WTF does the man of steel shave?
 

apparently it's a question that some part of Internet is asking...
here is Bill Nye answer
[youtube]J-u1680Anhw[/youtube]

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex By Larry Niven*
 

[COLOR=#FF0000]http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html[/COLOR]
[SIZE=-1]Things of the form (*[I]text[/I]*) are footnotes in the original text.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+2][SIZE=3][EXCERPT][/SIZE]
[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+2]"H[/SIZE]e's faster than a speeding bullet. He's more powerful than a locomotive. He's able to leap tall buildings at a single bound. Why can't he get a girl?
At the ripe old age of thirty-one (*[I]Superman first appeared in Action Comics, June 1938[/I]*), Kal-El (alias Superman, alias Clark Kent) is still unmarried. Almost certainly he is still a virgin. This is a serious matter. The species itself is in danger!
An unwed Superman is a mobile Superman. Thus it has been alleged that those who chronicle the Man of Steel's adventures are responsible for his condition. But the cartoonists are not to blame.
Nor is Superman handicapped by psychological problems.
Granted that the poor oaf is not entirely sane. How could he be? He is an orphan, a refugee, and an alien. His homeland no longer exists in any form, save for gigatons upon gigatons of dangerous, prettily colored rocks.
As a child and young adult, Kal-El must have been hard put to find an adequate father-figure. What human could control his antisocial behavior? What human would dare try to punish him? His actual, highly social behavior during this period indicates an inhuman self-restraint.
What wonder if Superman drifted gradually into schizophrenia? Torn between his human and kryptonian identities, he chose to be both, keeping his split personalities rigidly separate. A psychotic desperation is evident in his defense of his "secret identity."
But Superman's sex problems are strictly physiological, and quite real.
The purpose of this article is to point out some medical drawbacks to being a kryptonian among human beings, and to suggest possible solutions. The kryptonian humanoid must not be allowed to go the way of the pterodactyl and the passenger pigeon."

[QUOTE=firejuggler;342242]apparently it's a question that some part of Internet is asking...[/QUOTE]
It is an ad campaign. Gill*tte and the movie company are in on it.

Similar questions can be asked of almost all of Superman's "personal care". Perhaps he flies out t a nearby red sun to take care of his bidniss. Or maybe he can use highly focused heatVision[sup]tm[/sup] to shave and depilate himself. (Haircutting might be a tad tricky here.)

Q: Did Kryptonians use "Kryptocurrency" as their medium of exchange?

[QUOTE=ewmayer;342260]Similar questions can be asked of almost all of Superman's "personal care".[/QUOTE]

I can't remember who wrote it or where I read it (it was thirty or so years ago), but there was a very funny story talking about SM's earlier years, and what might have happened when he discovered auto-gratification... I believe bullet-like holes were mentioned.... :wink:

I searched for a translation of the short story that I've read many many years ago, and found a fairly decent one:
[URL]http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/15r.pdf[/URL]

Because some don't like blind links, here's a preview:
[QUOTE]
CRABS ON THE ISLAND
by Anatoly DNEPROV
From SciFi compilation “THE MOLECULAR CAFE”

...I was astounded by the sight.

"But these awful things are creating others in their own image!" I
exclaimed.

"Quite so. The whole purpose of this machine is to create machines in
its own image," said Cockling.

"But is that possible?" I asked, in utter perplexity.

"Why not? Any machine tool, a lathe, for example, makes parts for
lathes like itself. So I conceived the notion of making an automatic
machine that would manufacture copies of itself from start to finish. My
crab is the model of such a machine."

I thought over the engineer's words, trying to grasp their import. Just
then the first crab's mouth opened and a wide ribbon of metal issued
from it, covering the entire mechanism on the platform and thus forming
the back of the third automaton. When the back was properly in place,
the nimble front legs welded on metal ends with openings at front and
back, and the new crab was ready. As with its brothers, one could see
the gleam of a metal mirror with a red crystal in the depression on its
back.

The crab manufacturer pulled the platform in under its belly and its
"baby" got down on to the sand. I noted how the mirror on its back
began slowly to turn toward the sun. After a while, the crab crawled to
the water's edge and had a drink. Then it crawled into the sunshine and
stood motionless, warming itself. I thought I was dreaming.
As I watched the new-born creature, I heard Cockling say: "And
here's the fourth."
[/QUOTE]There was another one (much longer) with the premise of mutant humans with carbon atoms slowly replaced by silicon atoms (take that, "arsenic life" ;-). Afair, it was pretty good.

[QUOTE=chalsall;342270]I can't remember who wrote it or where I read it (it was thirty or so years ago), but there was a very funny story talking about SM's earlier years, and what might have happened when he discovered auto-gratification... I believe bullet-like holes were mentioned.... :wink:[/QUOTE]

Well, I didn't want to go there - so thanks :) - but yes, perhaps he remained a virgin for so long because sex with an earth girl (or "earth person" - let's not oppress anyone's choices here) could be a problem. To quote an old college buddy who went without for some nearly-legendary time interval and then finally, mercifully found some young lady who helped him end his epic drought: "blew 'er across the room, dude."

[Practically speaking, perhaps he could snip a piece of his cape and use that as a "safe", to use the old-fashioned term for it.]

[QUOTE=chalsall;342270]I can't remember who wrote it or where I read it (it was thirty or so years ago), but there was a very funny story talking about SM's earlier years, and what might have happened when he discovered auto-gratification... I believe bullet-like holes were mentioned.... :wink:[/QUOTE]


Refer to the entire essay linked above.

[QUOTE] [SIZE=+2]C[/SIZE]onsider the driving urge between a man and a woman, the monomaniacal urge to achieve greater and greater penetration. Remember also that we are dealing with kryptonian muscles.
Superman would literally crush LL's body in his arms, while simultaneously ripping her open from crotch to sternum, gutting her like a trout.

[B]IV[/B]

[SIZE=+2]L[/SIZE]astly, he'd blow off the top of her head.
Ejaculation of semen is entirely involuntary in the human male, and in all other forms of terrestrial life. It would be unreasonable to assume otherwise for a kryptonian. But with kryptonian muscles behind it, Kal-El's semen would emerge with the muzzle velocity of a machine gun bullet. [B](*[I]One can imagine that the Kent home in Smallville was riddled with holes during Superboy's puberty. And why did Lana Lang never notice that?[/I]*) [/B]
In view of the foregoing, normal sex is impossible between LL and Superman.
Artificial insemination may give us better results.
[/QUOTE]
Emphasis mine.

[QUOTE=ewmayer;342276][Practically speaking, perhaps he could snip a piece of his cape and use that as a "safe", to use the old-fashioned term for it.][/QUOTE]

The practical physics applied to that fantasy scenario would suggest he'd have to hold on to the "safe" when he reached the "money shot".

But then, even we non-Super Hero users are advised to.... :wink:

[QUOTE=kladner;342279]Emphasis mine.[/QUOTE]

Thanks klander.

However, there was no link as far as I could see. Perhaps I missed it.

It's there, but only as text for some reason. Let's see if it works this time:

[URL]http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html[/URL]

It seems that it has, at least in the preview. I filtered it through Notepad.