Twinkie Hot...^H^H^H Hostess (NSFW)
 

[QUOTE=ewmayer;318650][B]How the Twinkie crumbles:[/B]

[Being made of space-age indestructible polymer-based materials, it's unlikely they crumble at all, but poetic license and all that]

ZeroHedge has some interesting notes about the just-announced (after the bakery workers union rejected a proposed "austerity contract"~-- several $billions in unfunded pension liabilities apparently proved an insurmountable hurdle) [URL="http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2012-11-16/hostess-liquidation-curious-cast-characters-twinkie-tumbles"]liquidation bankruptcy of Hostess Brands[/URL].

My personal opinion is that Hostess Brands is the kind of CrapFood-spewing company the world can [URL="http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-11-15/diabetes-rates-soar-as-18-states-see-diagnosed-cases-double.html"]eminently do without[/URL]. (The diabetes stats in that latter article are jaw-dropping).
[/QUOTE]
Never having been exposed to this toxic fluff, I only have a cultural reference from the [URL="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113677/quotes"]Living in Oblivion (1995)[/URL] ;-)
[QUOTE][B][COLOR=#0066cc]Chad ([COLOR=#000000]James LeGros[/COLOR])[/COLOR][/B]: What did you call me?
[B][COLOR=#0066cc]Nick ([COLOR=#000000]Steve Buscemi[/COLOR])[/COLOR][/B]: You heard me. I called you a "Hostess Twinkie motherf---er," motherf---er!
[/QUOTE]

Apparently "Twinkie" is also an inter-Asian-american slang insult (analogous to "Oreo" amongst African-americans) intended for someone perceived as trying too hard to assimilate into "white culture". As in, yellow on the outside, white on the inside.

(I find the above metaphors a bit bizarre in that "on the inside" is in the opposite direction of skin color being skin deep, but apparently in this family of metaphors, "inside" is also meant metaphorically).

----------------------------

Getting back to the now-endangered snack, perhaps the most bizarre form of American junk food I know is the [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twinkie#Deep-fried_Twinkie]deep fried twinkie[/url].

As the Wikipedia page notes, Twinkie fans may soon be mass-migrating to Canada:
[quote]Twinkies are still produced in Canada by Saputo Incorporated's Vachon Inc. (at a bakery in Montreal) which owns the Canadian rights for the product from Hostess and is not affected by the actions in the United States.[9][/quote]

[QUOTE=ewmayer;319002]
Getting back to the now-endangered snack, perhaps the most bizarre form of American junk food I know is the [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twinkie#Deep-fried_Twinkie]deep fried twinkie[/url].
[/QUOTE]

What, you've never heard of deep fried beer?

Twinky, or twink also means a young, cute guy in gay parlance.

[QUOTE=Dubslow;319011]What, you've never heard of deep fried beer?[/QUOTE]
Not without the word "with" in between the 'fried' and the 'beer'. Call me closed-minded...

[QUOTE=kladner;319022]Twinky, or twink also means a young, cute guy in gay parlance.[/QUOTE]
I really, really hope that is not an evocation of the manufacturing process for Twinkies.

[QUOTE=ewmayer;319075]
I really, really hope that is not an evocation of the manufacturing process for Twinkies.[/QUOTE]

No. :razz: The young person in question IS the confection.

[QUOTE=kladner;319078]No. :razz: The young person in question IS the confection.[/QUOTE]

This calls for a mildly ribald limerick:

A luscious young Twink made connection
With a fellow desiring confection.
The fellow brought friends
Which led in the end
To a triple cream-filling injection.

Excellent limerick! :bow: :rofl::devil:

I believe that the limerick is a greatly under-rated form. I even know one in three stanzas, but unfortunately, it is not suitable for a general-access forum. (This limerick was alluded to in one passage in Heinlein's "Glory Road".)

EDIT: However, as consolation, I offer the following two verse specimen:

[QUOTE]There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his dough in a bucket
His daughter named Nan
She ran off with a man
And as for the bucket, Nan tucket

So he followed the three to Pawtucket
The man and the girl and the bucket
He said to the man
You are welcome to Nan
But as for the bucket, Paw tucket[/QUOTE]

I posted this link a month or two ago, but I think I'll repost it. Many of them are particular favorites.

[url]http://www.physics.harvard.edu/academics/undergrad/limericks.html[/url]
[quote]Always check your units!

