*Official* "Baywatch: Where Are They Now?" thread
 

By popular, massive, sustained, worldwide request... (plus, the guys in the Secret [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001327/]David Hasselhoff[/url] forum thought it would be fun.)

We'll start with a randomly selected ex-random-buff-lifeguard-portraying type, a certain [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0278452/]Mr. Chris Fiore[/url], better known to series fans as "Brad". "Brad's" IMDB page shows him going from being a regular on The Series - 95 episodes to his credit - to a subsequent smashing showbusiness career consisting of the following single entry:
[code]
[b]Special Effects:[/b]

1. [url=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0219952/]Lucky Numbers[/url] (2000) (snowmobile technician)
... aka Bon numéro, Le (France)
[/code]
Well, not all of us are cut out for that crazy rocket ship called Stardom, "Brad." Rest assured, we Baywatch-deprived fans in TV Land feel your pain. Well, not really, but it's certainly a nice-sounding sentiment, don't you think? At least your years on The Series taught you the valuable skill of snowmobile repair - which, given that The Series was filmed in SoCal and (on occasion) Hawaii and Australia, is no mean feat.


Next, let's see what [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0413656/]Mr. Jeremy Jackson[/url], a.k.a. "Hoff Junior Wannabe", a.a.k.a. "Hoooooooooooobie!!! EEEEEEEKKKK!!!" is up to:

The reviews on the attached message board are decidely mixed. As one contributor to the "EEEEEWWWWW!" [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0413656/board/nest/48487430]thread[/url] (not to be confused with the "Plastic Surgery horror!!" or "Gay?" threads) puts it:
[quote]
I just saw him on the game network talking about how myspace is all about getting a**.....damn he got fugly!!!!
He was all like I am sober 6 1/2 years, I am happy about that but he looks hella scary.
[/quote]

Another anguished ex-crush-owner chimes in:
[quote]
talk about unnatural looking fella, check out the pics on his myspace page. [url=http://www.myspace.com/jeremyjackson]http://www.myspace.com/jeremyjackson[/url]

if his hair gets any tanner and his hair gets any taller, he could die it blonde and become the synthesizer player for some swedish eurof** dance group. maybe if they have a next generation abba or something.
[/quote]

Yes, "EEEEEEEKKKK!!!" to "EEEEEWWWWW!", underager to veteran 12-stepper and permanently recovering alcoholic/drug-addict/sex-addict/child-star-withdrawal-syndrome, all in just a few short years. Somewhere, a certain Mr. [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093697/]Danny Bonaduce[/url] is nodding his head knowingly, my friend. Sometimes the wheel of life hits a big ol' pothole, has a bunch of its previously taut and shiny spokes go "SPROING" and its rim get bent into one of figure-8 shapes found littering the ditches next to cobblestone sections of European spring-classics bicycle races each year. The best we can do is try to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, let one of the [i]soigneurs[/i] rush up and slap a big old bandage on our bloody grazed butt cheek which is hanging out of our torn lycra pants for all the world to see, get on a new bike, and hope the mechanic remembered to actually put a saddle on the seatpost of this one before shoving it under our butt.


As for the mighty H-Man himself? Well, what can you say? His gleaming-smiled wisdom guides us always, his Weissmüllerianly brad, manly Pec Dec atop 5-foot-long chickenLegs follows us wherever we go.

I noticed TTn's avatar would fit in this thread.

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;104752]I noticed TTn's avatar would fit in this thread.[/QUOTE]

Well, the guy who gave TTn his way-kewl recursive thong avatar happens to be the same person who runs the SDH forum. Amazing coincidence, is it not?

If this thread proves to be massive success I fully expect, might start a similar one for "Melrose Place" later. But let's not get ahead of ourselves ... at this point that would risk dilution of the small talent pool we got around here. (They're very talented, but small ... did I mention how talented they are? That's not the problem, rather it's that there's so small of them...but I think I made my point, about the whole talented-but-smallish thing ...now back to my previous discursion).

