My uncle knew exactly how and when he would die.



The Judge told him.

You will soon leave this world the same way you entered it: screaming in the backseat of a blood-soaked taxi.

Physics exam at the university
 

Physics exam at the university.

The first student comes in. The professor asks: "You are sitting in a train which is going at 80 km/h. It is quite warm inside the compartment. What are you doing now?"

Student: "Well, I'll open the window."

Professor: "Well, then calculate the new aerodynamic drag. Does the friction between the wheels and the lane change? Will the velocity of the train decrease, and how much?"

The student doesn't know the answer and fails the exam.

The next students get the same question, and they all fail.

Then the last student comes in.

Professor: "You are sitting in a train which is going at 80 km/h. It is quite warm inside the compartment. What are you doing now?"

Student. "I take off my jackett."

Professor: "It is still too hot."

Student: "Then I also take off my jumper."

Professor: "But it is still too hot - like in a sauna"

Student: "Then I take off all my cloths."

Professor: "But there are two gays in the compartment which want *ummm* something from you".

Student: "[spoiler]Do you now what? It is the 10th time I come to the exam. The whole train could be full with gays - THIS DAMN WINDOW STAYS CLOSED!!![/spoiler]"

[quote=Andi47;126152]Physics exam at the university.

.......

Student: "Then I take off all my cloths."

Professor: "But there are two gays in the compartment which want *ummm* something from you".

Student: "[spoiler]Do you now what? It is the 10th time I come to the exam. The whole train could be full with gays - THIS DAMN WINDOW STAYS CLOSED!!![/spoiler]"[/quote]

At this point the professor's colleague intervened and started asking the student some questions about friction and aerodynamics. Whether this student then passed the exam is not recorded, but it was the professor who benefitted the most because his colleague recommended some valuable refresher courses for him. As well as "How to ask relevant questions when examining students" there were some others to further his personal development including: "How to refer to sex as what it is and without embarrasment", "What is homosexuality and how are gay people integrated within society?", and "How to recognise and acknowledge my own repressed (homo)sexuality".

You will remind many of Abraham Lincoln, with your oratory gifts, dedication to equality, and habit of getting shot in the head at theaters.

Everybody always speaks admiringly of what a survivor you are, but Thursday's events will make liars of them all.

Your admirable decision to lead a life of honesty and moral rectitude will bring your career in advertising to a sudden and drastic end.

Emergency phone call:

Man: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
Doctor: "Is this her first child?"
Man: "No, this is her husband!"

Holy Maths Teachers!
 

Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said,

"The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."

The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter,

"What on earth does Jesus mean - 'the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?'"

Peter said,

"Don't worry, guys. It's just another one of his parabolas."

Can't help it.

Alex

[QUOTE=akruppa;144202]Can't help it.

Alex[/QUOTE]That's the problem with political jokes --- they get elected.

[spoiler]I'm a firm believer that the old ones are the best[/spoiler]

Paul