Your units are wrong! cried the teacher.
Your church weighs six joules — what a feature!
And the people inside
Are four hours wide,
And eight gauss away from the preacher![/quote]

And I must say about the limerick above: what a fine specimen of... I don't even know. Wow. You wrote it yourself? I think it deserves to be shared :razz:

Edit: A few more favorites from the link:
[quote]Induction is a wonderful tool, but it shouldn't be abused...

"To three, five, and seven, assign
A name," the prof said, "we'll define."
But he botched the instruction
With woeful induction,
And told us the next prime was nine.
_____________________________________________

What really happened on that hill...

In Boston, lived Jack, as did Jill,
Who gained mgh on a hill.
In their liquid pursuit,
Jill exclaimed with a hoot,
" I think we've just climbed a landfill!"

While noting, "Oh, this is just grand,"
Jack tripped on some trash in the sand.
He changed his potential
To kinetic, torrential,
But not before grabbing Jill's hand.[/quote]

[QUOTE=kladner;319092]Excellent limerick! :bow: :rofl::devil:

I believe that the limerick is a greatly under-rated form. I even know one in three stanzas, but unfortunately, it is not suitable for a general-access forum. (This limerick was alluded to in one passage in Heinlein's "Glory Road".)

EDIT: However, as consolation, I offer the following two verse specimen:[/QUOTE][i]The Good Ship Venus[/i] is (almost?) entirely in limerick form and has many more than three stanzas.

Like your example it is not suitable for posting here. On the other hand:

...
And sags in the middle like a one-stringed fiddle,
Then he can tell you a tale or two.

So pull up a chair and buy me a drink,
And a tale to you I'll tell.
Of Dead-Eye Dick and Mexico Pete
And a whore named Eskimo Nell.
...


I've got that one on a deck of 80-column punched cards somewhere in the attic. Sadly, most of [i]The Ballad of Eskimo Nell[/i] is also unsuited to this audience.

[QUOTE=kladner;319092]...[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=xilman;319106]...[/QUOTE]

Perhaps we should have an NSFW forum :razz:

Apropos?

[QUOTE=ewmayer;319075]Not without the word "with" in between the 'fried' and the 'beer'. Call me closed-minded...[/QUOTE]Ok, since you asked nicely: you're closed-minded.

You've never had fish deep-fried in beer-batter before? It's a common item on the menu in pubs over here. I've also eaten it in Boston ([i]i.e.[/i] Mass, not Lincs) where it is also widespread.

[QUOTE=xilman;319151]
You've never had fish deep-fried in beer-batter before? It's a common item on the menu in pubs over here. I've also eaten it in Boston ([i]i.e.[/i] Mass, not Lincs) where it is also widespread.[/QUOTE]
Oh no, I meant the beer itself is deep fried. I have no idea how, but some Americans somewhere have figured it out. :smile:

(Using beer-batter as a frying medium isn't uncommon here either.)

[url]http://www.slashfood.com/2010/08/26/fried-beer-comes-to-the-texas-state-fair/[/url]

[QUOTE=Dubslow;319156]Oh no, I meant the beer itself is deep fried. I have no idea how, but some Americans somewhere have figured it out. :smile:
[/QUOTE]Perhaps not dissimilar to [URL]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fried_Coke[/URL]

- - -

Added:

Here we go:

[URL]http://www.zenkimchi.com/FoodJournal/recipes/food-for-foreigners/deep-fried-beer/[/URL]

(not only the recipe, but also [I]photos of the preparation steps![/I])

[QUOTE=Dubslow;319101]And I must say about the limerick above: what a fine specimen of... I don't even know. Wow. You wrote it yourself? I think it deserves to be shared :razz:[/QUOTE]

If you mean the Twink-erick, thank you, the blame is entirely mine. And I did share it, didn't it?

@Paul: I did not mean the action of beer-based battery (preferably accompanied by "a salt" something), which I fully support. I meant replacing that-which-is-to-be-battered-and-fried with frozen beer or some degradation of this fine beverage.

-------------------------------

And while we're on the subject of deep-frying: In case you're planning to deep-fry a turkey this Thanksgiving, here is a story of how *not* to go about it:

[url]http://www.zerohedge.com/contributed/2012-11-21/fire[/url]

-------------------------------

p.p.s.: The Mexican word for turkey is interesting: "Oaxalote", which is spelled and pronounced like a conflation of the Mexican state of Oaxaca (roughly, "wa-hha-ka", with a phlegmy h-sound) and "coyote". Perhaps the coyotes in Oaxaca are feathered.

