A midget fortune teller escaped from prison. The headline read:

[CENTER][SIZE=4]SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

It's late and a kid is searching on the sidewalk for something. A passerby asks what he lost. He tells him he lost his house key and can't go home without it, unless he waits another couple hours for his parents. So, the passerby becomes a searcher with the kid. After several minutes without success, the helper asks, "Are you sure you lost it here?"

The kid replies, "I lost it down that alley, but the light is better over here."

A preposition is something you should never end a sentence up with
 

A father wants to read some bedtime stories to his son. He selects a book of stories about Australia and goes upstairs to his son's room. The son asks, "What did you bring that book about Down Under up for?"

[QUOTE=Dr Sardonicus;498964]A father wants to read some bedtime stories to his son. He selects a book of stories about Australia and goes upstairs to his son's room. The son asks, "What did you bring that book about Down Under up for?"[/QUOTE]And you should never begin a sentence with a conjunction. This sentence no verb.

I actually heard a longer version of that "down under" joke. Hope you don't mind if I add to yours, Dr. Sardonicus.

A young girl had developed a habit of keeping in contact with her uncle, who had moved to Australia, by asking him to read to her over the phone. She would regularly send a book to him for this purpose.

One day her mother says: "What did you choose Sunday to send that book that you like to be read to out of from Down Under off by for?"

A little boy was going to bed. A parent brought a book to read a story. The little boy said, "Why did you bring that old book I don't want to be read to out of up for?"

[QUOTE=Brian-E;498979]I actually heard a longer version of that "down under" joke. Hope you don't mind if I add to yours, Dr. Sardonicus.

A young girl had developed a habit of keeping in contact with her uncle, who had moved to Australia, by asking him to read to her over the phone. She would regularly send a book to him for this purpose.

One day her mother says: "What did you choose Sunday to send that book that you like to be read to out of from Down Under off by for?"[/QUOTE]I like the addition. I just wish I could parse the sentence. If I take out the word "by" I can read it as meaning "Why did you send the book on Sunday?" But I can't make sense of it with the "by" in there.

Here's a mnemonic we were taught in grade school. It's a version of the "preposition song," sung to the tune of "Yankee Doodle."

Around, across, above, about,
to, for, from, by, on, toward,
beneath, before, behind, between,
beyond, against, throughout.
Over, down, among, up,
with, of, except, upon,
till, at, beside, under,
without, along, near, in!

[QUOTE=Dr Sardonicus;499106]I like the addition. I just wish I could parse the sentence. [...][/QUOTE]
I think the word "by" is included there to mean "by your uncle". But I agree it isn't the most beautiful of sentence constructions. :smile:

Old programmer's [url=#oldprogrammerjoke]joke[/url] appropriate for today's date:

Q: Why can’t programmers tell the difference between Halloween and Christmas?

A: Because oct 31 = dec 25.

Car driver and an auto mechanic look under the hood of a car
 

Driver: I think it's my fuel pump.
Mechanic: Your what?
Driver: What I mean is I think it's my f:censored:g fuel pump.
Mechanic: Well, why didn't you just f:censored:g say so?
Driver: Sorry . . . I forgot where I was.

[QUOTE=retina;499197]Driver: I think it's my fuel pump.
Mechanic: Your what?
Driver: What I mean is I think it's my f:censored:g fuel pump.
Mechanic: Well, why didn't you just f:censored:g say so?
Driver: Sorry . . . I forgot where I was.[/QUOTE]

Shouldn't that be
[quote]Driver: Sorry . . . I f:censored:g forgot where I was.[/QUOTE]