I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.

An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, public house, inn, restaurant, club.

I'll tell you something positive about Switzerland. The flag’s a big plus.

Why do bicycles fall over when you try to stand them up on their own? Because they're two tyred.

My friend David lost his ID the other day. Now we just call him Dav.

[QUOTE=retina;529053]
An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, public house, inn, restaurant, club.
[/QUOTE]

Reminds me of this one:

A software tester walks into a bar and orders a beer. Then he orders two beers. Then he orders -1 beers. Then he orders 2.54 beers. Then he orders abacus beers. Then he orders...

[QUOTE=masser;529054]Reminds me of this one:

A software tester walks into a bar and orders a beer. Then he orders two beers. Then he orders -1 beers. Then he orders 2.54 beers. Then he orders abacus beers. Then he orders...[/QUOTE]
Both of these jokes are not dumb. They are simply cruel. :-)
Collectively they reminded me of the 'Clerks' movie joke (you have to watch it to get the end of it, if you haven't)-
[QUOTE="Clerks (1994)"]It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually ... ... ... ... [/QUOTE]

Dig you hear about the guy that ended up having the entire left side of his body amputated? He was a while recovering, but when he finally left the hospital he was all right!

My friend keeps complaining about his job at the concrete plant. He says it keeps getting harder.

Why do some couples refuse to go to the gym together? Because some relationships just don't work out.

I've been reading a book about anti gravity. It's impossible to put down.

A vegan said to me “People who sell meat are gross”. I replied “But people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer”.

What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less.

[QUOTE=retina;529096]My friend keeps complaining about his job at the concrete plant. He says it keeps getting harder.[/QUOTE]
It was cement to be.

[QUOTE=Dr Sardonicus;529098]It was cement to be.[/QUOTE]

Reminds me of some wit from about 20 years ago:

Around the year 2000 Windows had the following Operating Systems on their 3 lines of devices:

On their Pocket PC: Windows CE
On their Desktops: Windows ME
On their Servers: Windows NT

A wise person suggested Microsoft had decided to pool the best minds from all 3 divisions and develop 1 OS that could run on all their devices with the best features from each.
They would name it Windows: CE-ME-NT … or Windows CEMENT.
Tag Line: Hard as a Rock and Dumb as a Brick.

============= To be fair =======

About the same time IBM was talking about an upcoming product that would store and interrelate and interconnect the entirety of your company knowledge: not only all your data but all your meta-data, your contact information, your documentation, company records, etc. It was going to be called the IBM Repository. The rest of the story is first hand: I was at an IBM conference where one or the presenters was announcing another new software product. There were dozens of empty boxes at the back of the room with the product name on it (wishful thinking by the Sales department). So the presenter, hoping to spark some dialog, held up one of the boxes and asked: "Does anyone know what this is?" Another wise person at the back noticing it was a [B][U]big, empty blue-box[/U][/B] said: "The IBM Repository!" …. And raucous laughter ensued.

[QUOTE=petrw1;529104]They would name it Windows: CE-ME-NT … or Windows CEMENT.
Tag Line: Hard as a Rock and Dumb as a Brick.[/QUOTE][STRIKE]https://external-preview.redd.it/1WN9Vrz1gjERiGjyfJ8kUZEANRBBcFdd-Sn2D1CXD0U.pn[/STRIKE]g
[url]https://i.imgur.com/zh4F55R.png[/url]

[QUOTE=petrw1;529104]About the same time IBM was talking about an upcoming product that would store and interrelate and interconnect the entirety of your company knowledge: not only all your data but all your meta-data, your contact information, your documentation, company records, etc. It was going to be called the IBM Repository. The rest of the story is first hand: I was at an IBM conference where one or the presenters was announcing another new software product. There were dozens of empty boxes at the back of the room with the product name on it (wishful thinking by the Sales department). So the presenter, hoping to spark some dialog, held up one of the boxes and asked: "Does anyone know what this is?" Another wise person at the back noticing it was a [B][U]big, empty blue-box[/U][/B] said: "The IBM Repository!" …. And raucous laughter ensued.[/QUOTE]

Too bad it wasn't The IBM Suppository. Like the intranet, but for more personal data.

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;529106][url]https://external-preview.redd.it/1WN9Vrz1gjERiGjyfJ8kUZEANRBBcFdd-Sn2D1CXD0U.png[/url][/QUOTE][quote]Error 403 Forbidden

Forbidden
Guru Mediation:

Details: <snip>[/quote]?

[QUOTE=retina;529108]?[/QUOTE]
I guess I sanitized the url too much.
This one should work:
[url]https://i.imgur.com/zh4F55R.png[/url]