[QUOTE=only_human;421430]A: I stopped beating my wife last spring when her chess ranking made a sudden leap.[/QUOTE]Q: Your wife is beating you?

A: When you phrase the question like that, NO WAY!

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;421432]A: When you phrase the question like that, NO WAY![/QUOTE]
Q: Way?

A: A broach or a pterodactyl.

[QUOTE=only_human;421439]Q: Way?

A: A broach or a pterodactyl.[/QUOTE]

Q: What are two gifts I would never want to give my girlfriend who
wears only earrings?

A: Oh no not really !!

[QUOTE=davar55;421482]A: Oh no not really !![/QUOTE]
Q: With that question for only_human's prior answer, can we assume that your girlfriend never wears clothes?

A: You've just confused me.

[QUOTE=Brian-E;421506]A: You've just confused me.[/QUOTE]
Q: Would you like a Cavendish or a plantain?

A: The answer has been conclusively shown to be "Erwin Romel".

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;421513]
A: The answer has been conclusively shown to be "Erwin Romel".[/QUOTE]

Q. What's the most common misspelling of "Erwin Rommel"?

A. The world may never know.

[QUOTE=Dubslow;421523]A. The world may never know.[/QUOTE]
Q: What would the world be like if it were a nicer place?

A: "Have a nice day."

[QUOTE=only_human;421547]
A: "Have a nice day."[/QUOTE]

Q. What's a good way to further annoy people who are already having a bad day?


A. Of course, but I rather think that the alternative is much cleaner.

[QUOTE=Dubslow;421548]A. Of course, but I rather think that the alternative is much cleaner.[/QUOTE]
Q: Everyone else is just helping themselves with their fingers, so shall we do the same and save on the washing up?

A: No way. I tried that once, and a week in hospital plus this permanent scar was the result.

[QUOTE=Brian-E;421550]Q: Everyone else is just helping themselves with their fingers, so shall we do the same and save on the washing up?

A: No way. I tried that once, and a week in hospital plus this permanent scar was the result.[/QUOTE]

Q: Are you still free-basing?

A: RIP Richard Prior.

[QUOTE=kladner;421553]
A: RIP Richard Prior.[/QUOTE]
Q: Should we have the right to exhume comedians who have been dead for at least 10 years, stick them full of animatronics and put them to work entertaining cruise ships or should we just leave them alone?

A: That's not my dog.