[b]URGENT REQUEST!!![/b] Anybody want to give us an update on [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000109/]Yasmine Bleeth[/url]? Has she cleaned herself up and learned to fly right, or is she still wrestling with the wicked White Nose Dust demon? Alas, poor Yasmine, so much theatrical talent, such large, um, thespian assets you showed to the world - where did it all go wrong for you, dear? Just goes to show how rude of a shock sudden emergence from the warm, embracing, one-big-happy-and-really-good-looking-life-saving familial cocoon that was [i]Baywatch[/i] into the ugly, petty, superficial "real world" must have been.

[QUOTE=ewmayer;104754]
[b]URGENT REQUEST!!![/b] Anybody want to give us an update on [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000109/]Yasmine Bleeth[/url]? [/QUOTE]
Well, I do know that her fanclub site as moved:

[url]http://www.mersenneforum.org/showthread.php?t=5897[/url]

[QUOTE=ewmayer;104754][b]URGENT REQUEST!!![/b] Anybody want to give us an update on [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000109/]Yasmine Bleeth[/url]?[/QUOTE]

All I know, was that it was her charms (and Cheech's humour) that made this steaming pile: [URL="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115285/"]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115285/:yucky:[/URL] at all palatable.
Don Johnson as a rebel detective? Didn't we have that in the 80's?:sick:

DH shocker: drunk shirtless burger-eating binge!!!
 

Shocking Hasselhoffian newsflash - thanks to our intrepid Hollywood scoopmeister Xyzzy for this link:

[url]http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070507/ap_on_en_tv/people_hasselhoff[/url]

[quote][b]Hasselhoff's visitation rights suspended[/b]

1 hour, 19 minutes ago

LOS ANGELES - A judge on Monday suspended David Hasselhoff's visitation rights with his two teenage daughters after last week's surfacing of a videotape showing the recovering alcoholic apparently intoxicated in his Las Vegas home.[/quote]
A fading Hollywood B-show star, drunk? In his home? In Las Vegas, no less? A shocking combination of circumstances...

[quote]"This videotape changes the landscape, it just does," Superior Court Judge Mark Juhas said.[/quote]
It's, like, one of those monster-sized Caterpillar open-pit-mining tractor thingies ... only bigger and sexier...

[quote]The judge set a May 21 hearing to determine if the tape is authentic and who was responsible for its release. His visitation order will remain in effect until then.

Hasselhoff, 54, did not attend the hearing, but his former wife Pamela Bach was there.

Portions of the video were aired last week on syndicated entertainment shows. The video shows Hasselhoff, wearing only blue jeans, lying on a floor and clumsily eating a hamburger while one of his daughters videotapes him and reproves him about his drinking.[/quote]
Luckily he didn't try drinking and chewing gum at the same time - that could have had catastrophic consequences. At least burgers have a fair amount of padding.

[quote]Hasselhoff said in a statement last week that he's a recovering alcoholic and the tape was made to show him what he can be like under the influence of alcohol.

"I have learned from it and I am back on my game," he said then.[/quote]
His game, of course, being that fun-fest known as "Fall Off the Wagon".

[quote]A message left Monday for Hasselhoff's attorney, Melvin Goldsman, was not immediately returned.[/quote]
A sure sign of guilt!

[quote]Attorney Debra Opri, who represents Bach, said her client was upset about the release of the tape and stunned by her former husband's behavior in front of their daughter.

"She's devastated the videotape was put out in the press," Opri said. "When a mother hears this from her daughter, what does she think? `I haven't protected my daughters.'"[/quote]
That's right ... she's such a concerned parent that she thinks Vegas is a great place for her kids to grow up.

[quote]The syndicated entertainment shows said the tape was made about three months ago by Hasselhoff's 16-year-old daughter, Taylor-Ann, in his home in Las Vegas, where the former "Baywatch" star had been appearing in a stage version of "The Producers."[/quote]
Hey - most people just don't appreciate how stressful producering stuff - even in a staged sense - can be.

