I always like to reply to these with...

And Balaam's Ass spoke

But don't take it personal, its more directed at Bush.

Fusion

Arrest!
 

[QUOTE=jasong;86162]NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession
of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or
profound statement by the president.[/QUOTE]
:lol:
Hey Jasong that was a real good one for me early in the morning, coming from you. I appreciate the wit, wisdom and irony in it.
Reminds me when we could not recall the corollary of the theorem on the isosceles triangle our master would tell us its the 'Pons Asinorum' literally meaning ' The bridge, off which the Asses fall over!' Not to forget that we asses were given the ' strap' for it, which was leather covered bamboo sticks with a coin in the end, a well known punishment, the Christian Bros were famous for in those days.
Give us some more as I'm e-mailing this to my math friends.
Thank you,
Mally :coffee:

Oh! for the English lanquage!
 

:smile:
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other
for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation
regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finance, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old
gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical
relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, a little sheepishly and rather
trustingly.

"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say, I would like
it infrequently."

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then, looking over his glasses,
he casually asked, "Is that one word or two?" :lol:
Mally :coffee: __________________________________________________

Name dropping
 

:smile:
Well a month has passed and no 'entry'. Are we in Men ho pause?

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children. . . "You all have obsessions, " he
observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
you've even named your daughter Candy. " He turned to the second Mom.
"Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your
child's name, Penny. " He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is
alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy. " At
this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand
and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving. " :grin:

Mally :coffee:
------------------------------------------------

I have translated / adapted this joke but hopefully it is still funny in English :smile:

Two cows at slaughterhouse:
- Hi my name is Bessy.
- Hello, I'm Daisy.
- Is it your first time here Daisy?
- No, I've been here before, stupid...

Breaking news from Apple.
 

:wink: Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that store music in women's breast implants. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them...
Mally :coffee:

The English language.
 

:smile:

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, But here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.

A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert, can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.

He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Wipe that smile off your face.

Mally :coffee:

A bit risque...

How do you teach mathematics to a blonde?

Add a bed,
Subtract her clothes,
Divide her legs,
Apply the square root,
give her the solution,
and pray that she does not multiply:lol:

Patrick

In the beginning was the plan, and then the specification;
And the plan was without form, and the specification was void;
And the darkness was upon the faces of the implementers;
And they spake unto their manager saying:
"it is a crock of unmentionable, and it stinketh";
And the manager went to the 2nd level manager,
And he spake unto him saying:
"it is a vessel of fertilizer, and it stinketh";
And the 2nd level went to the 3rd level,
And he spake unto him saying:
"it is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength";
And the 3rd level went to the division manager,
And he spake unto him saying:
"it aids plant growth, and none may abide its strength";
And the division manager went to the assistant vice president,
And he spake unto him saying:
"it contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong";
And the assistant vice-president went to the vice president,
And he spake unto him saying:
"it promoteth growth, and it is very powerful";
And the vice president went before the president,
And he spake unto him saying:
"this powerful new product will promote the growth of the company";
And the president looked upon the product,
And he saw that it was good.

How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six.

How so?

One to calculate the parabola, one to calculate the square root, one to write the theorem, one to develop the proof, one to critique the proof and show it is flawed, and one to call the maintenance man because mathematicians don't change light bulbs.

Fusion:wink:

[QUOTE=Fusion_power;89985]In the beginning was the plan, and then the specification;
<snip>
And he saw that it was good.[/QUOTE]

ROTFLMAO :lol: