Wish granted. Mr. Buffett's generosity becomes the #1 headline on the local news, and you immediately become the target of con artists and other jealous criminals.

I wish I could go back to being a teenager for three days, all while keeping my current knowledge and maturity.

[QUOTE=ixfd64;319918]Wish granted. Mr. Buffett's generosity becomes the #1 headline on the local news, and you immediately become the target of con artists and other jealous criminals.

I wish I could go back to being a teenager for three days, all while keeping my current knowledge and maturity.[/QUOTE]
Wish granted, you are now a blind, arthritic cat.

I wish my mom and grandma wouldn't fight so much.

(You have my permission to do your worst :) )

[QUOTE=jasong;319950]Wish granted, you are now a blind, arthritic cat.

I wish my mom and grandma wouldn't fight so much.

(You have my permission to do your worst :) )[/QUOTE]

Wish granted, they both made a team and went against you. And it drove you clinically insane.

I wish for a healthy, normal, non-insane, immortal, friendly, tame, and come when it's called-cat.

[QUOTE=kracker;319955]I wish for a healthy, normal, non-insane, immortal, friendly, tame, and come when it's called-cat.[/QUOTE]Wish granted! You are given a pair of normal, fertile, and (one) pregnant; healthy, normal, non-insane, immortal, friendly, tame, and obedient lions. The ~$[URL="http://lion_roar.tripod.com/pets.html"]100,000[/URL] it cost to build a habitat and ~$18,000 it costs per year (and then there is the cost to feed the endless supply of kittens, which you are forbidden by law to sell or give away) send you in bankruptcy. Since it is illegal to sell the cats, all of your other assets are sold to pay your creditors. You wind up living in your car with the cats. :cat:

I wish that all of the first 20,000 100M digit Mersenne numbers that had no known factor as of today, were fully factored to 83 bits and had a good amount of P-1 done on them, by next Wednesday.
:busy:

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;319998]I wish that all of the first 20,000 100M digit Mersenne numbers that had no known factor as of today, were fully factored to 83 bits and had a good amount of P-1 done on them, by next Wednesday.[/QUOTE]
<crickets?>:ernst:

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;319998]Wish granted! You are given a pair of normal, fertile, and (one) pregnant; healthy, normal, non-insane, immortal, friendly, tame, and obedient lions. The ~$[URL="http://lion_roar.tripod.com/pets.html"]100,000[/URL] it cost to build a habitat and ~$18,000 it costs per year (and then there is the cost to feed the endless supply of kittens, which you are forbidden by law to sell or give away) send you in bankruptcy. Since it is illegal to sell the cats, all of your other assets are sold to pay your creditors. You wind up living in your car with the cats. :cat:

I wish that all of the first 20,000 100M digit Mersenne numbers that had no known factor as of today, were fully factored to 83 bits and had a good amount of P-1 done on them, by next Wednesday.
:busy:[/QUOTE]

Wish granted, to do so, it utilized over half of the world's computers, and everyone got soo angry...

I wish I could sleep better.

[QUOTE=kracker;320289]I wish I could sleep better.[/QUOTE]Wish granted! You now have narcolepsey. You fall asleep while driving and hit a school bus, driving it into a tanker of sulfuric acid. The town hangs your corpse as a warning to all who might sleep and drive.:sleep:

I wish that the violins would stop and that there was whirled peas everywhere.

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;320648]Wish granted! You now have narcolepsey. You fall asleep while driving and hit a school bus, driving it into a tanker of sulfuric acid. The town hangs your corpse as a warning to all who might sleep and drive.:sleep:

I wish that the violins would stop and that there was whirled peas everywhere.[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. The world population expands beyond any centralized control. Peace breaks out as people do not have the calories to fight. All furniture and musical instruments are burned for heat. India shares its hard-earned knowledge on pacifism, how to cope with a dense population distribution and a primarily vegetarian diet -- although rats are still tasty. People eat and sow legumes everywhere.

I wish for a better life.

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;320648]I wish that the violins would stop and that there was whirled peas everywhere.[/QUOTE][QUOTE=only_human;320897]Wish granted. The world population expands beyond any centralized control. Peace breaks out as ...[/QUOTE]I was being serious, what is it with all of the violins? I like peas, a little honey keeps them on the knife.

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;320909]I was being serious, what is it with all of the violins? I like peas, a little honey keeps them on the knife.[/QUOTE]I love peas myself. As far as I can tell most of the wishes on the list are serious, some very much so. My most sincere wish was that it was February 2nd, Groundhog day, again. As for your wish, I tried to grant both aspects of your wish, literal and slightly veiled alternative interpretation (but not in any way facetious). Peas out everyone. The dystopian aspects were merely to comply with the wish corruption thread topic.

[QUOTE=only_human;320897]I wish for a better life.[/QUOTE]Granted. Unfortunately, because you do not possess freedom of motion in four dimensions, you are unable to access that better life as the entirety of it exists prior to Groundhog Day, February 2nd 2012.

