Dumb (Jokes) Thread - Page 49

petrw1 · 2014-03-12, 01:13

http://m.tickld.com/x/20-jokes-that-...ill-understand

petrw1 · 2014-03-12, 01:56

PUNOGRAPHY
• I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

• A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

• How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

• This dyslexic man walks into a bra.

• PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

• Broken pencils are pointless.

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

• All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

• "Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy."

chappy · 2014-03-20, 13:30

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/kafkas-joke-book

kladner · 2014-03-20, 20:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by chappy

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/kafkas-joke-book

Those are grim! (well duh!)

tServo · 2014-06-18, 13:58

Why are Smurfs blue?

Because there's only 1 Smurfette !

Yes, yes, nudges will point out that they have recently added another one.

only_human · 2014-07-24, 23:45

Quite some time back I posted a possibly apocryphal explanation on why the word "noon" refers to a much earlier time than its original canonical time of day: because monks got hungry and wanted to break their daily fast earlier...

Today I came across a similar relic in language and decided to post it here even though it is not precisely a joke, per se. In any case, posting in this thread is better than necroposting to the thread that had "noon" in it:
(BTW, a Japanese measure word/counter word is used to describe similar objects and is useful for counting objects like cups, sheets, boxen, or whatever)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_counter_word

Quote:

わ wa, ば ba, ぱ pa 羽 Birds, rabbits* (see note); 羽 means "feather" or "wing." (...)
*Japanese Buddhist monks were not allowed to eat any meat other than birds, but liked rabbit meat so much they came up with the contrived "explanation" that rabbits are actually birds, and that their ears are unusable wings. The rationale was that while moving, rabbits only touched the ground with two feet at a time. Nowadays, wa is the usual counter for rabbits.

Kathegetes · 2014-07-25, 03:05

OMH

Xyzzy · 2014-07-25, 03:16

Quote:

Japanese Buddhist monks were not allowed to eat any meat other than birds, but liked rabbit meat so much they came up with the contrived "explanation" that rabbits are actually birds, and that their ears are unusable wings. The rationale was that while moving, rabbits only touched the ground with two feet at a time.

This is only vaguely related, but we found this article very interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sallie_Gardner_at_a_Gallop

kladner · 2014-07-25, 06:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xyzzy

This is only vaguely related, but we found this article very interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sallie_Gardner_at_a_Gallop

That is one of the most groundbreaking set of photos in all the history of photography.

Batalov · 2014-07-25, 06:49

The Matrix bullet scene was filmed using the same 120 year (then) old technology.
Just goes to show - there's nothing new under the sun.

Mark Rose · 2014-07-25, 15:25

If you pour root beer into a square cup, does it become beer?

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2014-03-12, 01:13	#529
petrw1 1976 Toyota Corona years forever! "Wayne" Nov 2006 Saskatchewan, Canada 3×5²×71 Posts	http://m.tickld.com/x/20-jokes-that-...ill-understand

2014-03-12, 01:56	#530
petrw1 1976 Toyota Corona years forever! "Wayne" Nov 2006 Saskatchewan, Canada 3·5²·71 Posts	PUNOGRAPHY • I tried to catch some fog. I mist. • When chemists die, they barium. • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. • A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. • I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. • How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. • They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O. • This dyslexic man walks into a bra. • PMS jokes aren't funny, period. • I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. • A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. • What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! • Broken pencils are pointless. • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. • I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. • All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. • "Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy."

2014-03-20, 13:30	#531
chappy "Jeff" Feb 2012 St. Louis, Missouri, USA 13·89 Posts	http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/kafkas-joke-book

2014-06-18, 13:58	#533
tServo "Marv" May 2009 near the Tannhäuser Gate 3×269 Posts	Why are Smurfs blue? Because there's only 1 Smurfette ! Yes, yes, nudges will point out that they have recently added another one.

2014-07-25, 03:05	#535
Kathegetes Jul 2012 Paris, France. 3²·11 Posts	OMH

2014-07-25, 06:49	#538
Batalov "Serge" Mar 2008 San Diego, Calif. 3²·7·163 Posts	The Matrix bullet scene was filmed using the same 120 year (then) old technology. Just goes to show - there's nothing new under the sun.

2014-07-25, 15:25	#539
Mark Rose "/X\(‘-‘)/X\" Jan 2013 https://pedan.tech/ 2⁴×199 Posts	If you pour root beer into a square cup, does it become beer?