[quote]On the tape, a girl's voice is heard saying: "Dad, you need to promise me you're not gonna get alcohol tonight, OK?"[/quote]
OK, I promise to not get alcohol tonight - I'll just drink from the stash I already have in the house...

[quote]"If you get alcohol tonight, you're fired from your show tomorrow," the girl continues. "And a doctor's coming over here in the morning to check your alcohol level and if there's any alcohol in your system you're gonna be fired from the show. Tomorrow. You hear me? No alcohol."[/quote]
Nag, nag, nag...who do you think you are, young lady - your mother?

[quote]"OK," Hasselhoff replies in a slurred voice.

Hasselhoff filed for divorce from Bach last year after 16 years of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences. Bach, 43, filed her own divorce papers, also citing irreconcilable differences.[/quote]
Yes, great minds think alike...

[quote]In addition to Taylor-Ann, they have a 14-year-old daughter. The couple share joint custody of the girls, Opri said.[/quote]
As opposed to not sharing joint custody? How would that work, anyway?

DH should consider turning this little embarrassment into a creative goldmine, maybe a 2-hour TV special called [i][b]Baywatch: Off the Wagon.[/b][/i]

Agonized Hoff-fans [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001327/board/nest/73591049]weigh in[/url] on the drunken-burger-munchies scandal.

I can't help but wonder what fellow ex-Baywatch off-the-wagoner (the "ex" refers to the Baywatch part, not the off-the-wagon bit, obviously) [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000109/]Yasmine Bleeth[/url] thinks of all these sordid goings-on. [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000109/]Yasmine[/url], if [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000109/]you[/url] have any words of support or advice for David during this difficult time, I beg [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000109/]you[/url], please don't hesitate to post them [url=http://www.mersenneforum.org/showthread.php?t=7987]here[/url].

Everyone deserves a second chance at a fresh start in an attempt to make a clean break from wrestling with their personal demons and redeem themselves for their latest failed rehab attempt, right?

Just keep reminding yourself of what's at stake here, not just for DH but for all humanity -- in the words of the Great Man Himself:

[i]"Beyond its entertainment value, [url=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096542/]Baywatch[/url] has enriched and, in many ways, helped save lives. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to continue with a project which has had such significance for so many."[/i] -- David Hasselhoff

That's right, the global phenomenon that was [i]Baywatch[/i] didn't just save lives onscreen. As the wisdom of the sages tells us,

[i]"Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire."[/i] -- a saying from the Talmud.

I have to stop now ... getting very emotional...

Another Hoff fan (haven't yet figured out which of the Baywatching tag team of akruppa and Xyzzy it was) asks plaintively:
[url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001327/board/thread/74261669]Why do they Hassle the Hoff?"[/url]

[quote][b]Why do they Hassle the Hoff?[/b]
by [url=http://www.imdb.com/user/ur5243401/boards/profile/]smulkin[/url] 2 days ago (Mon May 14 2007 12:29:59)

I can't imagine why anyone would do such a terrible thing, especially after the valuable contributions he has made to our culture(and especially, our table manners).[/quote]

Why, indeed -- well-asked, my perspicacious friend.

More commentary on [URL="http://tomatonation.com/?p=916#more-916"]The Hoff[/URL] (dated, but still good).

Many of the GBC entries on Tomato Nation reference him, and even the ones that don't are amusing.

[QUOTE=sdbardwick;106308]More commentary on [URL="http://tomatonation.com/?p=916#more-916"]The Hoff[/URL] (dated, but still good).[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the link...

[quote][b]Wing Chun:[/b] "David Hasselhoff is suing an English tabloid newspaper after it claimed he went on a drunken rampage at the Wimbledon tennis championships earlier this month."

[b]Sarah:[/b] I can't wait to see that filing on Smoking Gun.com. What exactly is his claim here? That it wasn't a rampage?

