[QUOTE=retina;529053]I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. [/QUOTE]
Where the other leg worked at? :shock:
(paraphrasing Mary Poppins, "I know a man with a wooden leg called Smith" "And what was the name of the other leg?" or something like that)

What did one chimney say to the other? You're too young to smoke.

What did one wall say to the other? Meet me at the corner.

What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing. It just waved.

Two psychologists run into each other. “You’re fine. How am I doing?”

What’s the best thing about telling UDP jokes? I don’t have to care if you get them.

quote

What did one chimney say to the other? You're too young to smoke

very funny

[QUOTE=LaurV;529170]Where the other leg worked at? :shock:
(paraphrasing Mary Poppins, "I know a man with a wooden leg called Smith" "And what was the name of the other leg?" or something like that)[/QUOTE]
This reminds me of part of an interview I heard on the radio. The interviewee said his father had had a job transporting logs by truck. He met one of his father's old customers once, who said, "Your father was the toughest man I ever met. He was unloading the logs off his truck, and one of them slipped. There was a terrible crunching sound, and he said, `I think I broke my foot.' He got the log unloaded, looked down, and said, `Yep, it's broke, all right.' Then he reached down, and there was another terrible crunching sound as he [i]twisted[/i] it back into position. Then he kept right on working!"

The interviewee concluded, "I didn't tell him about my father's wooden leg..."

Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What word means fear of Santa? Claustrophobia.

What do you get when you cross a crocodile with a train? Two halves of a crocodile.

Which dog is the most awe inspiring? Shee! Wow! Aah!

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there. He said he couldn't complain.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? Half-way.

What do you get if you cross two mosquitos?

[B]0[/B], because they are the same vectors.

I asked my Mexican friend how they felt about the US building a wall. They said they'd get over it.

My wife's cat died recently, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one. She was livid. She said "What am I going to do with two dead cats?"

My wife demanded to know why I spent the remainder of our entire life savings on dogs. I told her they are Golden Retrievers. They retrieve GOLD. I did it for us.

Why do golf pros wear two pairs of socks? In case they get a hole in one.

I rode my bicycle to the liquor store and bought a bottle of whiskey. Before riding back home, I looked at the bottle in the bicycle basket and thought it would surely get smashed to pieces if I accidentally fall on my way back. So I just drank the whole bottle and then rode home. It was a wise decision, because indeed I fell seven times before I got home.

[QUOTE=retina;529257]Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
<snip>[/QUOTE]Related: A commonly given definition of a (good) farmer is "A man outstanding in his field."

A couple of jokes I recall hearing, back when dinosaurs ruled the earth:

What does every farmer grow in his field, no matter what he plants? Tired.

What is the first thing a man plants in his garden? His foot.

I thought the ten most recent puns here were too awesome to waste so I showed each of them to my wife to make her laugh. But no pun in ten did.

Autocorrect sometimes makes me type things I didn't Nintendo.

When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof. I was shocked.

Let's hope Elon Musk doesn't have a scandal. Elongate would drag on forever.

I used to be a kleptomaniac, but I took something for it.

I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure. Or was it forgetful?