If you want eggnog in your beermug, you've come to the wrong bartender buddy: A pecuniary wish is granted in a manner that, at best, might satisfy a pescetarian. An ideal car crashes and burns. A desire for an expressive, universal language is satisfied by the moans of insatiable zombie hunger. A wish for world peace is granted all that John Lennon's song [I]Imagine[/I] idealizes but only if you like rats and fava beans with your Chianti. Wishing is hard!

I wish all of us to have a nice holiday season. Stay well and don't let adversity and misfortune dominate your thinking. Seek and enjoy that which is good and wholesome. With a figurative hat-tip and click of mugs, I toast all of you with good wishes for the days ahead.

Ross

I wish last Friday morning had been Navy SEAL visitation day at Sandy Hook Elementary.

[QUOTE=NBtarheel_33;322128]I wish last Friday morning had been Navy SEAL visitation day at Sandy Hook Elementary.[/QUOTE]
I'm assuming you're talking about the school shooting that's been on the news for a while. Might make a good Youtube video.

All things considered I don't think anybody should corrupt that particular wish. But just to keep the ball rolling...

I wish I had the ability to read my dog's mind, and could then communicate with him directly.

I have the feeling I won't be human for long.

[QUOTE=jasong;322131]I wish I had the ability to read my dog's mind, and could then communicate with him directly.[/QUOTE]Wish granted!! Most unfortunately for you and he, his thoughts about you have not been so nice.
:laurv:
Once he realises that you can inject thoughts into his head, he becomes very disturbed and soon discovers that human does not taste like chicken. Your thoughts no longer bother him.

I wish that I had the appropriate licenses to drive all sorts of different land vehicles in my jurisdiction, a master's license so I could operate most any ship, and an IFR, multi-engine jet, seaplane, and rotary rated pilot's license.
:motorhome:

[QUOTE=NBtarheel_33;322128]I wish last Friday morning had been Navy SEAL visitation day at Sandy Hook Elementary.[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. All poor Navy SEALs visiting the school... they got killed too... (well, this tells a lot about how well trained they really are...)

(I know how many bricks in the head I will take for this, but I could not stop it! I know I am sounding like an idiot, but this I can't stop either... We can't do too much now... crying is not an option. Get over it. There are bastards like that guy everywhere. You have yours, we have ours. What we can do is to find them and make sure they can cause no harm to anyone).

I wish for a helmet (for the bricks).

[QUOTE=LaurV;322139]Wish granted. All poor Navy SEALs visiting the school... they got killed too... (well, this tells a lot about how well trained they really are...)

(I know how many bricks in the head I will take for this, but I could not stop it! I know I am sounding like an idiot, but this I can't stop either... We can't do too much now... crying is not an option. Get over it. There are bastards like that guy everywhere. You have yours, we have ours. What we can do is to find them and make sure they can cause no harm to anyone).

I wish for a helmet (for the bricks).[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. It's a tin foil helmet, for protection from aliens. The bricks are slowed down by about 1%.

I wish I no longer had anger management issues when it comes to women. (I'm not violent, but I can be very mean)

[QUOTE=only_human;322127]I wish all of us to have a nice holiday season. Stay well and don't let adversity and misfortune dominate your thinking. Seek and enjoy that which is good and wholesome. With a figurative hat-tip and click of mugs, I toast all of you with good wishes for the days ahead.[/QUOTE]

Now *that's* an uncorruptable wish. :smile:

[QUOTE=only_human;320918]I love peas myself. As far as I can tell most of the wishes on the list are serious, some very much so. My most sincere wish was that it was February 2nd, Groundhog day, again. As for your wish, I tried to grant both aspects of your wish, literal and slightly veiled alternative interpretation (but not in any way facetious). Peas out everyone. The dystopian aspects were merely to comply with the wish corruption thread topic.[/QUOTE]

Maybe we need an uncorruptable wish thread, perhaps.

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;322136]

I wish that I had the appropriate licenses to drive all sorts of different land vehicles in my jurisdiction, a master's license so I could operate most any ship, and an IFR, multi-engine jet, seaplane, and rotary rated pilot's license. [/QUOTE]

Wish granted. The land vehicle licenses all have you listed as the wrong gender, the master's license expired two years ago and hence requires full retraining before it can be issued again, and the aviation licenses were all suspended after that unfortunate buzzing of the Super Bowl with a Boeing Dreamliner.

I wish GIMPS had open, paid employment positions.

[QUOTE=jasong;322154]I wish I no longer had anger management issues when it comes to women. (I'm not violent, but I can be very mean)[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. A measure of serenity sets in letting you achieve progress in your goal. Looking into NVC (non-violent communication) and compassionate communication, it feels a bit odd because it talks about jackal and giraffe ears, but by working on that combined with reaching out to friends here and elsewhere, it seems to help. As far as wish granting goes it sure seems to be a slow process but you can see progress even if not all at once.

