Resident forum assistants, past and present

[retina]

Originally Posted by ewmayer

Retina, does the USDA have anything to say about keeping African goliath frogs? Not sure if Mike's tank would be suitably large for those, but maybe some suitably well-shaded and dampish portion of the backyard...

Apparently they make good eating also. But there are so few of them that I doubt the USDA considers them a pest. Perhaps more likely they will encourage one to keep them if you can get them to breed and get them off the endangered species category.

[ewmayer]

Originally Posted by retina

Apparently they make good eating also. But there are so few of them that I doubt the USDA considers them a pest. Perhaps more likely they will encourage one to keep them if you can get them to breed and get them off the endangered species category.

Business idea: Mike sees if he can get a breeding pair to produce offspring in the Arkansas climate. If successful, expand to goliath frog ranching -- could be start of a whole new western-frontier/cowboyfrogman literary & movie genre here, to boot -- thus un-endangering the frogs, and leading to a lucrative Buffalo-wild-wings-style eatery franchise, just replacing the chicken wings with giant-frog legs.

And besides the pop wave of western frog-themed novels and films, we'll also of course have country songs (apologies to Nickel Creek for shameless plagiarism in the name of humor):

Git Along Little Froggies Lyrics - Nickel Creek. Album: Little Frogpoke

As I was walking one morning for pleasure
I spied a frogpuncher riding along
His hat was throwed back and his spurs were a-jingling
And as he approached he was singing this song

Whoopee ti yi yo, git along little froggies
It's your misfortune and none of my own
Whoopie ti yi yo, git along little froggies
You know that Wyoming will be your new home

Early in the springtime we round up the froggies
Mark 'em and brand 'em and bob off their tails
Round up the horses, load up the chuck wagon
Then throw the little froggies out on the long trail

Whoopee ti yi yo, git along little froggies
It's your misfortune and none of my own
Whoopie ti yi yo, git along little froggies
You know that Wyoming will be your new home

Night comes on and we hold 'em on the bedground
The same little froggies that rolled on so slow
We roll up the herd and cut out the stray ones
Then roll the little froggies like never before (in hot garlic butter)

Whoopee ti yi yo, git along little froggies
It's your misfortune and none of my own
Whoopie ti yi yo, git along little froggies
You know that Wyoming will be your new home

Some boys go up the long trail for pleasure
But that's where they get it most awfully wrong
For you'll never know the trouble they give us
As we go drivin' them froggies along

Whoopee ti yi yo, git along little froggies
It's your misfortune and none of my own
Whoopie ti yi yo, git along little froggies
You know that Wyoming will be your new home

Whoopee ti yi yo, git along little froggies
It's your misfortune and none of my own
Whoopie ti yi yo, git along little froggies
You know that Wyoming will be your new home
You know that Wyoming will be your new home

Now, who should play Rowdy Yates in the frog-based Rawhide remake? I would even suggest Clint should reprise his role despite his advanced years, but if the series becomes the smash hit I expect it to, the danger would be the star croaking unexpectedly.

Ooh, wait -- it just came to me, the perfect mix of old west and new frog -- instead of Rawhide, we do a remake of Hopalong Cassidy. The name just screams "frogpoke".

[only_human]

The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County by Mark Twain.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cel...laveras_County

summary:

Once, Jim caught a frog and named it Dan'l Webster. For three months, he trained the frog to jump. At the end of those three months, the frog could jump over more ground than any other. Jim carried the frog around in a box.

One day, a stranger to the town asks Jim what is in his box. Jim says that it is a frog that can outjump any other frog in Calaveras County. The stranger looks at the frog and responds that the frog doesn't look any different than the other frogs of Calaveras County, so he mustn't be the best. The stranger tells Jim that if he had a frog, he'd bet $40 that his frog could beat Jim's.

Jim agrees to the bet, and he gives the box to the stranger to hold while Jim hunts for another frog for the stranger. While Jim is catching the stranger's frog, the stranger pours lead shot into the mouth of Jim's frog.

When Jim returns, he and the stranger arrange the frogs for the contest. They align the frogs evenly, and on the count of three they let them loose. The freshly-caught frog jumps away, but Dan'l Webster doesn't budge.

Jim is surprised and disgusted. He gives the money to the stranger and the stranger happily leaves. Jim wonders why Dan'l looks so heavy. He takes the frog and tips him upside down. The frog coughs up handfuls of shot. Jim sets the frog down, and chases after the stranger. The stranger is long gone, however, and Jim never catches him.

[davar55]

I had a cat once. And later two dogs. A goldfish, a bird.
Never two at the same time. They weren't smart enough
to bee work assistants. Well, the first dog might have,
except I was in school at the time and never asked him.
I liked all of them. Except maybe the fish, he didn't seem
to mind being contained all the time, so we had a different
set of values. I don't remember the bird so well, but he
liked to escape his cage and fly around our place. Smart
decision. Him I liked. The first dog was very smart, he
and I had a real rapport. I used to miss him. But
eventually I found an octopus. We have sort of a love-hate
on-going relationship. He is as sharp as they come, but
he seems more interested in defending himself than in
untangling his tentacles. That's OK, we get along.

[kladner]

And besides the pop wave of western frog-themed novels and films, we'll also of course have country songs

The original is a bit more obscure, outside of folkie circles, (look up, "I got no use for wimmin") but this one has been around for a long time. It is supposedly based on a very far fetched story about two guys going frog gigging. Source:
http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=27589#338813

The Gigger's Lament

I got no use for them froggies
For gigging out under the moon
'Cuz buddy, I've learned me my lesson
And I learned it none too soon;
'Cuz gigging them frogs make you crazy
And gigging them frogs makes you dumb,
Jest listen to the tale that I tell you,
An' you'll unnerstan' how come.

Mah frien' was an honest frog-gigger.
He was upright, an' honest and square
But he ended up guardin' a harem,
An' t'was giggin, put him there.
If he'd just stayed at home with his Missus
He might have been raisin' a son!
Instead, he was turned to a yewnick
With a shot from his own frog gun.


His old Chevy pickup was trusty,
Though its springs were as broken as hell;
When a blown fuse took out both his headlights,
He jes' stuck in a twenty-two shell.
Down back country roads, then at midnight,
We bounced along our way,
But impedance overheated that cartridge,
And it blew his nuts away.


Ah know that it wasn't too clever;
Ah know it was dumber than squat!
But my friend, when your balls are blown open,
It's too late to think of that!
We got him rushed over t' the Clinic
But the local press published his name
And the pore boy had to flee to Poonjabi,

To escape a life of shame.


So now he stands guarding a harem,
While someone else gets all the fun,
And he can't see a frog without weeping,
An' he's scared to touch a gun.
So Ah'll say good by to the bayou,
And the midnight call of the loon,
An' never more will I go giggin'
By the light of that bayou moon.


The alleged story follows. I'll leave the Snopes work to others.

Freaky Frog Gigging . . . [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] -- Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out.
As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. After inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded toward the White River bridge. After traveling about 20 miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree.
Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Deputy Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. (Way to go, Lavinia).

[kladner]

Well, actually:
http://www.snopes.com/autos/techno/fuse.asp

Clever tale and a funny song built on it, though.

[Xyzzy]

The Troll children have been very ill recently. We are unable to take them to see a doctor because they are really hard to catch. Plus, we think most doctors would not know much about Trolls. From what we can tell, Trolls deal with health issues with large doses of cod liver oil.



Anyways, through a complicated process of elimination we discovered that the Troll children are allergic to Dog2's fur. Dog2 does not shed fur very much, but it does tend to get on the floor and in deep dark corners, where Trolls like to hang out.

After much deliberation, we sadly returned Dog2 to the shelter we adopted him from. The good news is because he lived with us for several months, his health and socialization skills have improved to the point that we are assured he will be adopted very soon. The shelter we deal with actually ships dogs to Maine because (somehow) there is a shortage of dogs there. (!)

Dog2 will be missed. He was a lot of fun and he was very silly, which was cool.

We had hoped that Dog2 would "fill in" the hole in our life after Dog1 died but we now know that no dog will ever be able to do that. Knowing that, and knowing that there is a good chance the Troll children will be allergic to it, we doubt we will adopt another dog.

[davar55]

Sorry about Dogs 1 & 2. In time, it will have been for the best.

[Xyzzy]

We have a new intern here at the fantabulous mersenneforum.org headquarters.

We had not planned on hiring another dog, but one wandered aimlessly into our yard today and was in terrible need of employment. He was nearly starved but we see a lot of that around here in the land-of-no-leash-laws.

He has been extensively poked and prodded by our veterinarian and has been given a clean bill of health. He is severely underweight at 27 pounds but that is easily remedied. He is not picky about food at all!

The Troll children thus far have not had an allergic response to his fur, but we will monitor that situation very carefully. We are hopeful that the much higher efficiency filtration system here might help in that regard. The hovel we operated from previously was a hazardous waste nightmare.

[kladner]

I hope things work out for you all and him. He looks like a nice houndy sort of dog.
He must be bigger than I am picking up from the pictures if he is emaciated at 27 lbs.

[wombatman]

That's a beautiful animal. No doubt he will look even more impressive at full fighting weight!