[QUOTE=ewmayer;319235]
And while we're on the subject of deep-frying: In case you're planning to deep-fry a turkey this Thanksgiving, here is a story of how *not* to go about it:

[URL]http://www.zerohedge.com/contributed/2012-11-21/fire[/URL]

[/quote]I suppose most U.S. viewers have seen Allstate Insurance's TV ad mentioning how many houses burned last year because of deep-frying-turkey mistakes.

[quote]Perhaps the coyotes in Oaxaca are feathered.[/QUOTE]The serpents used to be.

[QUOTE=cheesehead;319425]I suppose most U.S. viewers have seen Allstate Insurance's TV ad mentioning how many houses burned last year because of deep-frying-turkey mistakes.[/QUOTE]
I would love to see them make a "this is what happens when a frozen turkey meets boiling oil" ad featuring their hilarious Mayhem character.

Perhaps someone who has deep-fried a turkey can explain something to me: Why not put the (frozen or thawed, since it won't matter in this case) into the oil *before* you heat it? That makes it easier to get the amount of oil right, and prevents thermal shocks. Does the turkey brown better if cold turkey meets hot oil?

No dangerous experiments with boiling oil poured from the ramparts at my castle this year ... Due to familial scheduling conflicts we are having our family dinner at my place this afternoon, one day late. That was actually nice, as it gave me time to cook the 22lb bird via overnight slow-roasting in the oven, roughly following [url=http://nourishedkitchen.com/slow-roast-turkey/]this recipe[/url]. Haven't tasted it yet, but the whole house smells great.

[quote]The serpents used to be.[/QUOTE]

Good point - see, it's all starting to make nomenclatural sense now. A Oaxacan trickster coyote disguised as a feathered wild turkey ==> Oaxalote. Tiene razon, amigos.

[QUOTE=ewmayer;319443]I would love to see them make a "this is what happens when a frozen turkey meets boiling oil" ad featuring their hilarious Mayhem character.[/QUOTE][URL]http://eater.com/archives/2012/11/21/watch-eight-explosive-fried-turkey-disaster-videos.php[/URL]

[URL]http://gawker.com/5698696/the-7-best-deep+fried-turkey-disaster-videos[/URL]

[quote]Perhaps someone who has deep-fried a turkey can explain something to me: Why not put the (frozen or thawed, since it won't matter in this case)[/quote]Yes, it will matter -- what counts is whether internal bacteria get enough time in their fastest-reproducing temperature zone to grow to quantities that will make the consumers sick.

Deep-frying a turkey (just as oven-roasting a turkey) requires that the bird be completely thawed before cooking, for eating-safety results.

[quote]into the oil *before* you heat it? That makes it easier to get the amount of oil right, and prevents thermal shocks.[/quote]But this, too, would allow too much time for internal bacteria to reproduce to allow for safe eating.

Deep-frying requires _both_ that the bird be completely thawed _and_ that the oil be heated to cooking temperature before the bird is immersed, in order for it to be safe to eat.

[quote]Does the turkey brown better if cold turkey meets hot oil?[/quote]Appearance is not the governing consideration.

[QUOTE=ewmayer;319443]Why not put the (frozen or thawed, since it won't matter in this case) into the oil *before* you heat it?[/QUOTE]
That would result in a very oil-soaked turkey. Deep fat frying relies on escaping steam to prevent the oil from soaking the food. However, you can put the turkey in at a lower oil temperature, say 250 F, to lessen splattering then bring the oil temp up to 325 F.

When adding food to hot oil, the food should be dry on the surface to prevent excessive splattering. A frozen turkey has lots of frozen water on the surface, which quickly turns into lots of liquid water once in the oil and results in lots of splattering oil everywhere. Not good around a burner.

However, it [I]is[/I] safe to bake a turkey from frozen; you just need to add a bit of extra time. It's annoying, though, since about an hour into it you must carefully remove the neck and giblets using tongs.

BTW, here's a good beer-battered fish and chips recipe:

[CENTER][YOUTUBE]2n9lOkli_gw[/YOUTUBE][/CENTER]