organization, Ashcroft stunned reporters with this statement; "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government was received a sine that He is intent on protracting us from this band of math-crazed individuals each of whom is willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding,"Under these circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."

President Bush further warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex.

Attorney General Ashcroft closed the press conference with this warning, "As our President's father foresaw this danger and warned us in the past, read my ellipse! Now we can say with certainty that Al Gebra's days are numbered ... the hypotenuse is tightening around their necks."
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Old 2003-12-15, 06:11   #2
E_tron's Avatar
Sep 2002
Austin, TX

3×11×17 Posts

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Old 2003-12-15, 06:16   #3
garo's Avatar
Aug 2002
Termonfeckin, IE

24·173 Posts

LOL! Works at many levels.
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Old 2003-12-15, 09:42   #4
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Oct 2003

45610 Posts

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Old 2003-12-15, 19:49   #5
PrimeCruncher's Avatar
Sep 2003
Borg HQ, Delta Quadrant

2×33×13 Posts

I GOTTA show this to my math teacher
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Old 2006-03-09, 19:12   #6
ewmayer's Avatar
Sep 2002
República de California

267538 Posts
Default Dumb Jokes Thread

This thread is for (hopefully) amusing and (surely) groan-inducing jokes. Please keep them (reasonably) clean (though mildly risque' is quite acceptable), and enclose joke punchlines (and optional joke-explications) in [spoiler] tags.

I'll try to set the tone start the bidding off with an original (as in, I have no one to blame but blame myself, or something similarly Churchillian):

Q: Why do urologists refer to vasectomy as "the most respectful" operation?

Click here for the answer:

[size=-2]Because their patients must show them "vast deference."[/size]

In case you didn't get it:

[size=-2]Get it? Vas Deferens? Nyuk, nyuk...[/size]

Last fiddled with by ewmayer on 2006-03-09 at 19:13
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Old 2006-03-09, 22:00   #7
ewmayer's Avatar
Sep 2002
República de California

267538 Posts

What, over one full hour and still no deftly-dealt risible ripostes from our dear readers? In that case, I feel bound to inflict another sense-whelming witticism.

Q: Why are "paramedics" called that?

[size=-2]A: Because there's always two of them in the ambulance!"[/size]

(Some obscure phrase about one hand clapping comes to mind - as in, it may not be able to clap very loudly, but it sure can heave a rotten tomato a long way.)

Now someone else take over, or I shall have to taunt you yet again, Eengleesh peeg-dogs...
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Old 2006-03-09, 22:50   #8
davar55's Avatar
May 2004
New York City

102138 Posts

How many light-bulbs does it take to ... no, that doesn't sound right.

Why can't a pie be triangular-shaped?

Because pie-are-squared! (ugh!!)
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Old 2006-03-10, 02:23   #9
99.94's Avatar
Dec 2004
The Land of Lost Content

3·7·13 Posts

This one's specially for our German speakers. (Hope I can get the spoiler tags to work...).

There was a house in the Bavarian Highlands. It was winter and a fire was blazing. Near the fire was a gold fish bowl and in the bowl lived two gold fish named appropriately enough Eins and Zwei.

Eins and Zwei were acting the fool and both fell out of the bowl and landed on the hearth. What happened next?

eins zwei dry.
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Old 2006-03-10, 04:46   #10
Bronze Medalist
mfgoode's Avatar
Jan 2004

205210 Posts
Talking Dumb Jokes Thread

Heres an old one from my school days.
Uncle Tom has something long and Aunty Mary something hairy?
Ans comb and brush
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Old 2006-03-10, 05:00   #11
Bronze Medalist
mfgoode's Avatar
Jan 2004

22·33·19 Posts
Talking Dumb Jokes Thread

A very, very, ugly woman walks into a shop with her two sons.
A man asks her, "are they twins?"
Puzzled the woman replies, "no, one is 3 years old and the other is 10. Why
do you ask"
The man replies: "no particular reason, i just can't believe someone went to bed with you twice".
Mally :coffee
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