(I disentangle things by yielding the thread to this currently outstanding wish)
[QUOTE=NBtarheel_33;322160]
I wish GIMPS had open, paid employment positions.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=only_human;322311]Wish granted. A measure of serenity sets in letting you achieve progress in your goal. Looking into NVC (non-violent communication) and compassionate communication, it feels a bit odd because it talks about jackal and giraffe ears, but by working on that combined with reaching out to friends here and elsewhere, it seems to help. As far as wish granting goes it sure seems to be a slow process but you can see progress even if not all at once.

(I disentangle things by yielding the thread to this currently outstanding wish)[/QUOTE]

Wish granted! You get a pat in the back for every 15 or so factors found, and a few dozen for a mersenne prime found!!

I wish computers were near to free for high end ones. :cmd::devil:

[QUOTE=NBtarheel_33;322157]Maybe we need an uncorruptable wish thread, perhaps.[/QUOTE]

[url]http://homeonthestrange.com/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=4[/url]

[QUOTE=kracker;322313]I wish computers were near to free for high end ones. [/QUOTE]

Wish granted! All computers will from now on be free-range grown,
and inexpensively available in your local grocery store.

I wish the world hadn't ended yesterday, 12-21-12.

[QUOTE=davar55;322329]Wish granted! All computers will from now on be free-range grown,
and inexpensively available in your local grocery store.[/QUOTE]

Actually, if they bear the "free-range" tag, that instantly trebles the price. At least it does for chickens (both born and unborn).

More realistic might be "fair-trade" or "fair-working-conditions" computers, which eliminate the prospect of some poor, mistreated [insert demonym of South/East Asian country here] worker jumping off the roof of [insert South/East Asian electronics component manufacturer here] in the course of the manufacturing of your newest gadget.

[QUOTE]I wish the world hadn't ended yesterday, 12-21-12.[/QUOTE]

On the bright side, the afterlife seems to be remarkably similar to where from which we came. The weather's not as nice as I'd have hoped - it has become awfully windy and chilly here in the Washington metro since The End(TM). Reminds me of a joke I heard one time:

[QUOTE=Joke of Unknown Origin]A minister and an atheist were debating the merits of their beliefs, when they managed to become embroiled in a discussion about Heaven and Hell.

The atheist was heard to argue, "Everyone knows that Heaven is supposedly way up in the clouds. Bah! It can be sixty below zero up there! And everyone will have wings, you say? Why that's ridiculous! Yeah, sounds like a real ball, infinity years in the deep freeze with a pair of wings! And no way to get warm! I mean, tell me, Pastor, how would you even put a jacket on to have any hope of staying warm, without your silly wings getting in the way?!"

To which the minister curtly replied, "I suppose the same way that you will put a hat on over your horns, and pull your pants up over your tail!"[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=kracker;322313]Wish granted! You get a pat in the back for every 15 or so factors found, and a few dozen for a mersenne prime found!!

I wish computers were near to free for high end ones. :cmd::devil:[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. A thousand free servers with top-of-the-line Xeons and Tesla GPUs arrive on your doorstep, fully loaded with Prime95. Unfortunately, the thousand servers were previously owned by NAMBLA's Guys Gone Wild! Division(R), and while their IT folks were quite good at erasing every reference to that organization and entering your name and address as sole Owner and Administrator (and even installing Prime95!), turns out they forgot to delete those 2.36 million pesky old JPEGs. Completely understandable given their need to quickly dispose of the FBI-tagged and GPS-tracked systems, don't you know...

[URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centraal_Beheer"][I]Even Apeldoorn Bellen...[/I][/URL]

I wish to amend my earlier wish: I wish that GIMPS had open, paid employment positions for which the remuneration was in USD.

[QUOTE=NBtarheel_33;322337]I wish to amend my earlier wish: I wish that GIMPS had open, paid employment positions for which the remuneration was in USD.[/QUOTE]Wish granted! George has some work that he needs done and uses GIMPS Inc. to pay for the work. Your first task is to remove the gators from under his mobile home. Turns out you are deathly afraid of gators. You flee into the ocean. The awaiting shark eats you.:shark:

I wish that the housekeeping elves would visit my place and tidy things up (leaving all of the furnishing, etc. in place) so that it now looks like a place out of an architecture magazine.
:badspelling:

[QUOTE=only_human;322127]I wish all of us to have a nice holiday season. Stay well and don't let adversity and misfortune dominate your thinking. Seek and enjoy that which is good and wholesome. With a figurative hat-tip and click of mugs, I toast all of you with good wishes for the days ahead.[/QUOTE]Wish granted. Unfortunately, Schrödinger's cat wakes up and informs you that it all happened in an alternative quantum reality.


I wish for nothing, and expect to receive it in abundance.

[QUOTE=xilman;322359]Wish granted. Unfortunately, Schrödinger's cat wakes up and informs you that it all happened in an alternative quantum reality.


I wish for nothing, and expect to receive it in abundance.[/QUOTE]

I wish that Paul may have more joy and happiness than expected.

