A bunch of guys are on a Mystery Destination Bus Tour
in Europe. Someone suggests they have a pool to try to
guess where they're going. The driver won 75 Euro.

A guy stumbles through the side door of a tavern and slides up onto a bar stool. When the bartender comes over, he orders a Guinness. The bartender looks him over and tells him he's too drunk, and that he can't serve him. So, the guy slides off the stool and stumbles back out through the side door.

A couple minutes later the same guy stumbles in through the front door and slides up on a stool. The bartender comes over and tells him again that he can't serve him. So, as before, the guy stumbles back out the way he came in.

Some time passes and the same guy comes in through the back door, near the kitchen. Again he slides up on a stool and the bartender comes over and tells him that he still can't serve him, as he has explained twice already.

This time the guy takes a really close look at the bartender and after an extended pause asks, "How many bars do you work in?"

What happened when the butcher backed into the meat grinder?
[SPOILER]He got a little behind in his work.[/SPOILER]

You're sitting in a boat with nothing but two cigarettes. You'd really like to smoke one, but have no fire producing equipment. What to do... what to do?
[spoiler]Throw one cigarette overboard, making the boat a cigarette lighter![/spoiler]

[QUOTE=EdH;498261]You're sitting in a boat with nothing but two cigarettes. You'd really like to smoke one, but have no fire producing equipment. What to do... what to do?
[spoiler]Throw one cigarette overboard, making the boat a cigarette lighter![/spoiler][/QUOTE]
Arrrgh!

[QUOTE=EdH;498261]You're sitting in a boat with nothing but two cigarettes. You'd really like to smoke one, but have no fire producing equipment. What to do... what to do?
[spoiler]Throw one cigarette overboard, making the boat a cigarette lighter![/spoiler][/QUOTE]
:tu: Genius, haha. You got me here, I was already thinking how could you produce fire having only two cigarettes... rub them one another, or what?... :rofl:

The tachyon leaves.
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."
A tachyon walks into a bar.

A photon goes into a bar but decides not to spend any time there.

[QUOTE=xilman;498304]A photon goes into a bar but decides not to spend any time there.[/QUOTE]Of course not. You don't go to a bar for light refreshment.

You find yourself inside a hollow sphere with no apparent openings. With you are a mirror and a table. How can you get out?
[spoiler]You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and cut the table in half. Two halves make a whole. Climb out through the (w)hole.**[/spoiler]

[SIZE=2]**A little better spoken rather than read...[/SIZE]

[QUOTE=EdH;498321]You find yourself inside a hollow sphere with no apparent openings. With you are a mirror and a table. How can you get out?[/QUOTE][spoiler]Smash the mirror on the table and carefully use one of the glass shards to draw a drop of blood from one of your fingers. Since you have led such an unselfish and friendly existence for your entire life your blood will be pure and saintly. Use the drop of blood to bless the sphere and turn it into a holy sphere. Exit through any of the holes you have just created.[/spoiler]