[b]Wing Chun:[/b] "Mr. Hasselhoff's attorney insisted that his client's behavior constituted more of a kerfuffle or a brouhaha than a rampage."

[b]Sarah:[/b] "Under British law, rampages must contain at least one soccer hooligan and a slurred mention of Lord Jeff."[/quote]

Ha ha, classic.

Erm, I mean, tragic, just tragic ... the personal and societal ravages of that terrible *disease* known as [i]Boozus Houndus[/i] simply can not be understated.

Boozehound Hoff out of legal Doghouse! (for now)
 

[url]http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070522/ap_on_en_tv/people_hasselhoff[/url]

[i]"I promise never to drunkenly and clumsily eat a burger while sitting on the floor in a shirtless state and mumbling slurred reminiscences of how I so wanted to bang Alexandra Paul on the Baywatch set, your honor...I hope this act of, like, attrition, satisfies the aggrieved parties..."[/i]

Today is Yasmine's Birthday:party:

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;108285]Today is Yasmine's Birthday:party:[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the reminder! In our selfish pursuit of of our lives and, um, pursuits, we almost committed the cardinal sin of forgetting this auspicious calendar date. Yes, multiple Happy-39th-birthday (how time flies) -Yasmine threads today on the IMDB [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000109/board]show-Yasmine-the-love[/url] board.

An enraptured young fan is moved to write:
[quote=Fifballer]Happy birthday. 20 years from me, and I'll be 19 in September. I love women over 20 years of me.[/quote]

My sentiments exactly. :tu: (Well, except for the 19-in-September bit, alas).

I'm sure there must be a country & western song that expresses this better than I and Fifballer can ... Indeed, it seems C&W legend Ronnie McDowell (not to be confused with the [i]Planet of the Apes[/i] dude - he was never a guest star on [i]Baywatch[/i] anyway, not nearly tanned and buff enough) has provided us with the [url=http://www.lyricsandsongs.com/song/529557.html]appropriate sentiment[/url]:
[quote=RONNIE MCDOWELL from the album UNKNOWN]
[i]
(CHORUS)
Older women, are beautiful lovers
Older women, they understand
I've been around some, and I have discovered
That older women know just how to please a man.

(Verse)

Everybody seems to love those younger women
From eighteen on up to twenty-five
Well I love 'em too, but I'm tellin' you
Learnin' how to really love, takes a little time.

(CHORUS)

(Verse)
So baby don't you worry about growin' older
Those young girls ain't got nothin' on you
'Cause it takes some livin', to get good at givin'
And givin' love is just where you could teach them a thing or two.

(Chorus)[/i]
[/quote]

Snif ... getting a bit misty, I think I need a moment ... talk amongst yourselves ... here, I'll give you a topic - "Yasmine Bleeth is the greatest thing to happen to lifesaving since the invention of the ball-peen hammer." Discuss!

[quote=ewmayer;108295]Snif ... getting a bit misty, I think I need a moment ... talk amongst yourselves ... here, I'll give you a topic - "Yasmine Bleeth is the greatest thing to happen to lifesaving since the invention of the ball-peen hammer." Discuss![/quote]

As is authoritatively discussed [URL="http://www.geocities.com/athens/acropolis/5579/kaolin.html"]here[/URL], [URL="http://news.nurse.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070504/OR/305040026/1016"]here[/URL], and especially [URL="http://www.qfever.com/issues/20010627/hammer.html"]here[/URL], ball-peen hammers are essential elements of a wide variety of modern medicine. Yasmine Bleeth, on the other hand, meerly routinely gives mouth to mouth resusitation while clad in approximately 0.178 square feet of stretched spandex ... on second thought ... forget the hammer!

Hasselhoff wins full custody of his kids!
 

Fellow recovering cheeseburger-munching alcoholics, take note: there is hope!

[url]http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070615/ap_on_en_tv/people_hasselhoff[/url]

Inspirational Hoff-quote of the week to live by:

"We're all gonna deal with our issues," he said. "We're all gonna get through life and hopefully spend the rest of this glorious, blessed day on the beach."

Hopefully with the glorious, blessed Yasmine Bleeth ... inspired by the Hoff's shining example, I'd be willing to take "primary physical custody" of Yasmine anytime, I wouldn't even quibble about legal custody. It wouldn't even have to be on the beach, just pop some old Baywatch videos into the VCR, maybe a CD of "soothing beach sounds" playing in the background, tenderly dab a bit of zinc oxide ointment onto each other's noses (just like the beach Eskimos do) and snuggle the hours away.

Happened to watch the spongebob squarepants movie last weekend.... twice... the hoff is actually quite funny in a cheesy sort of way :)

Today is The Hoff's Birthday:party:

No hasselling allowed.

Hoffy 55th birthday, Happ! Your complimentary AARP Platinum card is in the mail.

I see someone has posted the obligatory [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001327/board/thread/79966039]"David, please pay me ... to eat your poop"[/url] birthday thread on IMDB. Now *that's* the kind of fan loyalty only money can buy.

The one-shop-stop for all your Hoff-lovin'
[URL]http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/organgrinder/2007/08/guardian_viral_video_chart_31.html[/URL]

Thanks for the excellent link, garo - gosh, what a multitalented performer the Hoff is, I'll bet somewhere Laurence Olivier is watching jealously, tearing his afterlife hair, and crying "I coulda been the Knight Rider guy! Why did they not even let me audition!? I was frickin' Hamlet, fer cryin' out loud! Just because I don't have 4-foot-long chicken legs? I could've worn mini-stilts under my jeans! But nooo......"

[URL="http://www.artforrobots.com/_images/cartoon/PoseableHoff_Final.pdf"]The Do-It-Yourself Posable Paper David Hasselhoff[/URL]

[QUOTE=sdbardwick;115181][URL="http://www.artforrobots.com/_images/cartoon/PoseableHoff_Final.pdf"]The Do-It-Yourself Posable Paper David Hasselhoff[/URL][/QUOTE]

Outstanding! Guess I'll have to add the little paper "beer bottle", "cheeseburger" and "slurred speech balloon" cutouts myself, but that will be fun and not terribly difficult. It would be cool if you could find cuttable sheets of magnetized rubbery material to glue the paper to - presto, instant fridge magnet fun!

Notice the "next month" advert at the bottom of the above page...they're gonna need an extra-large sheet of paper for that one, obviously.

Why was this thread locked for so long? Enquiring minds would like to know....

Rich

[quote=richs;115207]Why was this thread locked for so long? Enquiring minds would like to know....

Rich[/quote]
I for one wish it had stayed locked:mad:

More Hoff for everyone, [URL="http://realitytv.about.com/b/a/258007.htm"]http://realitytv.about.com/b/a/258007.htm[/URL]

The latest issue (Vol. 50, No. 4, 2007) of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" arrived yesterday, and includes the article "On the motion of bodies relative to David Hasselhoff" (pages 28-29), which includes "rigorous mathematics" showing that David Hasellhoff is the center of the universe.

Oddly, this Mersenne Forum is not cited in the list of references, which does include [I]Annalen der Physik[/I] (by Einstein, A.), [I]Making Waves: The Autobiography[/I] (by Hasselfoff, D), [I]Phys. Rept.[/I] (Ahoroney, O., et. al.), and [I]All Headline News [/I](by Oliveira, M).

I would post this in the secret David Hasselhoff thread, but I am not allowed in there, of course.

Norm

[URL]http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071219/ap_on_en_tv/people_hasselhoff[/URL]

[url]http://www.cinemablend.com/technology/Knight-Rider-Car-Ebay-Auction-Suspended-7923.html[/url]

[url]http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2007/dec/22/health[/url]

[URL]http://www.nypost.com/seven/12252007/news/nationalnews/new_look_for_a_good_knight_564567.htm[/URL]

[url]http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&entry_id=23334[/url]

[QUOTE=Xyzzy;122561][url]http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&entry_id=23334[/url][/QUOTE]

[quote]The Enquirer claims that during a recent binge, Hasselhoff asked his 17-year-old daughter to drive to a liquor store to buy vodka for him.[/quote]

Now see, that actually strikes me as a quite responsible thing to do - don't drink and drive, right? Of course if he still had KITT, he wouldn't be forced to resort to the embarrassment of asking his girl to chauffeur him around.

Also, the article unfairly fails to mention that the inevitable mega-ginormous cheeseburger serving as the main course would significantly slow the absorption of the vodka - a kind of "extended-release" inebriation.

I wonder if the [alleged] "intervention" involved bathing-suit-clad models running around with this cute little red plastic lifeguard all-in-one kits they used on [i]Baywatch[/i] ... if you toss the useless first-aid junk out, you can carry a decent amount of booze in those, I hear.

"Knight Rider" remake a smashing success!!
 

Check out [url=http://imdb.com/title/tt1114258/usercomments]these comments[/url] from thrilled viewers: a small sampling, I've only added a few exclamation marks and strategic redactions-for-emphasis, the way Hollywood movie studios do to random-radio-show-host blurbs, to more clearly convey the true emotional state of the predictably laudatory reviewers:

[quote][b]It's bad... really bad!!![/b]
18 February 2008
3/10
Author: claphamslags from UK

[b][size=+5]Words cannot truly express how[/b][/size] awful this "movie" is. But hey, I'll try...

Where to start? The virtually non-existent plot (which still has holes big enough to drive a Mustang through)? The infantile dialogue? Dreadful performances? Between Bruce Davison's phoned-in effort and a typically [b][size=+5]beautiful!!![/b][/size]-but-wooden leading man we have Deanna Russo's valley girl scientist - already this years most annoying voice and it's only February. Sydney Poitier should have known better and it shows - looking like she's about to turn to us at any moment and ask how the hell she ended up here.

I really thought this was the kind of trash that wasn't been made any more - in a world of Battlestar Galactica, Heroes and Lost, this show has no business existing. Insulting to a new audience and worthless to fans of the original - what could have been a decent update/re-imagining is just a noisy, empty mess.

There are plenty of much better ways to waste 80 minutes of your life, such as repeatedly bashing yourself over the head with a shovel. [/quote]


[quote][b]Scrap this series and start again at the drawing board!!!!!!!!!!![/b]
18 February 2008
1/10
Author: claudegable3 from United States

[b][size=+5]Awesome Car upgrades!!![/b][/size], without spoiling with specifics: as a 20 something male who loves action movies - This is not a series I would watch again under any circumstances. The dialogue is similar to General Hospital, the plot(s) as likely as porn, and the constant music score [b][size=+5]completely destroys[/b][/size] any similarity to [b][size=+5]the original series!!!!!!!!!![/b][/size].[/quote]

[quote][b]How can they make this stuff so bad!!!![/b]
17 February 2008
1/10
Author: DrStranglove from USA

How can they make this stuff so bad? I mean when was anyone going to drive the car?

Alright, no [b][size=+5]more[/b][/size] spoilers. This show had potential. It did! People love [b][size=+5]gadgets!!!!!!!![/b][/size] like KITT and may [b][size=+5]people[/b][/size] that liked the old original series would have [b][size=+5]flock[/b][/size]ed [b][size=+5]to see[/b][/size] this just as they did Battlestar Galactica. And had a [b][size=+5]hard hitting show!!!!!!!!!!!![/b][/size] been made it would have been just as much a hit.

But no, instead, a virtual cartoon of a kiddy show was made instead which had no surprises, was not [b][size=+5]exciting[/b][/size], and frankly, had cheesy [b][size=+5]special effects!!!!!!!!!!!![/b][/size] to boot.