[QUOTE=xilman;322359]I wish for nothing, and expect to receive it in abundance.[/QUOTE]Wish granted! A cosmic vacuum of nothingness (measuring 35cm vertically, 20cm widthwise and 15cm deep) is created 9 cm directly behind your navel. The ensuing nothingness inflicts conditions that are incompatible with the ability for you to remain on the mortal coil.:doh!:[QUOTE=Uncwilly;322352]I wish that the housekeeping elves would visit my place and tidy things up (leaving all of the furnishing, etc. in place) so that it now looks like a place out of an architecture magazine.[/QUOTE]

To get things started again:

I wish I were as smart as George Woltman (without him losing any of his intelligence, of course).

[QUOTE=ixfd64;329350]To get things started again:

I wish I were as smart as George Woltman (without him losing any of his intelligence, of course).[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. Your dress sense is exactly the same as his.

I wish I could go back 25 years and live those days with my current, more confident, attitude instead of being the extremely shy, low-self-esteem person that I was.

[QUOTE=Brian-E;329351]I wish I could go back 25 years and live those days with my current, more confident, attitude instead of being the extremely shy, low-self-esteem person that I was.[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. But unfortunately you ended up getting laid so much you never discovered GIMPS.

I wish Linux was more widely used.

[QUOTE=chalsall;329352]

I wish Linux was more widely used.[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. People begin to write viruses for Linux.

I wish that more people would not say Linux when they mean GNU-Linux. :wink:

[QUOTE=Dubslow;329353]I wish that more people would not say Linux when they mean GNU-Linux. :wink:[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. Unfortunately Richard Stallman has a heart attack. :wink:

I wish more kids learned how to program computers.

[QUOTE]Originally Posted by [B]Uncwilly[/B] [URL="http://www.mersenneforum.org/showthread.php?p=322352#post322352"][IMG]http://www.mersenneforum.org/images/buttons/viewpost.gif[/IMG][/URL]
[I]I wish that the housekeeping elves would visit my place and tidy things up (leaving all of the furnishing, etc. in place) so that it now looks like a place out of an architecture magazine.[/I]
[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. The elves also fixed things so that nothing can be moved, added, or removed. Anything set down for more than a minute magically vanishes to maintain the tasteful neatness. In desperation you move out and give the place to Architectural Digest.

I wish tasty ethanol preparations such as single malt scotch had no effects beyond a pleasant 2-3 hour buzz which politely fades out.

[QUOTE=kladner;329356]Wish granted. The elves also fixed things so that nothing can be moved, added, or removed. Anything set down for more than a minute magically vanishes to maintain the tasteful neatness. In desperation you move out and give the place to Architectural Digest.

I wish tasty ethanol preparations such as single malt scotch had no effects beyond a pleasant 2-3 hour buzz which politely fades out.[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. In order to ensure that ethanol preparations have no effect at all after the 2-3 hour buzz, including social effects and property damage caused by acting foolishly, you lock yourself alone in an otherwise empty room with an indestructible door on a 3 hour timer every time you're about to consume ethanol.

I wish that at midnight local time each day I was given the option, but not the obligation, to go back in time 24 hours and relive the day, with I alone and no one else retaining memories and records of that day's previous iterations. You know, so I never again have to fear deadlines.

[QUOTE=jinydu;329553]I wish that at midnight local time each day I was given the option, but not the obligation, to go back in time 24 hours and relive the day, with I alone and no one else retaining memories and records of that day's previous iterations. You know, so I never again have to fear deadlines.[/QUOTE]
Wish granted! You exercise this right 7 times in a row and wind up staying awake for a week straight. You collapse and die.

I wish I had a farm of 50 GPU's that are powered a solar system (with enough batteries to hold through the longest expected lulls in sun) owned all free and clear (no further costs or taxes). And a suitable internet connection to keep it fed with exponents.
:busy:

Wish granted, you get from the internet (and do the work for) 50 composite exponents every day... you will get bored soon, and I wish you give me your computer farm when that happens :P

Wish granted. Unfortunately, out of frustration at being unable to find a prime, Uncwilly sabotages his farm, leaving you just a twisted heap of broken plastic and metal.

I wish to be [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeus"]Zeus[/URL].

[QUOTE=jinydu;329646]I wish to be [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeus"]Zeus[/URL].[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. You become the Zeus in [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DT77KlL21_I][I]God of War II[/I][/url].

I wish Intel and Microsoft had more love for DC enthusiasts.

(Could have been worse. You could have said God of War III. Besides, I think I could have handled that fight more intelligently.)

Wish granted. Intel's and Microsoft's CEOs show up to the next DC convention, are seized by uncontrollable lust, strip down naked, and :censored: :censored: :censored:. The few survivors are so traumatized, they jump off the nearest bridge.

I wish the following sentence were true: This sentence is false.

Wish granted. The word false has evolved to mean "short", which also screws up the term "false-positive".

I wish that I was fluent in every language and dialect.
Sidenote: I'm attempting (in my genealogical research) to determine whether I am related to Richard Stallman on grandfather's side.

[QUOTE=c10ck3r;329656]I wish that I was fluent in every language and dialect.
Sidenote: I'm attempting (in my genealogical research) to determine whether I am related to Richard Stallman on grandfather's side.[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. A scorching sinus infection causes you to have a fluent discharge from the nose that is exacerbated by the mechanical motions of speaking regardless of language or dialect.

