[QUOTE=Uncwilly]What about [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napier's_bones"]Napier's Bones[/URL]?[/QUOTE]

"Guys, I'm going nuts. I know what the device is that people used to use logartithms to multiply and divide and get square roots with(before calculators), but I can't for the life of me remember it's name. I want to say "slipstick," but a Google search just got me garbage links."


:smile:
Not exactly Uncwilly. It does not make use of logarithmic lengths as a slide rule does.
Mally :coffee:

A bit Risque:

A mathematician went to bed with a problem. He woke up the next morning with a square root and the solution on his chest.

Patrick

Old Hat!
 

:smile:
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship

holding her hat tight

so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,

"Pardon me, madam.

I do not intend to be forward

but did you know that your dress

is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady.

"I need both my hands

to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are

not wearing any panties

and your privates are exposed!"

said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down,

then back up at the man

and replied,

"Sir, anything you see down there

is 85 years old.

I just bought this hat yesterday!" :lol:

Mally :coffee:

Here's an oldie that made me laugh when I was about 8 years old:

A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch".

After dining hours
 

:smile:
My son and wife celebrated his birthday at a Chinese restaurant in SOHO a few days ago. He ordered a soup called WONTON.

Reminds me when I was In Hong Kong I did the same years ago.

I ordered WONTON soup and an attractive Chinese hostess in a high slit CheongSam dress served me the soup.

I was on my own so I asked her for a date after my dinner.

She told me to read the soup backwards and I got the answer straight away.:lol:
Mally :coffee:

Facelift
 

:smile:
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends
$5,000
and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at
a
news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk,
"I
hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl
the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store
on
her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints
and
asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say
30."

Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next
to
her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I
was
young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very
forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then,
and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best
of
her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around
very
slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently
pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them
against
each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am
I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says,
"Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
tell?'

The old man says, "promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

Tale of a fly!
 

:smile:
I slightly changed this old joke to suit my post in 'High powered Lasers' which I promised to do so after I finished it.

Well King Arthur decided to spend a night with his beautiful wife Genevieve in a secure castle and separate her from her equally beautiful sister Gabriel (Angels have no sex).
So he left Gabriel in the care of an old abbot at Glastonbury castle.
His knights of the round table, including Sir Lancelot, got wind of this plan and decided to storm the castle when the old abbot falls asleep which after laborious prayers he fell into.
They found Gabriel combing her golden stresses which stretched down to her butt and she was a marvellous sight. Near her upholstered 4 pillar bed was a huge ebony table.
Sir Lancelot used utmost charm to make this frustrated woman agree to his plan of allowing him and his friends to take her to the heights of ecstasy, one
by one.
Gabriel objected furiously fuming that they were treating her like a common whore and insisted that only one could be the lucky one and have the privilege and only one.
So the question was who would be the lucky one ?
The brilliant Lancelot conceived the idea to make them all sit around the table with their whatnots bare. He then caught a buzzing fly and put it on the center of the table and announced that on whomever's dick the fly settles will be the man of honour to favour Gabriel.
After a while they heard the drawbridge being opened and King Arthur decided to take them by surprise .
With brandished sword he broke in on them and asked them what they were up-to. He found his most trusted knight, Lancelot standing in the corner.
The knights confessed to the King.
King Arthur was a seasoned veteran of many a conquest and was overjoyed that his beautiful, but terribly frustrated, sis- in- law was given this golden opportunity where none of his subjects would be any the wiser.
What intrigued him was why was Lancelot standing in the corner.
The third in command told the King that Lancelot was expelled as he cheated.
"Why so"? asked the king in astonishment as he secretly favoured Lancelot.
Well, Your Lordship, he put honey on his :lol:
Mally :coffee:

It is white, small & cubical?

[spoiler]A ping pong cubicle[/spoiler] :geek: :geek: :surrender

Member devaraj fwd'ded this joke to me. It won a competition as the best joke of the year and the entrant was an Indian in this international meet.
Hope you enjoy it
:smile:
Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven
Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to
him, and
asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and
says, "You
Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here." The
astonished
Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl
Harbor,
it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the
same,"
replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and
says,
"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked,
Spielberg
replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese
replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Mally :coffee:

Sons of Adam
 

:smile:
ASFAIK: Adam the first man had three sons mentioned in Genesis. May be many more not named.
But of the two prominent ones mentioned at first, were Cain and Abel.
I heard just today that Cain was useless!
"Why"? I asked. The answer
"Cain wasn't Abel" :lol:
Mally :coffee:

Man arrested for weapons of math instruction
 

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession
of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not
identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of
math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said."They desire
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or
profound statement by the president.