I am sorry ladies and gents, but [b][size=+5]even[/b][/size] the original in all its dated glory is [b][size=+5]better!!!!![/b][/size] than this 2 hour commercial for Ford. [/quote]


[quote][b]Worse than awful!!!!!!![/b]
18 February 2008
1/10
Author: kodath from United States

One of the shows I watched as a kid growing up was Knight Rider. It was cheesy then and it's still cheesy now, and that's OK. In almost every episode you would see one or two things that required a double take, as in "Wow, did they really just do that? How lame!". It's part of what made [b][size=+5]Knight Rider worth watching...[/b][/size], along with David Hasselhoff's [b][size=+5]hilarious!!!!!!![/b][/size] over-acting and KITT.

This new incarnation, however, is horrendous. Where to begin? The [b][size=+5]acting...[/b][/size] is awful. The [b][size=+5]music...[/b][/size] is awful. The [b][size=+5]camera work...[/b][/size] is awful. The [b][size=+5]plot...[/b][/size] is awful. Worst of all KITT, the star of the show, is awful. The car (voiced by Val Kilmer) is creepy in that middle-aged-pedophile sort of way, and any scene containing the car itself feels [b][size=+5]overwhelming!!!!!!![/b][/size]ly like a commercial for Ford. In fact, the entire 80 minute movie feels like one long Ford commercial. He's also taken up psychiatry as a hobby.

Lets take a quick look at the plot. Charles Graiman, the current CEO of Knight Industries, is accosted by thugs who steal his hard drives and dies of a heart attack. KITT escapes and must protect Graiman's daughter, Sarah, because the thugs (aka. members of a private security firm previously in Iraq called "Black River" (no joke)) need her to decrypt the hard drives. Add Mike Traceur, an ex Army Ranger, to the mix and what ensues is 50 minutes of a very bad chase scene.

Some [b][size=+5]people will like this new Knight Rider!!!!!!!!!!!![/b][/size], but if decent actin[b][size=+5]g[/b][/size], sc[b][size=+5]r[/b][/size]ipt, plot, music or cam[b][size=+5]e[/b][/size]r[b][size=+5]a[/b][/size] work are impor[b][size=+5]t[/b][/size]ant to you at all, you're in for a very painful [b][size=+5]ride!!!!!![/b][/size]. [/quote]

Baywatch on ION TV - The Hoff is Back! [In Reruns]
 

So, anyone experience the rapture that is [i]Baywatch[/i] reruns every night on ION TV? [started this past monday]

Yesterday we had the lovely Alexandra Paul returning to the Hoff's beach, and a huffy Hoff hemming and hawing about much her hiatus after the end of their Hoff-fair hurt him. He then puffed out his hirsute Hoff-chest, turned on his Hoffian heels and strode off on those implausibly high chicken legs of his, the "better to wade through what would be chest-high surf for the non-chicken-legged" ones he's so famous for.

He even gave a moving surf soliloquy to his buddy Old Crusty after leaving Ms. Paul in a huff, in which he movingly and eloquently played off Humphrey Bogart's classic [i]Casablanca[/i] quote:

[i]"Of all the beaches in all the LA subdivisions of the world, she has to come to mine."[/i] [Or something like that - I was too busy daubing at the tears welling up in my eyes to note the exact wording.]

That brought tears to my eyes - I had to honk into a Hasselhoffian hankie, honest!

[URL]http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/news/david-hasselhoff-to-compete-on-dancing-with-the-stars-2010258[/URL]

The Hoff just got booted from "Dancing With the Stars".

Not that we watch that show or anything.

:no:

[URL="http://www.showbizspy.com/article/213399/david-hasselhoff-refuses-to-wear-thong-on-dancing-with-the-stars.html"][SIZE=1]http://www.showbizspy.com/article/213399/david-hasselhoff-refuses-to-wear-thong-on-dancing-with-the-stars.html[/SIZE][/URL]

[URL]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCgqdXaKA44[/URL]