I wish governing was more efficient.
[SIZE="1"](what could possibly go wrong?)[/SIZE]

[QUOTE=only_human;329671]I wish governing was more efficient.[/QUOTE]A more efficient form of government is created. Big Brother's dictates are highly efficient. However you wind up in the memoryhole.:edit:

I wish that Åke Tilander finds a non-trivial factor of MM127 within the next month and that it becomes known to the world.:curtisc:

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;330136]I wish that Åke Tilander finds a non-trivial factor of MM127 within the next month and that it becomes known to the world.:curtisc:[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. Unfortunately, a cult that vehemently believes that MM127 is prime starts causing chaos throughout the world.

I wish thermal cameras weren't ridiculously expensive.

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;330136]
I wish that Åke Tilander finds a non-trivial factor of MM127 within the next month and that it becomes known to the world.:curtisc:[/QUOTE]

Wish granted.

I wish I had a new Titan GPU... and the skill to write better programs on it.

Luigi

[QUOTE=ET_;330430]Wish granted.

I wish I had a new Titan GPU... and the skill to write better programs on it.

Luigi[/QUOTE]


how'd you corrupt it ?

wish granted, but your programming allows the CPU to go too fast and hence burn up.

I wish I could find the next 10 Mersenne primes by hand faster than by computer.

Wish granted. You spend the rest of your days writing "2^P-1", using each prime number between 50M and 1B. You have written 10 primes, but [U][I][B]PROVING[/B][/I][/U] which ones they are is required to receive any award.

I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner.

[QUOTE=c10ck3r;330474]I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner.[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. Someone drops you in hot oil to cook you. They forget about you when they leave the cookhouse for the night. Eventually the whole place goes up in flames.:furious:


I was that the politicos can agree upon a reasonable and robust space program and set the funding structure such that multi-decade planning and operations can be carried out.

:anurag:

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;336505]
I was that the politicos can agree upon a reasonable and robust space program and set the funding structure such that multi-decade planning and operations can be carried out.

:anurag:[/QUOTE]Granted. However ... the "space program" allocates areas in a particular warehouse building on the outskirts of Podunk (for multiple decades!).

I wish that I could think of a wish that couldn't be corrupted.

[QUOTE=cheesehead;336623]I wish that I could think of a wish that couldn't be corrupted.[/QUOTE]
Granted. But the uncorruptible wish is merely a thought which cannot be expressed in words. You know what it means, and it is indeed something you genuinely want, but you cannot convey its meaning to anyone else or even grasp its essence properly yourself. That's why it cannot be corrupted.

I wish for only the basic :smile: emoticon to be necessary in all internet communcation because this is the only emotion which humans are able to feel.

[QUOTE=Brian-E;336626]I wish for only the basic :smile: emoticon to be necessary in all internet communcation because this is the only emotion which humans are able to feel.[/QUOTE]Granted, the only emotion that humans can feel is a grimace.

I wish that George would hand out $10 to forum members of 5 or more years, in good standing for each assignment they have completed over that time.

Wish granted, but George quickly runs out of money, and GIMPS shuts down.

I wish I was better at math.

[QUOTE=ixfd64;338975]Wish granted, but George quickly runs out of money, and GIMPS shuts down.

I wish I was better at math.[/QUOTE]Wish granted, but the only employment you can find is being a "lightning" calculator in a traveling carnival freak show, and you never achieve any of the socially-redeeming accomplishments of your actual life.

I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.

[QUOTE=cheesehead;338979]Wish granted, but the only employment you can find is being a "lightning" calculator in a traveling carnival freak show, and you never achieve any of the socially-redeeming accomplishments of your actual life.

I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.[/QUOTE]

Granted, but the falling star you wish upon falls upon and destroys your own house and you find out that your insurance policy specifically excludes extraterrestrial causes of disaster.

I wish that Uncwilly finds his 100,000,000+ digit Mersenne prime.

[QUOTE=philmoore;338984]I wish that Uncwilly finds his 100,000,000+ digit Mersenne prime.[/QUOTE]
Wish, granted, but he "finds" by discovering a computer game bug has created a multi-gigabyte file on his hard drive comprised entirely of a filename and binary 1s. He isn't interested in testing the number since it was randomly generated so he never realizes the significance of his find.

I wish to dance like nobody's looking.

[QUOTE=jasong;339086]I wish to dance like nobody's looking.[/QUOTE]Wish granted. You become quantum gobbledegook. You dance like nobody's business, grooving to the beat of Schrödinger. Suddenly, a cat looks and you become an ordinary particle again.

I wish to be less bored.

[QUOTE=only_human;340021]I wish to be less bored.[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. Poof! You discover a vast repository of information
hidden on the internet, all of which is right up your interest tree,
and which provides you with 24/7 education and entertainment.
Which you access repeatedly for a month of Sundays, forgoing
meals, sleep, friends, hygiene, ... , breathing ...

