team travel
 

A programmer, a manager, and an engineer carpool to a conference. On a steep downward slope the brakes fail and they have a wild ride to the bottom of the hill. The manager calls a meeting to decide what they should do. The engineer shrugs off his suit coat, looks under the car, and declares he can fix the brakes with a foot of the manager's tie, a coat hanger, and the programmer's hair pin. The programmer says, first, let's go back up the hill and see if the problem is reproducible.

[QUOTE=jasong;499409]That's an amazing coincidence.

Edit:Technically Halloween isn't an official holiday, but still.

Edit2: I've heard December 25th as a holiday has some pagan roots, so maybe that's a way to connect them.[/QUOTE]Dec 25th is the coopted date a few days after the winter solstice when the sharper eyed ancients could tell the sun was not leaving permanently, the world wasn't ending just yet.
Halloween is from All Hallowed Evening, the night before All Saints Day November 1.

Waiter! There's a needle in my soup!
That's just a typo, sir. It should read "noodle".

When attempting to rob a bank always focus on the part of the bank where the money is locked away. Just to be on the safe side.

How do they get the hurricanes to arrive in alphabetical order?

I asked my Scottish friend to get Mini-Me a Wii U for Christmas. Instead he got him a miniature sheep.

Mini-Me was doing his homework and asked me what Armageddon was. He got very upset when I told him I didn't know. I thought to myself, relax Mini-Me, it's not the end of the world, is it?

[QUOTE=retina;526555]I asked my Scottish friend to get Mini-Me a Wii U for Christmas. Instead he got him a miniature sheep.[/QUOTE]

This ... took a while.:yucky:

[QUOTE=retina;526555]I asked my Scottish friend to get Mini-Me a Wii U for Christmas. Instead he got him a miniature sheep.[/QUOTE][QUOTE=axn;526563]This ... took a while.:yucky:[/QUOTE]Where you reading it in French?

How many tickles does it take to make a octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

As part of my sentence for sexual assault, I was made to attend a Rape Victims' Empathy Course. I had no choice and didn't enjoy it.

Did you hear about the hexagon that went out for dinner and had a huge meal? It had six sides.

Relationships are a lot like algebra: You look at your X and think Y?

I'm leaving all my money to a plastic surgery charity. I expect it'll raise a few eyebrows.

One of my minions has been complaining because he can't compress folders on his computer. I told him to zip it.

Why didn't the criminal rob the penny bank? Because it was full of coppers.

There were rumours of drug trafficking in a prison nearby. The administration decided the prisoners would be periodically tested. They hired rival technician teams to administer the urine tests. It was a big pissing con test.

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I gave her some superglue instead. She's still not talking to me.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Anticipation.
Anticipation who?

Frappe Frappe
Qui est là?
Loste
Loste qui?
Oui.

- Have a key?
- Llave. Aquí.

[QUOTE=Batalov;526747]- Have a key?
- Llave. Aquí.[/QUOTE]That works best as a visual gag. Holding it up with one hand and pointing at it with the other hand, while repeating the last line with some insistence.

I'm so old … they discontinued my blood type.

I just met a really down to earth prostitute. She was really laid back.

if there is watermelon, there should also be airmelon, firemelon and earthmelon. The four elemelons.

I went to a small zoo yesterday. There was only one single dog in the entire zoo. It was a Shih Tzu.

The invisible man and the invisible woman got married. Their children are nothing to look at.