[QUOTE=retina;527148]My wife bought me some new pants and asked me to try them on. I tried them on and said "They feel like a badly designed castle." My wife was confused. I said "No ballroom."
[/QUOTE]
This time she replied "No tower either..." :razz:

[QUOTE=retina;527148]My wife bought me some new pants and asked me to try them on. I tried them on and said "They feel like a badly designed castle." My wife was confused. I said "No ballroom."[/QUOTE][URL="https://www.duluthtrading.com/men/collections/ballroom-jeans/"]And yet they exist.[/URL]

A wealthy doctor agreed to hire assistants to help film a sequel to "Like Mike" with a catchy title. When I came back after casting the actors, though, all the aides weren't there! So much for "Like Magic"...

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;527167][URL="https://www.duluthtrading.com/men/collections/ballroom-jeans/"]And yet they exist.[/URL][/QUOTE][code]Error 1020 Ray ID: 51fa7c58ad9bdd62 • 2019-10-02 23:34:12 UTC
Access denied
What happened?

This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks.

Cloudflare Ray ID: 51fa7c58ad9bdd62 • Your IP: 23.64.35.71 • Performance & security by Cloudflare[/code]Stupid website is stupid.

[QUOTE=retina;527207][code]Cloudflare Ray ID: 51fa7c58ad9bdd62 • Your IP: 23.64.35.71 • Performance & security by Cloudflare[/code]Stupid website is stupid.[/QUOTE]It's not a Tor exit node according to [url]https://ipduh.com/ip/tor-exit/[/url] . I get thousands of attacks from such and have been seriously considering dropping their packets at the firewall.

whois(1) reports that it's allocated by Akamai Technologies, Inc. of Cambridge (MA, not UK).

I had always believed that your secret lair was somewhere in the continental US but had no real evidence. This latest snippet makes my belief stronger.

[QUOTE=xilman;527218]It's not a Tor exit node according to [url]https://ipduh.com/ip/tor-exit/[/url] . I get thousands of attacks from such and have been seriously considering dropping their packets at the firewall.

whois(1) reports that it's allocated by Akamai Technologies, Inc. of Cambridge (MA, not UK).

I had always believed that your secret lair was somewhere in the continental US but had no real evidence. This latest snippet makes my belief stronger.[/QUOTE]I use VPNs so that analysis won't help you. The only way you will see any of my raw IP address range is if you are interacting with my servers directly. I find that unlikely ... unless you are one of my minions?

[QUOTE=retina;527220]I use VPNs so that analysis won't help you. The only way you will see any of my raw IP address range is if you are interacting with my servers directly. I find that unlikely ... unless you are one of my minions?[/QUOTE]
:popcorn:

A vulture boards a plane with two dead raccoons. Stewardess says "Sorry, only one carrion per passenger."

My wife is constantly making sarcastic comments about my receding hairline. It's starting to wear a little thin.

A good lawyer, a bad lawyer, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck each sit in a corner of a room. A 100 dollar bill falls in the middle of the room. Who gets it?
The bad lawyer. Everyone knows the other three are fictional characters.

What does a lawyer call their daughter? Sue.

I heard you are a catholic. So here are some cats: :cat: :newcat: :ross:

[QUOTE=retina;527227]I heard you are a catholic. So here are some cats: :cat: :newcat: :ross:[/QUOTE]


[url]https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cataholic[/url]

(hehe)

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field? It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Viking Rudolf the Red was looking out the window and said, "Well, it's going to rain." His wife asked, "How do you know that?" "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."[sup]*[/sup]

No matter how hard you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

A guy told me that an onion is the only food that makes you cry. So I hit him in the face with a coconut.

There's a veterinarian near me with a sign that reads: Don't Litter. Spay and neuter.

[size=1][sup]*[/sup]Longer alternative:
There once was a police officer named Edward. He patrolled the suburbs, but he was grouchy all the time, and rude to just about everyone. One day, a couple was crossing the street, and they said to him, "Nice day, isn't it?" And Edward barked out, "It's going to rain." "Well that was rude," said the lady, looking up at the clear sky. Not ten minutes later, however, a storm had blown up, and the couple were caught in the downpour. "Wow! That rude man was right!" said the lady. "Well, Rude officer Ed knows rain, dear," said her husband.[/size]

Two workers were staring up into the sky outside City Hall, when a mathematician walked up. Intrigued by the interest they seemed to show, he tried to see what was so fascinating, but could determine nothing of interest. So he inquired, "What are you guys observing?"

"We're trying to figure out how to measure the height of this flag pole."

The mathematician replies, "That's simple!" He then reaches into the workers' tool bag, retrieves a wrench with which he pulls a bolt from the bottom of the pole and lowers the pole to the sidewalk. He then takes a tape measure from the bag and measures the pole. After measuring he lifts the pole back into position, returns the tools and says, "Twelve feet, seven and one-half inches."

One of the workers turns to the other and says, "That's a mathematician for you - ask the height of something and he gives you its length!"