I wish I had heard of the Eberhart Conjecture ten years ago ...

Wish granted. But your wife has taken your computer and all your pencils so it is of no use to you.

I wish I could pay off my house.

[QUOTE=MattcAnderson;340095]I wish I could pay off my house.[/QUOTE]Wish granted! Your house burns to the ground. The insurance check exactly covers the mortgage.:furious:

I wish I was in the top 5 lifetime in all categories (LL, TF, P-1, DC, ECM, & ECM-F).

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;340096]Wish granted! Your house burns to the ground. The insurance check exactly covers the mortgage.:furious:

I wish I was in the top 5 lifetime in all categories (LL, TF, P-1, DC, ECM, & ECM-F).[/QUOTE]

Wish granted, to do that you hijacked every computer you came across... and someone traced it back to you and... The rest is history.

I wish I didn't have to pay for my electric bill.

[QUOTE=kracker;340098]Wish granted, to do that you hijacked every computer you came across... and someone traced it back to you and... The rest is history.

I wish I didn't have to pay for my electric bill.[/QUOTE]

Wish granted, you no longer receive any electricity thus have no bill.

I wish I were half my age.

[QUOTE=rogue;340135]I wish I were half my age.[/QUOTE]

With granted! Your age becomes the fixpoint of f(x) = x/2.

I wish I could read minds (and turn it off when not using the ability!).

Wish granted, with extremely unpleasant consequences that you can easily read in my mind, but I won't describe here in order not to nauseate anyone else.

I wish I had a good (relative to this thread) wish to post now.

[QUOTE=cheesehead;340174]Wish granted, with extremely unpleasant consequences that you can easily read in my mind, but I won't describe here in order not to nauseate anyone else.

I wish I had a good (relative to this thread) wish to post now.[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. You get so many wishes that you overload and become insane.

I wish life wouldn't be such a b* at times... :razz:

[QUOTE=kracker;340245]I wish life wouldn't be such a b* at times... :razz:[/QUOTE]Granted. Someone, somewhere is experiencing the sunshine and happiness that we all had before we were all crumpled up and dropped on the ground by life. This is a corollary of the Brouwer Fixed Point Theorem.

I wish we could all get along.

[QUOTE=only_human;340248]Granted. Someone, somewhere is experiencing the sunshine and happiness that we all had before we were all crumpled up and dropped on the ground by life. This is a corollary of the Brouwer Fixed Point Theorem.

I wish we could all get along.[/QUOTE]

Wish granted, someone took control of our minds and kept them like that.

I wish I had better weather for this area than what I am having now...

[QUOTE=kracker;340309]I wish I had better weather for this area than what I am having now...[/QUOTE]
Wish will be granted immediately after you leave the area in a fruitless search for better weather elsewhere.

I wish that we humans were just as able to communicate with animals as we are with each other.

[QUOTE=Brian-E;340467]I wish that we humans were just as able to communicate with animals as we are with each other.[/QUOTE]

Granted, now you hear inane babbling all the time.

I wish to be more productive.

[OT]Animal communications are probably more rational than most human communications.[/OT]

EDIT: Granted. You now produce vast quantities of inane babbling.

I wish Gigabyte would get around to shipping my repaired (for several days!) GPU back to me.

[QUOTE=kladner;340485][OT]Animal communications are probably more rational than most human communications.[/OT]

EDIT: Granted. You now produce vast quantities of inane babbling.

I wish Gigabyte would get around to shipping my repaired (for several days!) GPU back to me.[/QUOTE]

Wish granted, they rushed so much that you got in the next 2 days, only to find out it had been broken by the rush...

I wish I could overclock infinitely without any bad consequences.

[QUOTE=kracker;340492]Wish granted, they rushed so much that you got in the next 2 days, only to find out it had been broken by the rush...

I wish I could overclock infinitely without any bad consequences.[/QUOTE]

Granted. But with no particular risks involved it gets boring really quickly.

I wish I had a wind and solar farm that would cause the electric company to pay me while I blow Nucleon out of the GIMPS competition.

[QUOTE=kladner;340494]I wish I had a wind and solar farm that would cause the electric company to pay me while I blow Nucleon out of the GIMPS competition.[/QUOTE]Wish granted, but after paying for the CPU's and GPU's, you are not able to keep up on the payments for the generators. The bank comes in and repossesses the lot.

I wish that I would actually get the raise that I was promised, with no take-backs for the coming years.

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;340495]Wish granted, but after paying for the CPU's and GPU's, you are not able to keep up on the payments for the generators. The bank comes in and repossesses the lot.

I wish that I would actually get the raise that I promised, with no take-backs for the coming years.[/QUOTE]

Wish granted, but you found out that you had a few bills/debts that you hadn't paid that had been forgotten somehow... and when you leave them...

I wish I had another GPU...

Wish granted. [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gosudarstvennoye_Politicheskoye_Upravlenie"]GPU[/URL] takes you in for an extended interrogation. After it is over, you have confessed to being both North Korean and Ukrainian spy and get three life terms in Chelyabinsk prison. Parole? What parole?

