GAH!!! I'm having sympathetic itchy pain after reading this thread. God only knows what will happen if I ever get a girl pregnant.

(Well, woman. I'd probably get arrested if I got a non-adult pregnant)

[QUOTE=jasong;326454]GAH!!! I'm having sympathetic itchy pain after reading this thread. God only knows what will happen if I ever get a girl pregnant.[/QUOTE]

Shingles:Itchy pain::Contraction pains:Bloated gassy feeling? (I wouldn't know, having suffered neither shingles nor pregnancy).

[QUOTE=jasong;326454](Well, woman. I'd probably get arrested if I got a non-adult pregnant)[/QUOTE]Or acute lead poisoning.:edit:

[QUOTE=axn;326456]Shingles:Itchy pain::Contraction pains:Bloated gassy feeling? (I wouldn't know, having suffered neither shingles nor pregnancy).[/QUOTE]Never having been pregnant I can't speak from experience on the latter. I've heard it described as intermittent waves of pain like a severe attack of food poisoning, followed by the sensation of shitting an intact grapefruit.

As for shingles, the discomfort varies from time to time; sometimes several are present at once. Right now I've a dull ache and a mild itch. I've also had serious itching, burning tingling, a feeling akin to being hit with a metal bar and short stabbing pains like being jabbed with a needle.

There, that should give jasong's imagination something to work with.


Paul

[QUOTE=xilman;326459]the discomfort varies from time to time; sometimes several are present at once. Right now I've a dull ache and a mild itch. I've also had serious itching, burning tingling, a feeling akin to being hit with a metal bar and short stabbing pains like being jabbed with a needle.[/QUOTE]You should have [SPOILER]worn a mac[/SPOILER].

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;326457]Or acute lead poisoning.:edit:[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;326462]You should have [SPOILER]worn a mac[/SPOILER].[/QUOTE]
I never thought I'd get the feeling that Uncwilly is making some extremely smutty jokes which I totally fail to understand. (Well, jasong started the smut here, but still...!)

Uncwilly, I really want to ask you to explain the joke(s) seeing that I'm too naive and innocent to understand them myself, but perhaps I shouldn't really because (1) this is the lounge where we're supposed to behave ourselves, (2) this is supposed to be an unhappy thread, not a joke thread, and (3) it's undoubtedly way off the topic of Paul's suffering. So I'll just say that any PM to me satisfying my puzzled curiosity would be greatly appreciated.:rolleyes:

[QUOTE=Brian-E;326480]I never thought I'd get the feeling that Uncwilly is making some extremely smutty jokes which I totally fail to understand. (Well, jasong started the smut here, but still...!)

Uncwilly, I really want to ask you to explain the joke(s) seeing that I'm too naive and innocent to understand them myself, but perhaps I shouldn't really because (1) this is the lounge where we're supposed to behave ourselves, (2) this is supposed to be an unhappy thread, not a joke thread, and (3) it's undoubtedly way off the topic of Paul's suffering. So I'll just say that any PM to me satisfying my puzzled curiosity would be greatly appreciated.:rolleyes:[/QUOTE]

The joke is, I believe, one on Mac computers/mackintosh, the article of clothing, and the mistaken belief that Macs are immune from catching viruses. I *think* that's what it is, anyway...

[QUOTE=jasong;326454]God only knows what will happen if I ever get a girl pregnant.[/QUOTE]

Scientists are still not quite sure of the entire process, but the widely held understanding is that after consumption of large quantities of pickles, peanut butter, and some twenty cartons of Chubby Hubby ice cream (the order of these may be changed WLOG) over an approximate span of nine months, the woman begins to experience rather intense and lucid hallucinations of a large, dimwitted stork flying through her window, carrying in its beak [I]n[/I] babies, where [I]n[/I] is a positive integer such that 1 <= [I]n[/I] <= 8. For convenience and identification purposes, the baby(ies) are generally seen to be swaddled in pink or blue bunting, according to the gender norms of the woman's home jurisdiction. Moreover, it is believed that any remaining Chubby Hubby should be immediately relinquished to the stork as a gratuity and a goodwill parting gift, as the large, bumbling bird is likely to be a return visitor in a number of years [I]y[/I], where [I]y[/I] is believed to be inversely related to [I]n[/I].

[QUOTE](Well, woman. I'd probably get arrested if I got a non-adult pregnant)[/QUOTE]

Well, that depends, actually. We recently discovered that my great-aunt was born to a 14-year-old mother (who would have been 13 when the baby was conceived) and a 29-year-old father. Granted, this was in 1929, in North Carolina (my great-aunt and Lowe's hardware store share the same birth town), and the birth certificate was "adjusted" to register a 16-year-old mother and a 21-year-old father, which threw me off at first, until I saw their actual dates of birth on their graves! :whistle:

The story I have often heard repeated in the South is that this sort of thing went on a good bit, but a true gentleman would wait to ask a lady's hand in marriage until at least her 16th birthday. This at least was how it happened with my maternal great-grandparents; he was five years older than she was, and her parents asked him to wait until she was 16 and he was 21. The sad thing is that he ended up dying very young, leaving my great-grandmother alone until her death at age 92. She always said that she never was interested in marrying again, because she would never love anyone as much as she had loved my great-granddad.

Sounds like an Apple-geek variant on any of the numerous jokes about wishing one had worn a condom, in its euphemistic "raincoat" (a.k.a. mackintosh) form.

[i]From wearing a condom, you will learn,
That no deposit, means no return.[/i]

Another archaic word for condom is "safe", e.g.
[spoiler]
There once was a young fellow named Dick,
Who perfected a marvelous trick.
With a safe for protection,
He'd get an erection,
And balance himself on his prick.[/spoiler]

The version of that one I learnt has a full 10 "limericial" stanzas.

Just a quick update on me da': the doctor has changed his prognosis to Stage 4, non-small-cell lung cancer, due to the discovery of a mass directly under his adrenal glands. He starts radiation tomorrow, on top of his 5-hour dose of chemotherapy every three weeks (they give him intense amounts at a time). On the same front, though, his (and my step-mother's) baby appears to be on schedule to pop out on time, if not a bit early. She has taken to kicking and scratching her back on my stepmother's stomach. A good note, though, in regards to the big C and the baby: my father has finally quit smoking (he actually started cold turkey about three weeks before finding out about the cancer, which was undoubtedly a result of chain smoking for 18 years)

Why do so many people tolerate [URL="http://ca.news.yahoo.com/fleeing-islamists-leave-legacy-destruction-timbuktu-073255120.html"]this behavior[/URL]? :rant:

I'm referring specifically the destruction of historical artifacts.