I wish that I remembered nothing ...and I was rich and famous, someone important, an actor maybe?
([SPOILER]Agent Smith: Whatever you want, Mr. Reagan.[/SPOILER])

+1! :goodposting:

[QUOTE=Batalov;340528]Wish granted. [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gosudarstvennoye_Politicheskoye_Upravlenie"]GPU[/URL] takes you in for an extended interrogation. After it is over, you have confessed to being both North Korean and Ukrainian spy and get three life terms in Chelyabinsk prison. Parole? What parole?

I wish that I remembered nothing ...and I was rich and famous, someone important, an actor maybe?
([SPOILER]Agent Smith: Whatever you want, Mr. Reagan.[/SPOILER])[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. Then you woke up.

I wish for another good, not old, [B]G[/B]raphic [B]P[/B]rocessing [B]U[/B]nit.

[QUOTE=kracker;340568]I wish for another good, not old, [B]G[/B]raphic [B]P[/B]rocessing [B]U[/B]nit.[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. You receive a good (bug-free), not old (recently written), unit of software which takes any graphic such as a histogram or pie chart and interprets the pictorial information, giving as output the raw data which was depicted.

I wish for an as yet undiscovered effect, peculiar to our planet, whereby carbon dioxide and methane are removed from the atmosphere before they reach dangerous levels.

"Woosh" granted: A Cosmic Vacuum Cleaner comes along and sucks up all of Earth's atmosphere. leaving all of us to suffocate. A group organizes to sue because the C.V.C. is not peculiar to our planet, but litigants expire before the case comes to trial.

I wish for an adequate shield against the possibility of that's happening.

[QUOTE=Brian-E;340790]Wish granted. You receive a good (bug-free), not old (recently written), unit of software which takes any graphic such as a histogram or pie chart and interprets the pictorial information, giving as output the raw data which was depicted.

I wish for an as yet undiscovered effect, peculiar to our planet, whereby carbon dioxide and methane are removed from the atmosphere before they reach dangerous levels.[/QUOTE]
[OT]I bet Google would be very interested in a piece of software like that.[/OT]

[QUOTE=cheesehead;340799]I wish for an adequate shield against the possibility of that's happening.[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. Now the only star we can see in the sky is the Sun.

I wish for a mind-reading device that only works if the person it's used on consents.

Not part of the wish, but explanantion:If a true mind-reading device existed, it could be used to figure out who truly deserves to be in jail. Unfortunately, an actual mind-reading device wouldn't need consent in order to operate, so a government could use it to suppress opposing views.

[QUOTE=cheesehead;340799]"Woosh" granted: A Cosmic Vacuum Cleaner comes along and sucks up all of Earth's atmosphere. leaving all of us to suffocate. A group organizes to sue because the C.V.C. is not peculiar to our planet, but litigants expire before the case comes to trial.

I wish for an adequate shield against the possibility of that's happening.[/QUOTE]The languorously limp finger of fate slowly glides past the possibilities. Bingo! Exactly what is needed! People get sensible. Gasses are conserved and not vented into the atmosphere. Consumables are sensibly recycled. We become awesome stewards of the planet. Unfortunately, these brave new paragons of virtue are not satisfied with their choices of mates because selection is now too objectively logical and no one is good enough. We die out in one generation. The Cosmic Vacuum Cleaner visits and explores this fascinating planet full of wonders -- beautifully preserved.

I secretly wish something. Bwah! Hah! Ha!

[QUOTE=only_human;340812]The languorously limp finger of fate slowly glides past the possibilities. Bingo! Exactly what is needed! People get sensible. Gasses are conserved and not vented into the atmosphere. Consumables are sensibly recycled. We become awesome stewards of the planet. Unfortunately, these brave new paragons of virtue are not satisfied with their choices of mates because selection is now too objectively logical and no one is good enough. We die out in one generation. The Cosmic Vacuum Cleaner visits and explores this fascinating planet full of wonders -- beautifully preserved.

I secretly wish something. Bwah! Hah! Ha![/QUOTE]

Wish granted. You died from lack of revealing.

I wish I had a cat.

[QUOTE=kracker;340817]I wish I had a cat.[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. Unfortunately it grows up to be a Bengal tiger, and it eats you.

I wish Barbados had more than 17 weeks of foreign exchange reserves.

[QUOTE=jasong;340811]I wish for a mind-reading device that only works if the person it's used on consents.[/QUOTE]
(Just picking up the effects of the cross-post here...)
Wish granted. But it only works at the moment of consent. The only information it ever shows is "I consent", or "I don't mind my mind being read".

Back to the later wishes...

[QUOTE=chalsall;340820]I wish Barbados had more than 17 weeks of foreign exchange reserves.[/QUOTE]
Woosh granted! Barbados has <insert here a calamity or a coupe> and 18 weeks worth of foreign exchange reserve corps are promptly dispatched. Some of them are from Nepal, and bring cholera into the country (completely inadvertently, mind you).

Back to the later wishes...

[QUOTE=Batalov;340832]Woosh granted! Barbados has <insert here a calamity or a coupe> and 18 weeks worth of foreign exchange reserve corps are promptly dispatched. Some of them are from Nepal, and bring cholera into the country (completely inadvertently, mind you).

Back to the later wishes...[/QUOTE]

This would be funny if it wasn't so sad...

A group representing Haiti victims is suing the United Nations for at least USD $1 billion because of a cholera outbreak which has been documented (via DNA evidence) to have been imported into the country by aid workers.

Machiavelli would be proud....

Edit: Just for [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiti_indemnity_controversy"]further context[/URL]. The reason Haiti suffered so badly during the 2010 earthquake, while the Dominican Republic didn't, is because Haiti (and its people) was economically disadvantaged by colonial powers.
__________

[SPOILER][COLOR="LightBlue"]EDIT/S.B.: My black humor was of course aimed at the UN, and not at the people of Haiti who suffered greatly.
Neither it was aimed at the alleged higher power that in its infinite wisdom allegedly let that happen.[/COLOR]
...Ah crap, I just set off another conversational landmine.[/SPOILER]

[SPOILER][COLOR="Lightgreen"]EDIT/CH.: I know. And I appreciate you bringing this forward. Very few understand just how much damage has been caused by international "help". (And perhaps the punchline to the joke: The UN has claimed that it is "protected by immunity".)[/COLOR][/SPOILER]

[QUOTE=Batalov;340832]...
Back to the later wishes...[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. You are back ... to a previous wish of your choice.
But you used up a wish to get there. Oh well.

I wish someone would compute past 215000 to get the
value of a(20) (from another thread). It could possibly
never terminate and that could be important. How
could we actually prove non-termination?

Having just seen "[URL="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0734658/"]The Man in the Bottle[/URL]", I figured that I should revive this thread.
[QUOTE=davar55;340835]I wish someone would compute past 215000 to get the value of a(20) (from another thread).[/QUOTE]
Wish granted. The only problem is that the results of the computations were not kept (hardware failure).

I wish that I could keep all of my current knowledge and skills and return to my first year of high school (with no other variables changed.)

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;353535]Having just seen "[URL="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0734658/"]The Man in the Bottle[/URL]", I figured that I should revive this thread.

Wish granted. The only problem is that the results of the computations were not kept (hardware failure).

I wish that I could keep all of my current knowledge and skills and return to my first year of high school (with no other variables changed.)[/QUOTE]
Wish granted, everyone thinks you're creepy because you've turned from a 15-year old into an old man overnight.

I wish I had a mentor.

[QUOTE=jasong;353564]Wish granted, everyone thinks you're creepy because you've turned from a 15-year old into an old man overnight.

I wish I had a mentor.[/QUOTE]

Wish granted. Your cat gets a mentor. [SIZE=1]...What?[/SIZE]

I wish I had less of these face-palming moments of my life.

[QUOTE=kracker;353618]I wish I had less of these face-palming moments of my life.[/QUOTE]Wish granted, while using a table saw you accidentally slice off your hands. In your stumpy attempt to gather them up for the trip to the hospital, you accidentally feed them into the blade again. The doctors are unable to reattach them. Upon hearing the news, you wish you could face-palm, but are unable to.

I wish that I had a working DVR that worked with over-the-air broadcasts and did not require payments for to a service.

[QUOTE=Uncwilly;354488]Wish granted, while using a table saw you accidentally slice off your hands. In your stumpy attempt to gather them up for the trip to the hospital, you accidentally feed them into the blade again. The doctors are unable to reattach them. Upon hearing the news, you wish you could face-palm, but are unable to.

I wish that I had a working DVR that worked with over-the-air broadcasts and did not require payments for to a service.[/QUOTE]|Wish granted. Unfortunately it can only pick up broadcasts in Albanian.

I wish.

[QUOTE=xilman;354499]I wish.[/QUOTE]

Granted. Anything you want is yours.
Then you wake up.

I wish I could transmute just one of the laws of physics,
(say entropy).

[QUOTE=davar55;354508]I wish I could transmute just one of the laws of physics,
(say entropy).[/QUOTE]

You reverse entropy, following the arrow of time back to before the wish was granted.

I wish my video card (GeForce 8400) was a little bit faster.

[QUOTE=CRGreathouse;354512]You reverse entropy, following the arrow of time back to before the wish was granted.

I wish my video card (GeForce 8400) was a little bit faster.[/QUOTE]

Wish [URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ibjxoJuk1A"]granted[/URL].

I wish for the power of curtisc without the electric bill, and with no other negative consequences.

[QUOTE=kracker;354513]Wish [URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ibjxoJuk1A"]granted[/URL].

I wish for the power of curtisc without the electric bill, and with no other negative consequences.[/QUOTE]Granted, you become an editor of Fibonacci Quarterly and also express an ever varying number of attributes from the Curtis Cooper thread. You have a great time and party like an Ivy League undergrad with an übercredit card.

I wish the next person on this thread develops halitosis.